How to Deal with a Narcissist 

How to Deal with a Narcissist 

Narcissism is a complex personality disorder that can have a significant impact on the people around the narcissist. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, whether romantic, familial, or otherwise, it’s crucial to safeguard your emotional wellbeing.

Dealing with someone who is a narcissist can be complex, isolating and emotionally draining with trying to figure out the right strategy and approach to managing their ongoing manipulation and abuse. If you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed by it all, you’ve come to the right place and I’m here to help you navigate this with support, centeredness and strength.

Understanding narcissistic characteristics, along with the development of effective coping strategies, can empower you to better navigate these challenging relationships and safeguard your emotional wellbeing.

What is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is an individual who possesses an exaggerated sense of self-importance and an unhealthy obsession with their image and appearance. Such individuals often exhibit a profound lack of empathy and consideration for others due to their extreme self-centeredness.

The impact of narcissism on those in close proximity to the affected individual can be significant, highlighting the necessity of identifying key signs and formulating effective strategies to cope with these challenging relationships.

By acquiring the ability to recognise narcissistic behaviors and developing appropriate coping mechanisms, you can successfully navigate interactions with a narcissist and mitigate potential harm to yourself and others.

Tips for How to Deal with a Narcissist

Navigating relationships with narcissists can often prove to be mentally draining and emotionally taxing, particularly within shared spaces such as the home or workplace. These challenging dynamics can have a significant impact on your overall mental health, emphasizing the importance of developing effective coping mechanisms to maintain your wellbeing.

By gaining a deeper understanding of the motivations and behaviors of narcissists, alongside implementing key coping strategies, you can successfully manage these complex relationships and preserve your emotional balance. Whether you encounter narcissism in your personal, professional, or social life, these essential tips will assist you in fostering healthier connections and safeguarding your mental health.

1. Run

Interactions with narcissists can lead to emotional exhaustion, self-doubt, and a constant questioning of reality. A relationship with a narcissist means they will sabotage your sleep, your income in an attempt to control you and prevent you from leaving. 

Narcissists are adept at manipulating your emotions and creating a state of uncertainty that can leave you feeling conflicted and drained.

They will use fear and intimidation to make you dependent on them, so it’s difficult to leave. As soon as you encounter a narcissist, know that narcissism abuse is the hallmark of domestic abuse and it needs to be taken seriously. Ask yourself this question: do I want to die? If the answer is no, run.

Attempting to alter a narcissist’s behavior is a futile endeavor; instead, focus your energy on safeguarding your emotional wellbeing and distance yourself from the situation. Focus your energy on building your self-esteem, exploring new employment opportunities, establishing clear boundaries and surrounding yourself with safe people who don’t exploit your emotions.

While these actions may present challenges, remember that the alternative—remaining trapped in a narcissistic cycle—is far more damaging and may lead to PTSD which will impact your ability to feel safe in the world for years to come. Choose your challenges wisely: leaving a relationship or seeking a new job may be difficult, but living under the toxic influence of a narcissist is an even greater burden. 

2. Set boundaries

One of the most effective strategies for dealing with a narcissist is learning how to set boundaries. By understanding how to deal with a narcissist and implementing clear boundaries, you can protect your emotional wellbeing and maintain healthier relationships.

Boundaries are essential personal parameters that define what you are not willing to accept in a relationship. They are non-negotiable limits that tell others what counts as acceptable and tolerable behavior.

For example, you might make it clear that you won’t accept behaviors such as mocking and belittling and your interactions with this person will end.

An important thing to note with how to deal with a narcissist, is that you don’t tell your boundaries, you show them. 

When you are verbalizing your boundaries, narcissists will challenge, test and push your boundaries. At the beginning of a romantic relationship they will test your boundaries by pushing you for intimacy before you’re ready and manipulating and shaming you if you don’t consent.

Instead, you want to enforce your boundaries with actions. So if someone is trying to test your boundaries and push you to do something you don’t want to do, you enforce your boundaries by ending your relationship with this person.

2. Keep personal information private 

When you are dealing with a narcissist, they will display arrogance and will prioritize their ego, self image and reputation over your feelings and safety. This person is NOT a trustworthy or safe person you want to confide in. 

Narcissists will use your personal information against you to control you. This is why it’s important to be cautious of the information you share and not share emotional traumas or previous relationship information. 

If you’re starting a new relationship with someone, it’s important to wait at least 3-6 months before sharing emotional traumas, because people need to earn your trust in a relationship. You can read more about this on my blog post on the trust ladder.

