What Can We Do As A Society To Reduce Domestic Abuse?
Domestic abuse is a major problem in the UK, with domestic-abuse-related calls to the police historically being made around every minute. But domestic abuse is not only physical violence. Coercive control can include intimidating behaviour, deliberately standing over someone or getting very close to make them feel threatened, using guilt or pressure to make someone do something they do not want to do, or sulking and becoming hostile when they say no.
Economic abuse is another form of control, where a woman may have her money, employment or access to financial resources controlled by her partner. Abuse is fundamentally about power and control, and it can gradually take away someone’s freedom and sense of self.
The effects can last for generations. Children who grow up around domestic abuse can experience trauma, anxiety, difficulties with emotional regulation and problems forming healthy relationships. They may learn that shouting, intimidation and control are normal ways of dealing with conflict because these are the behaviours they have witnessed. Survivors and children may need sustained support to process what happened, rebuild social safety and learn what healthy relationships look like.
Emotional Regulation Education
This is why emotional education needs to begin early. Anger is often the emotion we see on the surface, while underneath it can be pain, fear, shame, rejection and loneliness. Children need to learn that experiencing anger is not wrong, but hurting or controlling another person because we are angry is not acceptable.
They need to be given practical tools for processing difficult emotions before those emotions become destructive behaviour. Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises and mindfulness can help children become more aware of what they are feeling, while physical activities such as boxing, martial arts, running, football and other sports can provide healthy physical outlets for boys to deal with stress and anger. The goal is not to suppress anger, but to teach children how to recognise it, understand what is underneath it and regulate their response.
This is particularly important when people experience rejection. Rejection can trigger intense feelings of shame, inadequacy and anger, particularly in young people who have not developed a strong sense of self.
We should teach children that accepting rejection is emotional maturity and that another person’s decision does not determine their worth. They need to learn how to sit with disappointment, process hurt, talk about their feelings and move forward without retaliating or trying to control the person who rejected them.
Emotional regulation should therefore include learning how to handle jealousy, frustration, embarrassment, loneliness and rejection without turning those emotions into aggression.
Teach people their rights
Young people should learn that they have rights within every relationship: I have a right to say no. I have a right to change my mind. I have a right to my own body and boundaries. I have a right to privacy. I have a right to feel socially safe. I have a right to have socialise.
When people are informed of their rights they are more aware of their agency and autonomy and can spot the red flags of domestic abuse and seek support before it escalates.
They should also learn that these rights belong to everyone else. If someone says no, changes their mind, moves away or seems uncomfortable, we respect it. Teaching children these principles gives them the confidence to protect their own boundaries while learning that respecting other people’s boundaries is a fundamental part of healthy relationships.
Identity development in schools
Identity development is an important part of this. Schools should not focus solely on exams and academic achievement; they should also help young people understand who they are. Children need opportunities to discover their values, interests, passions, fears and ambitions and to develop hobbies, friendships and communities where they feel they belong. Sport, music, art, volunteering and other activities can give children a sense of purpose and belonging outside romantic relationships. If a young person’s entire sense of identity depends on being accepted by a romantic partner, rejection can feel devastating if they base their whole sense of worth on getting connection from one person.
When someone has a sense of self from hobbies, interests and activities, they get a sense of belonging and their whole world doesn’t crumble when someone rejects them, because they have social resilience from a support network, and emotional resilience as a result.
A stronger sense of self can help them understand that they are still valuable and have a life, community and future beyond one relationship and this reduces the likelihood of domestic violence when people have social support.
Create socially safe communities
We also need to create socially safe communities, particularly for women. Women experiencing domestic abuse are often isolated from friends and family, and some may already have experienced bullying, exclusion or a lack of community support. Safe social spaces where women can relax, build friendships and participate without unwanted sexual attention or harassment can provide an important sense of belonging. Venues should train staff to recognise and respond to harassment, while society as a whole needs to become better at recognising social cues and respecting boundaries.
Cultural shift on boundaries
This requires a wider cultural shift. Children should learn from an early age: don’t harass people, respect boundaries, don’t pressure someone who has said no, and don’t deliberately spread rumours or socially isolate someone because of jealousy or insecurity. Young people need to understand that intimacy should be paced, trust is built over time through consistent actions, and another person’s discomfort is a reason to stop rather than something to overcome.
Challenge Misogyny
We also need to challenge misogyny before it becomes normalised. Misogyny can be learned at home when children see adults using shouting, intimidation or violence rather than emotional regulation and communication.
This does not mean that children raised in these environments will inevitably become abusive, but children do learn from what they see. Schools can provide alternative models by teaching boys that strength is not about control or dominance. Boys should be encouraged to understand their emotions, seek support when they are struggling and develop healthy ways of managing anger, frustration and rejection.
We also cannot ignore the influence of misogynistic online content. Young people need to learn how to critically evaluate influencers and online communities that present women as inferior, relationships as power struggles or domination as masculinity. Education should give young people the confidence to question these messages rather than absorbing them as models for relationships.
Ultimately, reducing domestic abuse requires more than responding after violence has happened. We need to build a culture based on safety, belonging, emotional literacy, respect and healthy relationships.
We need schools that teach children who they are as well as what they can achieve, give them healthy outlets for difficult emotions, teach them how to process rejection without violence, and help them understand that anger does not give them permission to hurt or control someone else. If we can teach children to regulate their emotions, develop a strong sense of identity and respect other people’s boundaries before they enter adult relationships, we have a much greater opportunity to break cycles of abuse rather than simply trying to repair the damage afterwards.