13 Male Narcissist Traits and How to Deal With One
In a world where self-confidence and assertiveness are often celebrated, distinguishing between healthy self-esteem and pathological narcissism can be challenging.
Male narcissist traits, in particular, can be difficult to identify and navigate, as societal norms may reinforce or even reward certain aspects of this complex personality type. In this comprehensive article, we delve into the unique characteristics and behaviors associated with male narcissism, shedding light on the nuances of this often misunderstood disorder. By examining key male narcissist traits such as grandiosity, charm, emotional volatility, manipulation, and attention-seeking, we aim to provide a deeper understanding of the male narcissist and offer valuable insights for those interacting with these individuals.
1. Controlling
Controlling behavior is a hallmark characteristic of narcissism, as individuals with this personality type often seek to maintain power and control in their relationships. This need for control can manifest as manipulation, gaslighting, or isolation tactics, creating a web of control that can be difficult to break free from. By learning to recognize the signs of narcissistic control and implementing strategies to assert your autonomy, you can reclaim your power and well-being.
Signs of Narcissistic Control:
- Constant criticism or belittling of your thoughts, feelings, or actions
- Isolating you from friends, family, or other support systems
- Manipulating situations to make you doubt your own perception or memory (gaslighting)
- Making decisions for you without considering your preferences or needs
- Using guilt, shame, or fear to coerce you into complying with their wishes
Strategies for Breaking Free:
- Recognize and trust your instincts when something feels wrong or manipulative.
- Set clear boundaries and communicate your needs assertively. Don’t allow them to make you feel overly loyal to them. You’re an adult with your own autonomy and agency. Don’t let them capitalise your time if you’re in a relationship with them. Continue your hobbies, see your friends and have time apart, so you remain rooted in your independence.
2. Arrogant and Obnoxious
Arrogance and obnoxiousness are common traits exhibited by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder. This inflated sense of self-importance often serves as a mask, shielding the narcissist from their deep-rooted insecurities. By recognizing the signs of narcissistic arrogance and understanding its roots, you can better manage your interactions with these challenging individuals and maintain a grounded perspective.
Signs of Narcissistic Arrogance:
- A constant need for admiration and validation
- Difficulty accepting criticism or acknowledging mistakes
- Excessive self-promotion or boasting
- A sense of entitlement, expecting special treatment or privileges
- Diminishing or dismissing the accomplishments of others
- A belief that rules don’t apply to them
- An unwavering conviction in their own superiority
Coping with Narcissistic Arrogance:
- Don’t engage in power struggles or debates aimed at deflating their ego, as this will likely escalate the situation.
- Establish and enforce boundaries, communicating your needs and limits firmly and consistently. Instead of vocalising your boundaries, uphold your boundaries by ending the conversation and ending interactions with a person.
3. Manipulative
Narcissists often use manipulation tactics like gaslighting or guilt-tripping to maintain control. It’s important to practice recognising when someone is using guilt-tripping as a tactic to control you and maintaining a firm grip on your reality.
An example of manipulative phrases:
“After everything I’ve done for you”.
“I’ve done so much for you”.
“I do so much for you and you reject me”.
4. Entitlement
Another example of male narcissist traits are entitlement. A narcissist man will feel entitled to your body and will get angry when you’re tired during bed time and don’t want to conform to his demands.
A narcissist man also feels entitled to you and will treat you like property. If you say you want personal space for a few hours, a day or a weekend, he will try and control you by saying things like “a woman who wants space says that because she wants to leave you”.
5. Lacks accountability
Another example of male narcissist traits is their tendency to lack accountability.
Narcissist men are emotionally immature and stuck in the past. They lack self-awareness about the effects their arrogance, manipulation, control and undermining behaviours impact others emotional well-being.
They have many defence mechanisms to protect their ego from being bruised and one of these is a lack of accountability.
Don’t try and change a narcissist. They are emotionally immature and stuck in the past, they can’t accept rejection or responsibility and prioritise their ego and image over other people’s emotional safety. Trying to get them to take accountability for their actions is a waste of energy. Surround yourself with emotionally mature people who are self-aware, growth minded and have other mindedness.