Narcissism abuse is the hallmark of domestic abuse, and an early warning sign of an abusive person is “the headworker”. This is when they will use emotional exploitation to keep you entrapped in the relationship via guilt, obligation and control. Sharing emotional traumas too soon, gives a narcissist ammunition that will be used against you. They will find your emotional triggers and use things against you to entrap you in the relationship.

3. Don’t take what they say at face value

Narcissists may say things to manipulate or control you. Take everything they say with a grain of salt.

Their public personas often serve as a smokescreen, masking their true intentions as they seek to manipulate others for their own benefit.

Instead of cultivating relationships based on respect, trust, openness, and vulnerability, narcissists view interpersonal connections as opportunities to exploit others and satisfy their own desires of control. By understanding these underlying motivations, you can better protect yourself from their manipulative tactics and foster healthier, more balanced relationships.

They will use triangulation and gaslighting to entrap you into a web of control and use personal information against you to instill fear in you and keep you entangled in the relationship though guilt, obligation and control. They will use false rumors and gossiping against you to control you in a narcissistic relationship and domestic abusive relationship. 

Narcissists aren’t genuine people and everything they do is part of a bigger strategy or scheme to control you, invalidate you or create a smear campaign about you, to protect their self-image, at the expense of your emotional safety. 

Again, do not take anything they say at face value, ever. It is always about them. Remove yourself and surround yourself with safe and trustworthy people who respect you, give you a voice and don’t try dominate the conversation and control people’s perceptions of you.

4. Arrogance is a signal to reduce your interactions

Arrogance is a red flag and a signal that this person will dominate the conversation, belittle you and undermine your wellbeing. When you surround yourself with someone who has an inflated sense of self-esteem, you are exposing yourself to being “hurt by a thousand paper cuts”. 

Their first comment to belittle you or mock you under the guise of a joke, may seem harmless, but being exposed to this over a period of time will impact your emotional wellbeing, self-esteem and personal safety. 

This is a way to test your boundaries and see how much they can get away with and is a strategy to undermine your voice.

Set boundaries with people who mocking you by saying something as simple as “are you mocking me?” then enforce your boundaries by limiting your interactions with this person.

5. Consider yourself first

When we Empaths and healers, who are naturally inclined to help and understand others, find ourselves wondering how to deal with a narcissist, it’s important to recognize our vulnerability to their exploitation. Narcissists often take advantage of our compassionate and caring nature, making it crucial for us to establish strong boundaries and prioritize our own well-being.

They will exploit our tendency to be agreeable and empathetic and see us as someone who is easy to control.

They will use emotional blackmail at the beginning of a relationship, so we have sympathy for them. For example, they might dump about their relationships and say “my ex cheated on me” and paint themselves as a victim, when the reality is that their ex left them because they were very controlling.

Or they will say “my kids were taken away from me” to paint themselves as a victim, when the reality is that their kids were removed, because their ex partner felt unsafe with him. 

So it’s important to be mindful that your empathy will be used against you and your empathy will make you want to consider their needs over yours.

For example, instead of prioritising your personal safety and safeguarding yourself against PTSD by staying with this person who will likely sexually coerce you, as sexual coercion is common in narcissistic abuse and domestic abuse.

Instead, you are considering their feelings “but they were cheated on and I want to respect them and not hurt them”. 

A relationship with a narcissist will never be a safe haven, where you will trust, openness and transparency will be practiced. Instead, they enter relationships looking for ways to coerce others.

Always, always, consider your feelings, needs and personal safety FIRST. 

6. Maintain your support system

An important thing to note when considering how to deal with a narcissist is maintaining your support system.

Narcissists will use isolation, psychological and physical isolation to isolate you from your support network and make you emotionally depend on them, so it’s difficult to leave the relationship.

Physical isolation may be isolating you in a rural village where you don’t have access to friends and family, so you don’t have people to turn to about your experiences and for people to warn you that your partner is controlling.

Psychological isolation will include gaslighting, triangulation and shamining techniques to instill shame in you, leading you to believe there is something wrong with you. They will also create a smear campaign about you at the beginning of the relationship, so if you come out sharing your experience of narcissistic abuse and domestic abuse, you’ve already been smeared and invalidated. 

Birds of a feather flock together. If you met this person in a group of friends who flock together, the other people in the group may share narcissistic tendencies, where they are arrogant and prioritise ego and self-image over other peoples safety, so be mindful that even if they try and use community gossiping and rumours against you to isolate you, it is emotional exploitation. 

For example, they will use this to coerce you in the relationship “my friend warned me about you”. Don’t take this at face value, they are using control and coercion. It is nothing about you. Leave this community and limit your interactions. 

