Internal Family Systems Therapy
Internal family systems therapy is a therapeutic approach that has been helpful to clients who have struggled with depression, anxiety, trauma and relationship issues.
Internal family systems therapy, or IFS, is a type of therapy based on the premise that our minds are made up of sub-personalities or “parts”.
Traumatic or life altering events and past relationships create a protective system of parts that step in and take over to prevent us from re-experiencing pain.
When we’ve experienced harmful events, such as abandonment, neglect, divorce or abuse, and we lack a strong support system to help us process those emotions, we develop unhealthy coping skills to cope. In internal family systems therapy, these coping skills are seen as protective “parts” that step in and take over as needed. This might look like anxiety, to warn us that we’re abandoning ourselves in some way or becoming emotionally detached to avoid facing overwhelming emotions.
Over time, these protective parts become more layered and complicated and they behave in unhelpful and dysfunctional ways. When one protector after another is activated, they start to conflict with each other and it causes stagnation and dysregulation in the system.
Most people can think of a time when they were aware of different parts of themselves. For example, we might think ‘Part of me saw the red flags but another part of me felt abandoned or ‘On the one hand I know I need to take it slow but on the other hand, I feel anxious and struggle with the uncertainty in the early stages of a relationship’.
These parts aren’t bad…they all have positive intentions to protect us either if their actions or effects seem to be counterproductive.
Because their intentions are good, the goal is to acknowledge and validate our parts with warmth and compassion. When they are validated and appreciated for the protective role that they play, they feel heard and they relax.
Instead of trying to fight with, judge or eliminate our parts, we realize that all parts are important aspects of ourselves and have helped us become who we are.
Parts and their roles
There are three distinct parts in the IFS therapy model: “managers”, “exiles” and “firefighters”.
Managers are protector parts. They are protector parts that manage the outside world. They proactively protect other parts from suffering and they work hard to manage or prevent painful or traumatic feelings from surfacing.
The inner critic as a manager
Oftentimes parts take on different personas that a person has been exposed to throughout their lives. For example, if a child is criticized a lot by their mother growing up and they feel like they can never do anything right, they will develop an inner critic. This voice will be a similar critical messaging to the mother’s criticism to preempt their mother’s criticism.
Exiles are “parts” that have been exiled into the psyche. They are usually parts that were formed in childhood and are characterized by feelings of shame, fear and unworthiness and are rooted in trauma and attachment injuries.
Firefighters are also protector parts, but they take on more of a reactive role. They are signaled when exiles are triggered and demand attention. Like a firefighter, they will put out fires by numbing out pain through alcohol, drugs and addictions or engaging in intense emotions like rage.
Children who don’t learn effective strategies when they’re younger will develop firefighter parts in an attempt to protect exiles. These often manifest into maladaptive behaviors such as binging, over-working, over-exercising or inappropriate sexual encounters.
The good news is that these internal parts are not set in stone so they can change and transform with healing. The goal of IFS therapy is to become aware of our own parts, befriend them and unburden them from hurt and pain, so we can achieve balance and find inner harmony.
The Self is the innate presence within each person that is the pure essence of who they are. When people experience hurtful and harmful events in their lives or relationship issues, they lose their sense of self and they struggle to trust themselves and others.
The self is inherently good and whole and it cannot be broken or damaged. Sometimes, parts become blended and dominate the system, obscuring the Self. Through the course of internal family systems therapy, clients learn to differentiate the self from the blended parts and they feel more comfortable in their own skin.
During treatment, a person will know that the “self” has been accessed because challenges will be approached using the 8 C’s; Compassion, Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Connectedness, Confidence and Creativity.
Techniques in internal family systems therapy – the 6 F’s
In internal family systems therapy, therapists will use a six-step process to help you to get to know parts and their fears.
Find
Turn your attention inward, possibly by starting with a body scan meditation and pay attention to the sensations in your body that come up. Perhaps you feel a lump in your throat? Or you feel a zig zaggy sensation in your stomach? Notice any sensations and see what parts are present.
Focus
Identify the part you want to focus on and focus your attention there.