6. Love bombing
Narcissists will use love bombing to get you hooked in a relationship and will love bomb with attention, time and gifts to trap you into a controlling and manipulative relationship.
Healthy relationships grow organically and naturally over time. Love bombing is a tactic they use to escalate the physical and emotional intimacy of a relationship and get you attached, before you have the time to stay logical and discerning about how emotionally safe and trustworthy they are.
They will want to rush the milestones in a relationship, so they can make you dependent on them and they can have full control over you.
To counteract this, give yourself in very small doses when getting to know people. This allows you to stay rooted and maintain your independence and take your time in building a friendship with someone to see if you like them and trust them before escalating intimacy.
7. Low-self esteem
A narcissist will have extremely low self-esteem, which can make them a dangerous person to be around.
It’s important to surround yourself with confident people who will be respectful towards you.
Narcissists will often be arrogant to undermine your confidence and will gain self-esteem by tarnishing your self-esteem.
If someone isn’t confident in their own skin, there is a greater chance that they will be controlling, manipulative and will devalue you or discredit you in a community, which can make you vulnerable to emotional abuse, bullying and isolation.
Limit your interactions with people who have low self-esteem to protect your wellbeing.
8. Disrespectful
Narcissists are often disrespectful but this can be hidden under the guise of joking, mocking and belittling.
Although it may seem like nothing at face value, disrespect does tarnish someone’s emotional wellbeing and self-esteem.
Remember that everyone has a right for respect and mocking, belittling and undermining someone isn’t ok.
Limit your interactions with someone who is disrespectful, as they’re not a trustworthy or safe person.
9. Grandiosity
Grandiosity is a central characteristic of narcissistic men, often presenting as an exaggerated sense of self-importance and an unwavering belief in their own superiority. This inflated ego can manifest in various ways, from boasting about their achievements and capabilities to exaggerating their social status or influence. Narcissistic men may assume they are entitled to special treatment or privileges and view others as inferior or less deserving of recognition.
This grandiose sense of self can create challenges in personal and professional relationships, as these men often struggle to acknowledge their limitations, accept criticism, or empathize with others’ experiences. Over time, this grandiosity can become exhausting and alienating for those around them, reinforcing the sense of isolation that often lies at the core of narcissistic personality disorder.
10. Interpersonally exploitative
Narcissists may exploit others for personal gain. Healthy people don’t use your emotional traumas or weaknesses against you to control you.
When you share vulnerable information with a narcissist, or they find your vulnerabilities, they will exploit your triggers to control you and keep you trapped in a relationship based on manipulation, guilt, indebtedness and control.
To protect yourself from this, refrain from sharing emotional traumas with people until you have got to know their character and built trust. Some might say minimum 3 months, others might say 6 months.
Keeping personal information to yourself is a way to emotionally safeguard yourself from emotional exploitation.
Another thing you can do is to be careful of the groups and communities you join. Often narcissist men will use community to further exacerbate their emotional abuse and control. If you have met this person in a toxic culture, where there is a lack of safeguarding and the head of the organisation is toxic, it’s likely others in the community will be as well.
Practice vetting for safe communities that have a healthy culture (they are free of gossip and rumours), a safeguarding lead and safe guarding policy in place.
11. Charming persona
A charming persona is another example of male narcissist traits to be mindful of.
This superficial charm often masks a deeper, more complex reality, with the narcissist’s true insecurities of self-hatred lurking beneath the surface.
As time goes on, the cracks in their charming persona begin to show, revealing a far less attractive side such as narcissistic rage, control, possessiveness and intimidation tactics.
12. Attention seeking
Attention-seeking behavior is another example of male narcissist traits. This desire for constant validation and admiration stems from the narcissist’s deep-seated need to feel superior and important.
By consistently seeking the spotlight, they aim to reinforce their grandiose self-image and gain external confirmation of their worth. This behavior can manifest as exaggerated achievements, frequent self-promotion, or even creating drama to keep the focus on themselves. Over time, this incessant attention-seeking can strain relationships and create challenges for those interacting with the narcissist.
13. Contemptuous
Narcissists often exhibit a contemptuous attitude toward others. Say for example you reject a narcissist man, he will become contemptuous towards you.
