Therapy for Childhood Trauma – Healing with Internal Family Systems

Therapy for Childhood Trauma – Healing with Internal Family Systems
Many people seeking therapy for childhood trauma grew up in homes that felt emotionally unsafe, unpredictable, or controlling. There may not have been one single event that stands out as “the trauma,” but rather a constant sense of walking on eggshells, being watched, corrected, or pressured for a reaction. For some, childhood involved angry or dysregulated parents, emotional coldness, criticism, or experiences of emotional, physical, or psychological abuse.
In these environments, children often learn early that it is not safe to be themselves. Their nervous system adapts not for growth, but for survival.
Therapy for childhood trauma is not about blaming parents or reliving the past. It is about understanding how early environments shaped your emotional world, nervous system, and sense of self and how those adaptations may still be affecting you today.
Childhood Trauma Beyond Obvious Abuse
Childhood trauma does not only occur in overtly abusive homes. Many people who seek therapy for childhood trauma describe growing up in families that were emotionally unstable or controlling. Parents may have been easily angered, intrusive, unpredictable, or emotionally unavailable. You may have been pressured to behave a certain way, criticised for small mistakes, or shunned when you expressed needs or emotions.
For a child, these experiences are deeply impactful. When caregivers are dysregulated, frightening, or emotionally cold, the child has no safe place to land. Over time, the nervous system learns to stay alert, suppress emotion, or disappear internally.
This kind of trauma is relational and cumulative — it develops slowly, often invisibly, and is carried forward into adulthood.
Signs of Childhood Trauma
People often minimise their experiences because “nothing terrible happened.” Yet therapy for childhood trauma frequently begins when adults notice long-standing emotional patterns that don’t seem to make sense in the present.
Some common signs include growing up:
- Feeling scared much of the time
- Afraid to make mistakes or get things wrong
- With angry or emotionally dysregulated parents
- Being shunned, criticised, or rejected for small things
- With cold, distant, or emotionally unavailable parents
These experiences shape how a child learns to relate to themselves and others.
How Childhood Trauma Manifests in Adulthood
The impact of childhood trauma often shows up not as memories, but as ways of being. Many adults who seek therapy for childhood trauma describe patterns such as:
- Suppressing their authenticity
- Making themselves small or invisible
- Fear of anger — their own or other people’s
- Difficulty expressing needs or boundaries
- Growing up feeling disconnected or shut down
- Chronic low mood or depression
These patterns are not personality flaws. They are adaptations that once helped you survive an environment where it was not safe to be fully yourself.
Therapy for childhood trauma helps you understand these adaptations with compassion, rather than judgement.
Therapy for Childhood Trauma and Finding Inner Safety
For many people, childhood trauma is not experienced as a single event, but as a persistent sense of emotional insecurity or fear of being left, rejected, or abandoned. While counselling can help you understand your childhood experiences, it may place less focus on how trauma continues to live in the nervous system and body in the present.
In therapy for childhood trauma, people often describe having already gained insight into their past. They may understand why they struggle with anxiety, panic, emotional overwhelm, or fear in relationships, yet still find themselves reacting in ways that feel automatic and hard to control. This can be confusing and deeply discouraging, especially when insight alone has not led to lasting change.
This is because childhood trauma is often not held as a story or belief, but as a lived, physiological experience. Early environments marked by emotional unpredictability, anger, withdrawal, or lack of safety can leave the nervous system organised around fear of loss, rejection, or abandonment. These patterns can continue long after childhood has ended, shaping emotional reactions, relationships, and a sense of inner safety.
Lasting change often requires a therapeutic approach that works directly with these deeper layers. When emotions linked to childhood trauma are processed experientially — rather than only talked about the nervous system can begin to settle, and the body can learn that it is no longer living in the original threat. Somatic, experiential approaches such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) are particularly well suited to this work.
In Internal Family Systems therapy, patterns such as fear of abandonment, hypervigilance, anxiety, or emotional shutdown are understood as protective responses that developed in childhood to keep you safe. Therapy focuses on gently meeting these responses with curiosity and compassion, allowing the system to release what it has been holding and rebuild a sense of inner safety.
Many people who seek therapy for childhood trauma find that fears of abandonment, rejection, or being “too much” are not separate issues, but natural consequences of growing up without consistent emotional safety. Addressing childhood trauma at this level allows healing to occur where it was originally shaped.
When Counselling Hasn’t Led to Sustainable Change
Traditional counselling often relies on insight, reflection, and verbal processing. While this can be helpful, many people notice that understanding their past does not necessarily change how their body reacts in the present.
You might know logically that you are no longer a child, yet still freeze around authority, panic when someone is angry, or shut down emotionally under stress. You may understand your childhood clearly, yet continue to feel overwhelmed, disconnected, depressed and like you’re walking on eggshells.
This happens because childhood trauma is often held in implicit memory in the nervous system and the body rather than in conscious thought alone. Without working directly with these layers, emotional responses formed in childhood can continue long after the danger has passed.
Effective therapy for childhood trauma needs to address what lives beneath words.
In Internal Family Systems therapy this is often understood as a part that is frozen and stuck in the past.
Internal Family Systems and Childhood Trauma
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a gentle, evidence-based approach that is particularly well suited to therapy for childhood trauma. IFS understands the mind as made up of different “parts” that are often emotional states or strategies that developed to help you cope.
