12 Signs of Walking on Eggshells in Relationships
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around certain topics or people to avoid conflict or upsetting someone? This can be a difficult and exhausting way to live, and it can take a toll on our mental and emotional well-being. In this blog post, we’ll explore the signs of walking on eggshells, and offer some tips for breaking free from this pattern and cultivating healthier relationships.
Walking on eggshells is a phrase that describes the feeling of constant anxiety or fear of saying or doing something that might upset or offend someone else. This can lead to a sense of isolation, as we hold back from expressing our true thoughts and feelings, and a lack of authentic connection in our relationships. But why do we do this, and how can we break free from this cycle? Let’s dive in.
Many of us have experienced the pressure to walk on eggshells around certain people or in certain situations. Maybe you’ve avoided bringing up a sensitive topic with a loved one, or held back from expressing your true feelings to avoid conflict. This type of self-censorship can be a coping mechanism to maintain peace, but it can also have negative impacts on our mental health and relationships. In this post, we’ll explore why we walk on eggshells and offer strategies for building more authentic, fulfilling connections.
Have you ever questioned whether constantly walking on eggshells is a sign of emotional abuse?
If so, it’s crucial to recognize that this is indeed an indicator of a toxic relationship. To help identify if you’re experiencing this dynamic, here are 12 signs of walking on eggshells:
1 – You’re more reserved
When you find yourself in a relationship that has you walking on eggshells, you may notice that you’re more reserved than usual. This can manifest as being more cautious with your words, actions, and even your emotions, for fear of triggering a negative reaction from your partner. You might hold back from sharing your true thoughts and feelings, or avoid expressing yourself authentically.
This can lead to a sense of isolation and disconnection within the relationship, as you’re not fully able to be yourself or engage in open, honest communication. Over time, this constant self-censorship and emotional restraint can take a toll on your mental health, happiness, and overall well-being. This is a sign of a relationship that lacks emotional safety as you don’t feel like you can be yourself.
In a healthy relationship, you should never feel like a mere shell of yourself. Instead, you’ll experience a sense of freedom, authenticity, and acceptance that allows you to be your true self without fear of judgment or rejection.
2 – You feel anxious
In a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells, you may find yourself constantly worried about your partner’s reactions, mood swings, or potential outbursts. This worry can be all-consuming, affecting your daily thoughts and actions as you try to anticipate and avoid any possible triggers. You may feel anxious about doing or saying the wrong thing, or worry that your partner will become upset or angry without warning.
This constant state of worry can be emotionally draining and exhausting, leaving you feeling emotionally depleted and on edge. Over time, this chronic stress can impact your mental and physical health, making it difficult to maintain a sense of well-being or happiness within the relationship.
3 – You stay silent
In a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells, you may find yourself frequently staying silent to avoid conflict or upsetting your partner. This can manifest as withholding your thoughts, opinions, or feelings, or avoiding discussing certain topics altogether. You may fear that speaking up will lead to anger, rejection, or further tension in the relationship, so you choose to remain quiet instead.
Over time, this silence can become a pattern of self-censorship that erodes your sense of agency, authenticity, and emotional connection within the relationship. You may feel increasingly isolated or disconnected from your partner, as you’re unable to fully express yourself or engage in open and honest communication. Ultimately, this dynamic of staying silent can take a toll on your mental health and well-being, leaving you feeling frustrated, unfulfilled, and trapped in a relationship that doesn’t allow you to be your true self.
4 – You are isolated
When you’re in a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells, you may find yourself increasingly isolated from friends and family. This can occur as a result of your partner’s controlling or manipulative behavior, as they may discourage or prevent you from maintaining close relationships with others outside of the relationship.
You may feel pressured to prioritise your partner’s needs and desires over your own, leading you to cancel plans with friends, decline invitations to family events, or distance yourself from your support network. Over time, this isolation can leave you feeling lonely, unsupported, and even trapped within the relationship, as you become more dependent on your partner for social interaction and emotional support. Additionally, this isolation can make it more difficult to seek help or support if you need it, as you may feel like you have no one to turn to.
