IFS For Anxiety

Anxiety is a pervasive and often debilitating emotion that can leave us feeling trapped in a relentless cycle of worry, fear, and distress. 

It is a complex, multi-faceted emotion, deeply rooted in our evolutionary history as a survival mechanism. In its adaptive form, anxiety serves as an internal alarm system, alerting us to potential threats and guiding us to seek safety. 

However, when anxiety becomes excessive or persistent, it can significantly impair our ability to function and engage in daily life.

If you are struggling with anxiety, you might be impacted by one of the following:

• Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
• Panic attacks
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Anxious-attachment
• Social anxiety
• Intrusive thoughts

Anxiety disorders, such as generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder, are characterised by a heightened state of worry, apprehension, and physical arousal that often interferes with an individual’s well-being. 

Common symptoms may include racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and feelings of unease or impending doom.

Its hold on our life can seem insurmountable, yet there exists a powerful therapeutic approach that holds the potential to unlock a world of emotional freedom and liberation.

Enter Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy – a groundbreaking modality that helps us heal anxiety through compassion.

IFS therapy invites us to explore our inner world, illuminating the interconnectedness of our various emotional parts and the roles they play in our daily experiences. 

Recognizing anxiety’s role in our internal system is a crucial first step in the IFS journey, as it enables us to identify and address the specific parts that contribute to our emotional distress. By understanding anxiety’s purpose and origins, we can begin to cultivate self-compassion and explore new ways of relating to our anxiety. 

Through the lens of IFS, we can discover new ways of relating to anxiety with compassion and mindfulness and getting to the emotional root of anxiety for deep and profound emotional healing.

How to Understand Anxiety with IFS

IFS for anxiety will help people heal anxiety by mindfully separating from their anxious thoughts and feelings, so they feel less overwhelmed by their anxiety

For example, instead of saying “I am anxious” we can learn to say “a PART of me is anxious”. 

IFS helps people to connect with their anxiety and BE WITH the anxiety with mindful presence, which helps people to feel less flooded and emotionally overwhelmed by their anxiety. 

Working With Anxiety-related Exiles

Anxiety is often the manifestation of an underlying, unresolved emotional wound or trauma. 

When a child has repetitive experiences of a parent failing to comfort and reassure them, this will form an emotional wound of abandonment in their subconscious mind and the child will interpret these experiences by forming limiting beliefs such as 

“people will leave me” and “nobody loves me”. This creates an abandoned exile that carries stored emotional energy of hurt and pain in the subconscious mind and nervous system.

When the pain is so great, the child learns to repress this burden into their subconscious mind and the child forms a deep fear of abandonment into their future relationships. 

Working With Anxiety-related Protectors

In an attempt to manage this deep fear of abandonment, the child will learn coping mechanisms and behaviours to protect themselves from the pain of potential abandonment. 

These strategies may include becoming a people pleaser and prioritising the feelings and needs of others above their own, being overly accommodating. Then as an adult, they may over-analyse because they don’t trust their gut, become angry and critical when they don’t get their needs met, especially if they struggle to set boundaries and advocate for their emotional well-being.

If we are to consider IFS for anxiety, then we would break these down into managers and protectors.

Managers in IFS for Anxiety

Managers are parts that are proactive and work hard to protect the person from feeling anxiety from the exiles. 

They will scan for possible future events of abandonment and take actions to prevent that from happening and prevent the abandoned exile from being activated. 

People pleasing is a common manager people develop in order to prevent themselves from rejection and abandonment. 

Becoming clingy or needy is also another manager people with this abandonment wound develop such as 

Clinginess and neediness is a common manager in IFS for individuals with an abandonment wound, and it tends to surface when someone they care about seems distant or unresponsive. 

This manager attempts to maintain the connection and gain reassurance by seeking constant attention, displaying controlling behaviours, or becoming overly dependent.

For example, if a friend or partner takes longer than usual to respond to a text message or seems preoccupied, the individual might react with heightened anxiety and resort to clingy or needy behaviours. While this manager believes it is protecting the individual from potential abandonment, its actions can ultimately strain relationships and exacerbate feelings of insecurity.