Flesh Out
Flesh out the part you’re focusing on by describing your experience of it. What does this part want you to know? What image represents this part? Does it represent you at a particular age?
Feel Toward
How do you feel about this part? Are you open and curious to get to know it? Or are you resistant? Perhaps you feel frustrated toward it? This helps you discover additional parts that are associated with the target part (a resistant part and a frustrated part).
Befriend
Express curiosity towards this part and validate its role in protecting you.
Fear
Ask what this part fears would happen if it changed its role. For example, the resistant part may worry it won’t work and that life will fall apart. When you can understand what a part fears it helps you to slowly reduce shame and self-criticism as you understand your parts.
What to expect
The first session is an opportunity for you to get a feel for me as a person and how we could work together. We’ll start with clarifying the issues that made you seek therapy and may cover some personal history on a level that is comfortable for you, in order for you to better understand what you need help with and what you hope to get out of therapy. If we have time, we can start with the IFS therapy work itself.
During subsequent sessions, we will identify parts that are needing your attention and will start to get to know these parts. Each session we will use techniques like:
- Talk therapy
- Awareness of body sensations
- Imagery
- Seeing an image or using visualizations
- Dialoguing with parts
It is normal to experience anxiety, resistance, discomfort or shame and together we will help you manage these feelings and befriend them.
What internal family systems therapy can help with
Internal family systems therapy is a psychotherapy for a range of emotional issues, such as depression, anxiety, relationship problems, childhood emotional neglect and abuse.
It was developed originally to treat severe mental health issues of trauma and abuse and it is effective at addressing other mental health issues such as mood disorders, addictions, compulsive behaviors and phobias.
Benefits of internal family systems
In a study of female college students with moderate to severe depression, researchers found that IFS therapy to have the following benefits for participants:
- Viewing depression symptoms as normal reactions to stressors or trauma
- Cultivating psychological resilience and the ability to bounce back from difficult life events
- Reframing their story from the lens of compassion and understanding
- Giving them power through self-leadership in achieving an internal balance
- Strong self-awareness and a better understanding of themselves
Effectiveness of internal family systems
Internal family systems is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy that has been shown to improve general functioning and well-being in regards to clients with chronic pain symptoms.
It also found that IFS has promising outcomes for clients experiencing depression, phobia, generalized anxiety symptoms, issues with self-concept and physical health conditions.
Bessel van der Kolk, a psychiatrist and leading researcher on trauma, has strongly backed the use of IFS in his book, The Body Keeps the Score. In this book he details his own experience using IFS with clients suffering from harmful experiences and relationship conflicts.
How is internal family systems different to other therapy options?
Internal family systems is a very distinct model of psychotherapy but it has some aspects in common with Family Systems Therapy, Gestalt Therapy and hypnotherapy.
IFS vs Person-centered therapy
Person-centered therapy is a widely used psychotherapy model that emphasizes the client’s natural ability to self-actualise or grow and change in ways that will help them carve their path. IFS and person-centered therapy are similar in that they both emphasize that the client is the expert of their own life and innate ability to heal.
IFS vs CBT
Cognitive behavioural therapy is a therapeutic approach that focuses on changing a client’s thoughts and beliefs in order to change their behaviour. IFS on the other hand isn’t about changing the client’s thoughts. Instead it’s about understanding and addressing the root of where the thoughts have come from. The idea of IFS is that these thoughts are a result of painful and traumatic events that have created these thoughts to protect someone from re experiencing pain. Through ifs therapy, clients can heal their wounded parts and release trauma, hurt and pain out of the body.
IFS vs Gestalt therapy
Gestalt therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on a person’s present life rather than delving into their past experiences. It operates from a place of understanding that as clients become increasingly aware, they will overcome existing roadblocks. It is similar to IFS in that it works creatively with parts and is body centered. For example, in sessions the therapist may ask the client where they feel the part in their body (e.g., a pit in their stomach). IFS differs to gestalt therapy in that there is a technique where clients revisit memories of the past to unburden wounded parts.
