What Can We Do in Our Society to Prevent Domestic Abuse?
Every week, a woman in the UK is murdered as a result of domestic violence, and every minute a call is made to the police in the UK about domestic abuse.
As a practitioner of five years, I have worked with people who have experienced depression, anxiety and PTSD as a result of domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse.
In our society, we are not doing enough to prevent domestic violence, and it isn’t discussed enough.
We still operate largely from a medical model when it comes to mental health, where we diagnose people who have experienced abuse with depression, anxiety, PTSD, CPTSD, or panic disorder, rather than focusing on what they have actually experienced. I think this is important because we can end up treating the symptoms without properly looking at the environment and experiences that contributed to them. We’re failing to address the root cause, which is often trauma, neglect and abuse.
There are also people who do come to seek therapy but are blind to their own vulnerability. They may not recognise that they have been in an unhealthy or controlling dynamic, particularly if these behaviours have been normalised throughout their lives. Some people may also have additional vulnerabilities that make power and control dynamics harder to recognise. This can include some neurodivergent people, depending on their individual circumstances. They may find certain social or interpersonal dynamics more difficult to recognise or navigate.
There are also people who have experienced coercive control within their families and relationships without recognising it as abuse. This is why we need to look beyond the diagnosis and understand the person’s environment and relationships. Someone may present with anxiety, depression, PTSD or panic attacks, but the question should also be:
What has happened to this person?
What are they currently experiencing?
Do they have family nearby?
Are they connected to a community?
These questions are important because isolation can be a huge part of vulnerability. Someone can be struggling with their mental health while also being completely disconnected from their family, friends and wider community. If we only treat the symptoms, we can miss the bigger picture. Not everyone who experiences coercive control sees themselves as a victim. Some people have lived with controlling behaviour for so long that it feels normal. Others may have been isolated to the point where they no longer have people around them who can help them recognise what is happening.
This is where I think prevention and early intervention are so important.
Abuse is not just physical. It can also be economic abuse, such as controlling the finances in the home, as well as emotional abuse such as threats of harm. It can involve isolation, jealousy, manipulation, monitoring, intimidation and controlling someone’s choices.
In the last decade, there has been a rise in trauma therapies that aim to address the root cause, such as EMDR and IFS. However, many people can’t afford these types of therapies. People who experience domestic abuse can often go into debt and may not have the social safety or stability to pursue employment because they are living in survival mode. Our approach is still mostly treatment and reactionary. But we can also have preventative measures where we create a safer society.
We need to prioritise socially safe places, address attitudes towards women, and teach boundaries and emotional regulation in schools.
Children who grow up in abusive homes have experienced social modelling of these behaviours and may not develop a clear concept of respect, healthy relationships and boundaries. So, as a society, what can we actually do to reduce domestic abuse?
Shout Up Venues
The first time I saw a Shout Up poster was in a pub in Newcastle. It was displayed on the glass window, and I immediately noticed it.
It set the tone that harassment would not be tolerated in that venue. This is one step ahead of initiatives such as Ask for Angela, where women who experience harassment or feel unsafe can speak to bar staff anonymously.
I think these initiatives are positive because every bar and venue needs to have a process for managing harassment and creating a safe environment.
However, there is also a problem with placing the responsibility on the victim. Ask for Angela posters are often placed inside ladies’ bathroom doors. This means the issue can still feel like something that is kept “under the rug”. The woman who feels unsafe has to approach a member of staff for help.
What we need to do is make these messages visible to everyone. Shout Up Venue posters should be placed in both female and male bathrooms, as well as in visible areas of the venue. This sets the tone and clearly communicates the boundaries of the venue to everyone, rather than only giving women instructions on what to do if they feel unsafe.
It also shifts the responsibility away from the potential victim and towards the people who may perpetrate harassment. It sends a clear message: this is what we expect from people in our venue, and harassment will not be tolerated.
This is important because prevention is not just about telling women how to keep themselves safe. It is also about creating environments where potential perpetrators know what the boundaries are, understand that their behaviour will be challenged, and are aware that the venue takes harassment seriously.
For me, this is what makes the Shout Up approach so valuable. It makes the conversation visible rather than something that is hidden away in a bathroom. It creates a culture and sets a standard before something happens, rather than only responding once someone has already experienced harassment. It changes our attitudes and values in society and addresses the collective issue.