Watch out for gaslighting, a strategy used to make you doubt yourself. For example, they will say “they all call you crazy”, to instill fear, doubt and confusion and entrap you in a web of control. Remember, don’t take what they say at face value. Don’t take what other people connected to him may have said at face value. Birds of a feather flock together. If other people are gossiping about you and making false rumors to save face, they’re also using gaslighting to isolate you. 

Gossiping and rumors exacerbates the impact of narcissism abuse and makes it difficult to leave the relationship.

When you are surrounded by toxic people, you are vulnerable to isolation, emotional exploitation and abuse. But this is not your fault, domestic abuse and narcissism abuse is also a community issue. 

Having a support system is essential for protecting your emotional and personal safety. Surrounding yourself with sincere, genuine, safe and trustworthy people who listen to you, respect you and give you a voice, and seek clarity about rumors of you rather than gossiping about you is crucial for your safety as a woman. 

Loneliness and isolation can make people vulnerable to narcissism abuse, and the emotional impact of toxic communities, but you can build a healthy support system around you. This starts by choosing safe people and safe communities that have a safe-guarding policy and a safe-guarding lead.

Having a group of friends who are reliable and trustworthy is key, because when the narcissistic partner is trying to control you and emotionally exploit you, you might have a belief that they’re really caring, but your friend can help you see things more clearly and say “they’re not caring, they’re possessive and controlling”. 

7. Maintain your sense of self

An important thing to note when considering how to deal with a narcissist is maintaining your sense of self.

Narcissists are skilled at manipulating their victims into questioning their own thoughts and feelings, leading to self-doubt and confusion. To counteract this, focus on cultivating a strong sense of self by engaging in activities that reflect your core values and passions.

Having your own self identity, interests, hobbies and purpose in your life is essential for fostering belonging, self-confidence and maintaining healthy self-esteem. 

Prioritise spending time with safe friends and family members who appreciate and support you, and avoid being alone with the narcissist whenever possible.

By filling your schedule with fulfilling pursuits and cultivating your unique strengths—such as volunteering for causes close to your heart—you can foster a sense of personal resilience that protects your self-esteem.

8. Know your rights

An important thing to note when considering how to deal with a narcissist is knowing your rights.

The Freedom Program, designed by Pat Craven, consists of essential rights that every woman should recognise and exercise to maintain personal freedom and autonomy. Here are the rights from the program:

I have the right to be me: Embrace your authentic self and celebrate your unique qualities, beliefs, and interests.

I have the right to respect: You are worthy of respect from others, and you should never tolerate behavior that undermines your dignity or self-worth. This includes belittling and mocking.

I have the right to my own friends and interests: Cultivate friendships and engage in activities that enrich your life and contribute to your personal growth and happiness.

I have the right to live free from criticism and judgment: Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and support you, and distance yourself from those who constantly judge or criticize your actions.

I have the right to my own values and beliefs: Your values and beliefs are an integral part of who you are, and you have the right to maintain them without seeking validation from others.

I have the right to live free from abuse: You should never tolerate any form of physical, emotional, or mental abuse in your relationships.

I have the right to safety: Prioritize your physical and emotional safety by establishing boundaries and avoiding situations that compromise your wellbeing.

I have the right to be happy: Actively pursue happiness and fulfillment in your life by embracing experiences and relationships that bring you joy and contentment.

I have the right to ask for help: Seeking assistance and support from others is a sign of strength and courage, and you should never hesitate to reach out for help when needed.

I have the right to make my own decisions: Trust your intuition and personal judgment when making decisions that impact your life.

I have the right to change my mind: As a woman, you have the right to change your opinions, decisions, and perspectives without needing to justify or explain your reasoning. If you don’t want to go on a date with someone because you’ve change your mind. You have a right to change your mind. If you don’t want to sleep with someone, you have a right to change your mind.

I have the right to say no: You have the inherent right to set boundaries and decline requests or advances that make you uncomfortable. Saying “no” is an essential part of maintaining your autonomy and self-respect.

I have the right to leave a relationship: If a relationship no longer aligns with your needs or values, you have the right to end it. You are never indebted to someone. Be careful of people who say “I do everything for you” and make you feel guilty for wanting to leave when they are isolating you.

I have the right to have my own hobbies: Pursuing personal interests and hobbies is a crucial aspect of self-care and individual growth. You have the right to explore activities that bring you joy, fulfillment, and personal satisfaction without seeking validation or approval from others.

Remember that your happiness and emotional wellbeing are paramount, and you should never feel obligated to remain in a relationship that is detrimental to your mental health.