IFS vs Family Systems therapy
Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS was a trained family systems therapist and he was interested in how family members interact with each other and affect one another. IFS and family systems therapy sound very similar, yet whilst family systems looks at the external systems of a client, IFS focuses on the internal systems. Through IFS therapy, you’ll develop tools that will allow you to effectively lead all of your inner parts (thoughts, feelings, beliefs) which are responsible for behaviour.
Can IFS help my relationships?
Many times in our life, we can get stuck in old patterns. This might look like pursuing emotionally unavailable partners, abandoning ourselves or being codependent in relationships.
Through an IFS lens, our parts unconsciously choose these partners from a place of fear, “not-enoughness” and shame. Internal family systems can help you to unburden these wounds, so you can cultivate self-leadership and choose relationships from self.
Relationships also trigger parts of ourselves that carry unresolved emotions and working with an IFS therapist can help us to regulate our emotions better, communicate better and experience more harmonious relationships.
Can internal family systems help with insecure attachment?
Internal family systems is internal attachment work. As we relate to our parts from self, our parts feel seen, heard and understood, and overtime a secure attachment is formed. When this internal attachment becomes more secure, this is reflected outwardly when we attach to others. We become better at regulating our emotions, we become less defensive, we set healthier boundaries and our communication with others improves.
Through the course of treatment, many clients feel more calm and grounded and less anxious in relationships.
What if I’m not comfortable talking about myself or what I’m feeling inside?
The IFS approach is client centered and we ask permission form parts before talking about how we feel inside. If needed, we spend time getting to know and befriending protectors that might keep you from talking about something that can be overwhelming, embarrassing or shameful.
These protective parts might cause you to judge, numb, resist or shut down, but all resistance in IFS is welcomed. Although it may seem counterproductive to pay attention to parts of you that worry therapy isn’t going to work, these protectors serve a role in your life and shape who you are and if they’re not acknowledged, they will retaliate and sabotage the process.
What would we talk about if I feel uncomfortable or awkward with the idea of therapy or talking to a stranger about my problems?
It is a natural part of therapy to feel uncomfortable or resistant about the process. We can be stuck in patterns and habits for so long, that we can feel trapped and hopeless that things will never change.
When we stop trying to push away or get rid of feelings, an interesting thing happens. Rather than seeing them as obstacles to the real goal of therapy, we treat them as a valuable part of therapy.
These protective parts are working tirelessly around the clock to prevent us from feeling emotionally overwhelmed with our grief. When we can get permission from our protector parts, we become connected to self and experience a natural presence, calmness and curiosity.
This allows you to talk about what you’re feeling inside without feeling emotionally flooded or anxious. You’re able to discuss things from a place of more ease and you’re able to release any stored emotions in the body.
Advantages of internal family systems therapy
- Internal family systems therapy is a beautiful model that helps people to process their inner world with an energy of curiosity and compassion. This approach helps people to break old, unhealthy patterns.
- It is a creative and dynamic form of psychotherapy that can be adjusted
- Internal family systems therapy is an evidence-based approach that has been shown to ease symptoms of emotional stress long term.
- Internal family systems therapy helps people to process difficult emotions and release trauma out of the body.
- Internal family systems therapy is a model that helps clients build self-reliance and not only become dependent on their therapist but become their own inner healer. Once they’ve integrated the ifs model, they can continue to do the work on their own.
How long does internal family systems therapy take?
When starting psychotherapy, there is a period becoming acclimated and developing trust toward a therapist. Another element to consider is that working with the internal family systems model will be very different to any other kind of therapy you’ve had. Many people will resonate with IFS right away and will experience noticeable changes in their emotional symptoms. But it usually takes 3-4 sessions to start to understand the flow of IFS therapy, so I recommend that you work with me for 1-2 months before you try to assess whether it is working for you. The period of your treatment can be anywhere from 4-9 months or more.
If you’re looking to ease or resolve emotional stress, this may be a good therapy approach for you.
Clients find that their symptoms of anxiety, panic and depression ease, and they feel more calm and grounded, and comfortable in their own skin.
If this resonates, go to my home page to view my current availability for booking a session. I offer virtual therapy for those in the UK, US & Europe.