I have approached several bars in Newcastle about this, and a few have responded positively. Some have told me that they have already had training around harassment, and others have been shocked when hearing some of the statistics around domestic violence. If we can create more harassment-free zones and safer places, I believe we can help reduce domestic abuse.
Education Starts Early
Another important element is education in schools.
We need more education for boys around consent, respect, boundaries, and learning how to accept rejection and regulate emotions rather than turning to anger or violence.
Accepting rejection is part of emotional maturity. If boys have been raised in abusive homes where boundaries are regularly crossed, they may not have been shown what healthy relationships look like. If they have grown up in neglectful homes and experienced a lot of loneliness or a lack of love and affection, they may carry a lot of emotional pain into adulthood.
Without the right support, some people may struggle to process feelings of rejection and loneliness in healthy ways. Instead of seeking therapy or learning how to regulate those emotions, they may express their pain through anger, control or aggression.
This can become particularly important after a relationship ends. Some people may struggle to accept the loss of control or rejection, and this can contribute to post-separation abuse. In the most serious cases, post-separation abuse and escalating controlling behaviour can contrbute to domestic homicides.
This means that we have an opportunity to intervene earlier. We can teach children about boundaries, consent, emotional regulation, rejection and healthy relationships before they enter adulthood. We can also make therapy and emotional support more accessible, so that people who are carrying pain from neglect or childhood experiences have somewhere to process it rather than taking it out on other people.
Prevention needs to start before someone becomes a victim or a perpetrator.
Connecting Mental Health to Communities
I also think we need to look at how mental health services connect people back into their communities.
Andy Burnham has spoken about expanding community-based mental health provision and making support more accessible outside traditional clinical settings. There are also initiatives looking at bringing mental health support into community spaces such as libraries and other local centres.
I think this is where we need to think differently about mental health.
If someone is struggling with depression, anxiety or trauma, medication can be helpful for some people and can help stabilise symptoms. But medication alone does not necessarily address loneliness, isolation, lack of purpose or the absence of a supportive community.
We need GPs to be able to connect people who are struggling with their mental health to local community spaces where they can take part in activities such as yoga, capoeira, games nights, creative activities and other social groups.
These spaces can give people somewhere to go, something to do and, importantly, people to connect with. Many of these activities can also be affordable because they are supported through local councils, community organisations or take place in existing spaces such as community centres and libraries.
This is something I think we need much more of. If someone is isolated, prescribing medication and sending them home does not necessarily change the environment they are returning to.
What if, alongside appropriate medical support, they were also given a list of local community groups and activities they could attend? What if a GP could say: “There is a community centre near you that runs a yoga class on Tuesday, a games night on Thursday and a creative group on Friday. Would you like me to connect you with them?” We need more safe community places where people can meet others, build relationships and feel that they belong.
Because prevention isn’t only about stopping domestic abuse. It is also about creating a society where people are less isolated, more connected and more likely to have someone around them who notices when something isn’t right.
This is why I think mental health, domestic abuse and community connection need to be talked about together.
Prevention Rather Than Reaction
We need to move beyond simply reacting to domestic violence once it has happened and start thinking about what we can do to prevent it in the first place.
For me, that means creating safer environments, educating children, challenging attitudes towards women, recognising the signs and making it clear that harassment and abuse are not acceptable.
It also means becoming better at recognising the people who may be isolated and vulnerable before they reach crisis point. There are people experiencing coercive control who may not even realise they are experiencing it. There are people who present to healthcare professionals with mental health difficulties without the underlying trauma ever being identified. There are people who have grown up around controlling behaviour and have never been shown what a healthy relationship looks like.
If we want to prevent domestic violence, we need to start looking beyond the diagnosis and asking:
What has happened to this person?
What are they currently experiencing?
Do they have family nearby?
Are they connected to a community?
Do they have people around them who know them and can support them?
These questions could help us understand vulnerability much earlier.
I will be contacting various bars in Newcastle and asking them to consider training their staff around the Shout Up initiative and displaying posters in their venues. Small changes in our communities can help create a culture where people feel safer, harassment is challenged, people are more connected, and respect and boundaries are taken seriously.
If we want to reduce domestic violence, we need to stop waiting until someone becomes a victim before we act. We need to start preventing it.