5 – You’ve become dependent
When you’re walking on eggshells in a relationship, you may find yourself becoming increasingly dependent on your partner. This can occur as a result of your partner’s controlling or manipulative behavior, as they may seek to isolate you from your support network, limit your access to resources or opportunities, or undermine your sense of agency and autonomy.
Over time, you may come to rely on your partner for emotional support, financial stability, or basic necessities, even if these things are not being provided in a healthy or sustainable way. This dependency can be a difficult cycle to break, as you may feel like you have no other options or resources to turn to. Furthermore, your partner may use your dependency as a tool for control, threatening to withhold support or resources if you don’t comply with their demands or expectations.
6 – You feel insecure
In a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells, feelings of insecurity can be a common experience. This insecurity can stem from the constant fear of upsetting or disappointing your partner, as well as the lack of emotional safety and stability within the relationship. You may feel anxious or uncertain about your partner’s feelings or commitment to you, especially if they are prone to mood swings, unpredictable behavior, or emotional withdrawal.
This insecurity can be exacerbated by your partner’s critical or belittling comments, which can erode your self-esteem and confidence over time. Additionally, the lack of open and honest communication within the relationship can contribute to feelings of uncertainty and doubt, as you may be left guessing about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, or intentions. Ultimately, the chronic insecurity that often accompanies a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells can be emotionally exhausting and damaging, leading to a sense of hopelessness and despair.
7 – You feel trapped
In a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells, it’s not uncommon to feel trapped or stuck. This can occur as a result of the emotional, psychological, or even physical barriers that your partner has created to maintain control or dominance within the relationship. You may feel like you have no choice but to comply with your partner’s demands or expectations, even if they are harmful or destructive.
This can lead to a sense of hopelessness and despair, as you feel powerless to change your circumstances or escape the relationship. Additionally, the chronic stress and anxiety that often accompanies a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells can take a toll on your mental and physical health, making it even more difficult to find the strength or motivation to leave. Ultimately, feeling trapped in a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells can be a frightening and isolating experience, one that requires courage, support, and resources to overcome.
8 – People pleasing
When you’re walking on eggshells in a relationship, people-pleasing behaviors may become more prevalent as a way to avoid conflict or confrontation with your partner. People-pleasing can involve putting your partner’s needs and desires ahead of your own, bending over backward to accommodate their demands or expectations, or avoiding expressing your true thoughts or feelings in order to keep the peace.
While these behaviors may seem helpful or necessary at first, they can ultimately be damaging to your own well-being and the health of the relationship, as they prevent you from being your authentic self and voicing your needs or boundaries. Furthermore, people-pleasing can perpetuate a power imbalance within the relationship, as it may reinforce your partner’s sense of control or dominance. It’s important to remember that healthy relationships require open, honest communication, and a balance of mutual respect, support, and consideration, rather than the one-sided effort of people-pleasing.
9 – Partner is highly-strung
In a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells, your partner may exhibit a pattern of getting angry at even the slightest provocation. This can create a constant state of anxiety and fear, as you may feel like you have to be extremely careful or accommodating in order to avoid triggering your partner’s anger or aggression. This dynamic can also make it difficult to communicate openly or authentically, as you may fear that expressing your own thoughts or feelings will only escalate the situation.
Over time, this pattern of anger and volatility can erode the emotional safety and stability of the relationship, leaving you feeling constantly on edge or unable to relax. It’s important to remember that anger and aggression are never acceptable or healthy ways of expressing emotions or resolving conflict, and that you deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationships.
10 – You fear your partner
In a relationship where you’re walking on eggshells, feeling fear of your partner is not uncommon. This fear can take many forms, from anxiety about triggering your partner’s anger or aggression to a more pervasive sense of dread or unease around them. You may find yourself avoiding certain topics or behaviors, or constantly monitoring your own words and actions in order to prevent conflict or harm.