As a woman it’s important to know your rights. You have a right to decline a date, you have a right to stop intimacy and you have a right to change your mind.
If a man has contempt and anger towards you for having boundaries and self-worth, they’re an unsafe person and this needs to be seen as a red flag.
Emotionally mature men can accept rejection and it’s a hallmark of healthy and equal relationships. When a man is contemptuous towards you for rejecting them, so much that they spread false rumours about you to minimise you, they are an emotionally exploitative person.
Instead of going to therapy to manage their own feelings of rejection like a responsible adult, instead he has to control people’s perceptions of him.
Start practicing noticing this emotion of contempt in others and it will protect you from emotional harm.
14. Emotional volatility
Emotional volatility is a characteristic commonly associated with narcissistic individuals. This unpredictable emotional landscape can manifest as intense mood swings, sudden outbursts, or rapid shifts in emotional states, creating challenges for those interacting with the narcissist.
By gaining insight into the nature of emotional volatility and adopting strategies to maintain balance, you can better navigate these turbulent emotional waters.
Understanding Narcissistic emotional volatility:
Emotional volatility in narcissistic individuals can stem from their difficulty in regulating emotions, low self-esteem, and a deep-seated need for control. This instability can lead to reactive, aggressive, or manipulative behaviors as the narcissist seeks to protect their fragile sense of self-worth.
Signs of Narcissistic Emotional Volatility:
- Sudden shifts in mood or emotional state, often without apparent reason
- Explosive or irrational reactions to perceived criticism or rejection (particularly if you decline physical intimacy, often they will be relentless and will be coercive)
- A tendency to become easily offended or enraged
- Periods of intense anger or irritation followed by periods of apparent calm
Coping Strategies:
To preserve your emotional well-being while interacting with a narcissist experiencing emotional volatility, consider the following strategies:
- Set firm boundaries and communicate your limits calmly and assertively.
- Avoid engaging in arguments or trying to reason with the narcissist during episodes of heightened emotionality.
Practice self-care and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to process your experiences and build resilience.
15. Projection
Narcissistic projection is a psychological defense mechanism commonly observed in individuals with narcissistic tendencies. This behavior entails attributing their own undesirable traits, insecurities, or shortcomings onto others as a means of avoiding self-reflection and preserving their grandiose self-image.
When a narcissist projects, they unconsciously cast their negative qualities onto the people around them, effectively turning the spotlight away from themselves and their potential flaws. As a result, those on the receiving end may feel unjustly criticized, misunderstood, or wrongly accused.
Recognising Narcissistic Projection:
Identifying instances of narcissistic projection can be challenging, but some signs to look for include:
- Frequently being accused of having traits or behaviors that the narcissist themselves exhibit
- Feeling confused, attacked, or misunderstood during interactions with the narcissist
- Experiencing a consistent pattern of blame and criticism that seems disproportionate or unfounded
Resisting Internalisation:
To protect your emotional well-being and maintain a strong sense of self, it’s crucial to resist internalizing the narcissist’s negative projections. Here are some strategies to help:
- Practice self-awareness and emotional resilience to build a stronger foundation of self-worth.
- Set boundaries and disengage from interactions when narcissistic projection becomes evident.
- Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to validate your experiences and provide guidance.
Summary of male narcissist traits
In conclusion, understanding the unique characteristics and behaviors associated with male narcissistic traits can provide valuable insight into the complexities of this personality type. By recognizing the signs of grandiosity, charm, emotional volatility, manipulation, and attention-seeking, we can better navigate our interactions with narcissistic men and protect our own well-being. However, it is essential to approach this topic with empathy and compassion, acknowledging the deep-rooted insecurities and vulnerabilities that often underlie these challenging behaviors. As we strive to create healthier relationships and foster greater emotional intelligence, exploring the world of male narcissism can offer valuable lessons in self-awareness, boundary-setting, and the importance of genuine connection.
If this resonates, you’re not alone. If you’re dealing with a narcissist and you’d like support, you can go to my home page to view my current availability for booking a session. I offer virtual therapy for those in the UK, US & Europe.