In homes with anger, control, or emotional neglect, children often develop protective parts that stay vigilant, compliant, or hyper-aware. Alongside these protectors are younger, more vulnerable parts that carry fear, shame, sadness, or terror.
At the core of IFS is Self energy which is a natural state of calm, curiosity, compassion, and clarity. Therapy supports access to this state so that painful experiences can be met safely.
A Gentle IFS Process: Working With an Anxious Protector
In childhood trauma, anxiety and overthinking often function as protectors. These parts may constantly scan for danger, anticipate anger, replay conversations, or try to control situations to avoid being punished, shamed, or overwhelmed. While exhausting, these parts developed to keep you safe in environments where emotional or physical safety was not guaranteed.
Internal Family Systems work begins with curiosity, presence, and compassion. There is no attempt to fix or remove anything. Instead, the aim is to build a relationship with the parts that have been working so hard for so long.
In therapy, this process is guided carefully, but it may look something like this:
You begin by settling into a quiet, safe space. Sitting comfortably, you bring attention to your breath and allow your body to arrive in the present moment. Any tension, tightness, or restlessness is noticed without judgement.
Next, you gently bring to mind a mild situation where anxiety or overthinking was activated, perhaps a moment where you felt afraid of anger, control, or doing something wrong. The experience does not need to be intense; even a subtle activation is enough.
You then bring awareness to your body. You may notice tightness in your chest, a clenched stomach, tension in your jaw, or buzzing in your head. These sensations are how the anxious protector communicates.
As you stay present, you may notice internal thoughts or voices that are analysing, worrying, or trying to keep everything under control. Beneath this, you may sense a younger part that feels scared, small, or frozen, carrying memories of being shamed, frightened, or overwhelmed.
Rather than trying to change anything, the focus is on staying present with both parts. The anxious protector is acknowledged for trying to keep you safe. The younger part is recognised for the fear it still carries.
Unblending is an important step. Instead of “I am anxious” or “I’m in danger,” the language shifts to: “I notice a part of me that feels anxious,” or “I notice a part of me that is afraid of anger.” This creates space and allows Self energy to emerge.
From this calmer place, gentle curiosity is brought to both parts. You might wonder how the protector learned this role, and how long the younger part has been carrying its fear. Responses may arise as sensations, images, emotions, or words.
Compassion naturally follows. The protector’s positive intent is recognised. The younger part is met with care rather than avoidance. Healing happens through being seen and understood, not forced.
This kind of experiential work is central to therapy for childhood trauma because it allows emotional energy to be processed and released safely.
IFS, Memory Reconsolidation, and Healing
IFS therapy supports healing through memory reconsolidation, the process by which emotional memories can be updated and reprocessed when they are accessed in a safe, regulated state.
Often what happens is when we go through a traumatic experience we don’t have the support or tools to process those emotions and those emotions aren’t metabolised.
These emotions get stored as emotional energy in the brain and nervous system and this explains why we get emotionally triggered, because those unresolved emotions that sit in our brain and nervous system are re-activated.
IFS therapy helps people to metabolise memories of childhood trauma, such as abandonment, neglect and abuse, and reprocess them from their adult selves. This helps them to reparent the parts of them that felt rejected, abandoned and mistreated and release the stored emotional energy from their mind and body.
Often in IFS therapy this looks like asking your adult self “if you were to change or heal what had happened what would you do?” This asks your adult self, your secondary caregiver to redo that experience and meet those unmet needs. This might look like standing up for your inner child and setting boundaries to a parent, sitting beside them, validating their emotions or giving your younger self a hug. This is called reparenting and after reparenting has taken place, we might ask your younger self if they would like to leave that situation and go somewhere where they feel emotionally safe, such as a beach, forrest or safe home.
When childhood memories are revisited with Self energy present, the nervous system can learn something new: that the danger has passed, that support is available now, and that the body no longer needs to stay in survival mode.
After this step in IFS therapy, we might ask a client if they are ready to unburden and let go of all of the stored emotions, thoughts and beliefs they carry from their mind and body.
Often we ask them if they would like to unburden with earth, air, fire or water and through visual imagination the client will imagine that process for themselves and unburden the emotional wound they have been carrying. Often this happens after we have mindfully witnessed and reparented that part several times before unburdening.
Therapy for childhood trauma, such as IFS therapy works precisely because it has a focus on releasing trauma.
This is what tends to happen after releasing a traumatic memory and experience:
- They feel lighter in their body and nervous system.
- They become less emotionally triggered and reactive.
- They have more capacity to pause and choose their responses.
- The memory feels like it belongs in the past rather than the present.
- Their nervous system shows increased regulation and stability.
A Gentle Invitation
If you are considering therapy for childhood trauma, you do not need to have all the answers or justify your experiences. If something in your past still lives in your body, emotions, or relationships, it deserves care.
I offer therapy for childhood trauma in Newcastle, UK, and online, using a trauma-informed Internal Family Systems approach. This work is gentle, collaborative, and paced to support safety and regulation.
Instead of going over experiences, we use an experiential approach where we explore these parts with openness and curiosity and develop compassion and appreciation to the parts of us that had to adapt. This helps to build self acceptance, redo experiences and build emotional safety.