This fear can also extend to your partner’s reactions or behaviors in general, as you may feel like you can never predict how they will respond or react in any given situation. Ultimately, feeling fear of your partner is a sign of an unhealthy and potentially abusive relationship dynamic, one that may require outside support or intervention in order to address or escape. It’s important to remember that no one deserves to feel afraid or unsafe in their relationships, and that seeking help and support is a brave and necessary step towards healing and recovery.
11 – Your partner lacks personal responsibility
When you’re in a relationship where your partner refuses to take responsibility for their actions or the harm they cause, it’s a clear sign that you’re walking on eggshells. This refusal to acknowledge accountability is often accompanied by blame-shifting, denial, or justification, leaving you feeling like you’re constantly trying to avoid triggering their anger or defensiveness.
As a result, you may find yourself monitoring your own behavior or censoring your thoughts and feelings, in order to avoid conflict or backlash. This constant anxiety and fear can be exhausting and isolating, and is a hallmark of an abusive and unhealthy relationship dynamic. It’s important to recognize that your partner’s unwillingness to take responsibility is not your fault, and seeking outside support and resources may be necessary to prioritize your own safety and well-being.
12 – Reduced sense of confidence
One of the most significant signs that you’re walking on eggshells in a relationship is a reduced sense of confidence and self-worth. The constant fear, anxiety, and self-censorship required to navigate an unhealthy or abusive relationship dynamic can erode your own sense of identity and self-esteem over time. You may begin to doubt your own perceptions or judgments, or lose touch with your own needs and desires.
This reduced confidence can also extend to other areas of your life, making it more difficult to pursue your goals or interests, or to maintain healthy relationships with others. Ultimately, the experience of walking on eggshells can leave you feeling diminished and powerless, as if your own sense of self has been eroded by the constant effort to please or avoid conflict with your partner.
It’s important to remember that you deserve to feel confident, valued, and respected in your relationships, and that seeking support or resources to rebuild your sense of self is a crucial step towards healing and recovery.
Recap
Walking on eggshells in a relationship is a sign of a deeply unhealthy and potentially abusive dynamic. It’s characterized by a constant sense of fear, anxiety, and self-censorship, as you try to avoid triggering your partner’s anger or defensiveness. Over time, this pattern can erode your own sense of confidence, self-worth, and identity, leaving you feeling isolated, powerless, and alone.
While it’s never easy to acknowledge or address an unhealthy relationship dynamic, recognizing the signs of walking on eggshells is a crucial first step towards healing and recovery. By prioritizing your own safety and well-being, and seeking outside support and resources as needed, you can begin to rebuild your sense of self and cultivate healthier, more authentic relationships that allow you to thrive.
Consider therapy
Considering therapy can be an important step in breaking away from the pattern of walking on eggshells as a fawn response to not having emotional safety in a relationship. A healthy relationship should have emotional safety, and therapy can provide a safe space to explore and address the underlying causes of this pattern. Many of our relationship patterns are unconscious, and by working with a therapist, we can gain greater awareness of these patterns and develop the skills and tools needed to change them. In particular, a therapy approach that emphasizes compassion can be especially helpful. When we meet ourselves with compassion, we give ourselves the validation and strength needed to make positive changes in our relationships and our lives.
Internal Family Systems
One such therapy approach is Internal Family Systems (IFS), which uses a compassion-focused approach to help individuals get to know and heal their anxious and fearful parts. By exploring these parts with love and compassion, we can release them from their burdens and grow in self-worth, self-confidence, and the ability to create healthier relationships. IFS therapy provides a framework for understanding and transforming our internal experiences, leading to greater emotional safety and well-being in our relationships and in our lives. If this resonates, go to my home page to view my current availability for booking a session. I offer virtual therapy for those in the UK, US & Europe.