9. Use the Grey Rock Method

An important thing to note when considering how to deal with a narcissist is not reacting. 

The Grey Rock method is an effective strategy for safely detaching from individuals with personality disorders, as described by Out of the Fog. This technique encourages you to become uninteresting and mundane in your interactions with the narcissist, with the goal of discouraging their interest and potentially leading them to seek a new target or exit the relationship.

To implement the Grey Rock method, consider the following strategies:

• Maintain emotional neutrality: Avoid displaying strong emotions that may fuel the narcissist’s desire for drama or attention.

• Create physical distance: Leave the room or create a physical barrier when engaging with the narcissist.

• Limit conversation topics: Refrain from initiating new discussions or bringing up personal matters.

• Provide brief, uninteresting responses: Keep your replies short and boring to discourage further engagement.

• Safeguard your privacy: Avoid sharing details about your life and minimize discussions about yourself.

• Shift to neutral topics: Steer conversations towards uncontroversial subjects when necessary.

• Resist feeding into drama: Stay calm and detached in the face of their attempts to antagonize you.
• Use simple, impersonal responses: Reply with concise, factual statements, such as “yes,” “no,” or “I don’t know.”

• Be factual and concise: Communicate with precision and objectivity, avoiding personal or emotional content.


By employing the Grey Rock method, you can create an emotional buffer that preserves your mental wellbeing and discourages the narcissist from seeking further engagement. 

10. Write things down

An important thing to remember when considering how to deal with a narcissist is executive functioning. Narcissism abuse can lead to PTSD and poor executive functioning where it becomes challenging to manage tasks and remember events.

To ensure your safety and mental wellbeing when dealing with a narcissist, it’s essential to maintain a comprehensive record of any incidents of narcissistic abuse. This documentation may prove invaluable in potential legal situations and can serve as a powerful tool for countering the effects of “abuse amnesia” – a common tactic employed by narcissists to make their victims question their experiences. 

11. Keep your phone and accounts secured

An important thing to note when considering how to deal with a narcissist is your safety.

Narcissists have a plan to control you in the relationship and will give you a company phone with mobile device management tracking to track you and monitor you in the relationship. They will also allow you to log into their computer laptop on your google account and will use this to track your search history and track your whereabouts. 

Change your passwords regularly and don’t sign into your accounts on their computer. 

12. Open up to others

Narcissistic abuse can be subtle and challenging to identify, particularly when manipulative tactics such as gaslighting and isolation are employed. These methods can lead victims to question their experiences and believe that their relationship is normal or that they themselves are at fault.

To break free from this cycle, it’s crucial to confide in a trusted healthcare professional, friend, or family member, who can offer support and perspective on the unhealthy aspects of the relationship. Sharing your experiences with a supportive person can help you understand that you are not alone and that healthier relationships are possible.

Surrounding yourself with positive people, especially those who model healthy relationships, can provide a much-needed reference point and remind you that your desires for a supportive partnership are valid and attainable. Witnessing healthy relationships firsthand can empower you to seek the same for yourself.

Moreover, receiving validation from others who observe problematic behaviors in your relationship can be immensely helpful. Hearing someone affirm that the actions of your partner, boss, or family member are not acceptable can provide reassurance and strengthen your resolve to prioritize your wellbeing. Remember that you deserve respect, empathy, and genuine care in your relationships – never settle for anything less.

13. Seek trauma-informed support

Treatment for narcissism abuse requires trauma-informed care by professionals who specialise in narcissism abuse. 

Many victims will be gaslighted and invalidated by authority figures that can exploit power dynamics for their own gain, such as law enforcement, friends and family. This can lead to the exploitation of power dynamics and a sense of hopelessness for victims seeking support.

It’s crucial to acknowledge that, despite the prevalence of domestic abuse cases in the UK, with a call for help occurring every minute, law enforcement may downplay reports of abuse if they don’t perceive them as severe. This can leave victims feeling discouraged and unheard, doubting themselves and making them vulnerable to go back to the narcissist.

Remember that your experiences are valid and deserving of attention, regardless of how others might respond. Seeking support from specialised organizations, therapists, or support groups can provide much-needed validation and guidance on how to navigate these complex situations.

We live in a patriarchal culture that minimizes abuse and controlling behavior and the impact it has on women’s ability to feel safe in the world.

You can begin empowering yourself by educating yourself on the power and control wheel, the early warning signs of abusive relationships, the freedom program, the cycle of abuse, and seek support from someone who will validate your experiences. 

If you’d like support for dealing with a narcissist in your life or healing from narcissistic abuse and reducing emotional distress, you can book a session with me.