Unblending From Parts: How to Shift From Overwhelm to Calm with IFS
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), one of the most transformative skills you can develop is unblending from parts. When you are blended, a part of you steps so close that its emotions and beliefs feel like your entire reality. But when you practice unblending from parts, you create the spaciousness needed to reconnect with Self, the calm and compassionate inner presence at the core of IFS. From Self, real healing becomes possible.
This article explores what blending looks like by walking through an example of a depressed, hopeless, or anxious part taking over. You will then learn how to use the 6 F’s of IFS to begin unblending from parts. Finally, you will discover the key question that reveals whether you are in Self-energy or still fused with a protective part.
A Real Example of Blending: When a Depressed or Anxious Part Takes Over
Imagine waking up and immediately feeling a heavy fog settle into your chest. A voice inside whispers that there is no point, nothing will improve, or that you are failing at life. You feel slow, defeated, and drained. In this moment, you are not simply aware of a depressed part. You are fully blended with it. Its beliefs feel like absolute truth. Its heaviness becomes your identity.
Or imagine an anxious part takes over. Your heart races. Your thoughts spin. You feel urgent and unsafe, as though something terrible is about to happen. Again, this is blending. You are inside the part’s worldview with no sense of separation.
The pathway out of this overwhelm is unblending from parts, which helps you shift from “I am hopeless or anxious” to “A part of me feels this way, and I am here with it.”
The 6 F’s: A Roadmap for Unblending From Parts
The 6 F’s of IFS therapy—Find, Focus, Flesh Out, Feel Toward, Befriend, and Fear—offer a simple, gentle structure for unblending from parts. They help you create inner space, find Self-energy, and relate to your parts rather than being taken over by them.
1. Find the Part
Begin by locating what is happening inside. You might notice a tightness in your stomach, a heaviness in your chest, or a spiraling thought pattern. Naming what you notice is the first step in unblending from parts. For example, you might say internally, “I feel a heavy, hopeless sensation in my chest. That seems like a depressed part.”
2. Focus on the Part
Bring your attention to it gently. You are simply turning toward what is already happening, which begins to create separation. You might say internally, “I am noticing you” or “I see you.” This mindful attention continues the process of unblending from parts because you are observing the part rather than becoming swept up in it.
3. Flesh It Out
Explore the part with curiosity. Ask what it looks like, how old it feels, what sensations come with it, or what thoughts it brings. Maybe the hopeless part feels like a tired teenager who wants to collapse. Seeing the part clearly strengthens unblending from parts because curiosity is a hallmark of Self-energy.
4. Feel Toward the Part: The Big Question
This is the most important step. Ask yourself, “How do I feel toward this part?”
This question reveals instantly whether unblending from parts is happening or whether another part is blended with you.
If you feel one of the 8 C’s—calm, curious, compassionate, confident, clear, connected, courageous, or creative—you are in Self. Unblending from parts has begun.
But if you feel anything else, another part is blended. You may feel frustrated, scared, annoyed, impatient, ashamed, or desperate for the part to go away. These reactions signal that a protector is still fused with Self.
When that happens, you simply notice this new part and work on unblending from parts again. You acknowledge it, thank it for trying to help, and ask if it is willing to give you some space. Then you ask the big question again: “How do I feel toward the depressed or anxious part now?”
At some point, you will feel curiosity, compassion, or calmness. That is the moment Self is present.
5. Befriend the Part
Once you are in Self-energy, you can begin building a warm connection with the part. You might say internally, “I want to get to know you” or “You do not have to be alone with this anymore.” This befriending is only possible through unblending from parts, because Self is the only inner presence capable of offering genuine care.
6. Find Out What the Part Fears
Every part has a protective reason for its behavior. You can ask, “What are you afraid would happen if you did not make me feel hopeless or anxious?” Often, hopeless parts fear disappointment or emotional collapse. Anxious parts often fear danger, rejection, or losing control. Understanding these fears deepens trust and completes another layer of unblending from parts.
How You Know You Are Fully Unblended
After unblending from parts, you will feel an unmistakable shift. The emotion no longer overwhelms you. You feel like the one sitting with the part rather than being inside the part’s feelings. A sense of perspective returns. Compassion becomes available. You can now relate to the part rather than react from it.
If It Is Not one of the 8C’s, It Is a Part
In IFS, one principle is reliable and simple. If the way you feel toward a part is not one of the 8 C’s, then another part is blended with you. This is why the question “How do I feel toward it?” is the heart of unblending from parts. It immediately reveals when Self is present and when more space is needed.
Unblending from parts is not about forcing anything. It is about noticing, pausing, and making room for Self-energy to emerge naturally. Each time you practice unblending from parts, the protective parts of you learn, slowly and deeply, that they no longer have to carry everything alone.
IFS therapy can help you get to know your parts, unblend from them, and build a compassionate inner relationship that transforms how you experience yourself. Instead of fighting your thoughts or emotions, IFS therapy teaches you to meet each part with curiosity and care. As you practice unblending, you create enough space for Self-energy to come forward—your natural calm, clarity, and compassion. From this place, you can befriend your parts, understand their fears and intentions, and help them let go of extreme roles they have been carrying. Over time, this creates genuine inner harmony, a sense of wholeness, and a kinder, more connected relationship with yourself.
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