A worry manager in IFS is another attempt a person may use to protect them from potential abandonment. They may engage in a pattern of persistent, negative thinking. This manager will focus on anticipating worst-case scenarios in relationships, leading the person to feel a heightened sense of vulnerability and unease. By fixating on what could go wrong, a worry manager maintains a state of hyper-vigilance that can ultimately perpetuate a cycle of insecurity and fear in personal connections.

An over-analysing manager in IFS often emerges as a response to past experiences of abandonment, manifesting as an incessant need to scrutinize every aspect of interpersonal interactions. 

This manager seeks to gain control over potential hurt by examining conversations, body language, and behaviours of others for hidden meanings or signs of rejection. In doing so, the individual is continually on edge, feeling as though they must decipher every nuance and detail to protect themselves from the pain of abandonment. While this strategy may seem protective, it can actually lead to greater distress, as the constant analysis often fuels anxiety and prevents genuine connection with others.

A controlling manager in IFS therapy often arises as a means to prevent feelings of abandonment by attempting to exert influence over people, situations, and outcomes. This manager seeks to maintain a sense of security and control by dictating the course of relationships, decision-making processes, and the overall environment.

The controlling manager in IFS therapy may exhibit behaviours such as excessive planning, rigidity, or being overly demanding, as they believe that asserting power in this manner will prevent potential loss or rejection. However, this controlling nature can lead to strained relationships and increased stress, as the manager’s tactics often clash with others’ needs and desires for autonomy and flexibility. 

Managers:

People-pleasing manager

Clingy manager

Worry manager

Overanalysing manager

Controlling manager

Firefighters in IFS for Anxiety

When an anxious exile is triggered, a firefighter might step in to ease the discomfort using quick-fix methods like indulging in food, substances, shopping, or other numbing activities. Firefighters operate with the sole mission of extinguishing present-moment emotional pain.

Another example of a firefighter behaviour related to this fear of abandonment and separation from another may be engaging in compulsive shopping or overspending. 

When faced with the emotional turmoil associated with the fear of abandonment, an individual may turn to shopping as a means of finding temporary relief.

The act of acquiring new possessions can provide a sense of control and self-soothing, as well as a temporary high from the excitement of obtaining something new. However, this behaviour can lead to financial problems and feelings of shame or guilt, ultimately exacerbating anxiety. 

Another example may be binge eating and using food as a source of comfort and distraction from anxiety related to attachment issues.

Or, impulsive sexual behaviours and seeking validation or a sense of connection through casual or high-risk sexual encounters.

And excessive screen time or social media use: Using digital distractions to avoid confronting feelings of loneliness or abandonment.

Anger, as a firefighter response related to anxious attachment, often manifests as a way to protect oneself from feelings of vulnerability, fear, or abandonment.

When an individual feels threatened or emotionally exposed in a relationship, they might resort to anger as a defense mechanism. By directing their focus outward and placing blame on others, they can avoid confronting their own insecurities or emotional pain.

Anger can also serve as a way to regain a sense of control in situations where an individual feels powerless or out of control. Lashing out or engaging in aggressive behaviors can create a temporary sense of empowerment, masking the underlying distress associated with anxious attachment.

However, relying on anger as a coping mechanism can strain relationships and perpetuate a cycle of conflict. It prevents individuals from acknowledging and addressing their true emotions, leading to increased feelings of isolation and misunderstanding.

Firefighters:

Shopping

Abuse

Sexual impulsivity

Excessive screen time

Anger

Firefighters

While these coping mechanisms may offer temporary relief, they often do not address the underlying emotional wound and can lead to difficulties in forming healthy, trusting relationships later in life.

How would IFS therapy for Anxiety Heal Anxiety?

IFS therapy offers a transformative approach to healing anxiety by addressing its root causes and fostering a sense of harmony within your internal system. Here’s how IFS therapy can help you overcome anxiety and cultivate emotional well-being:

Understanding and validating anxious parts: IFS therapy encourages you to recognize and engage with the anxious parts of your internal system. By validating their concerns and understanding their protective roles, you can reduce the intensity of their emotional reactions and cultivate self-compassion.

Accessing and strengthening self-energy: As you develop the capacity to access self-energy, a core tenet of IFS, you can experience a greater sense of inner peace and groundedness. This newfound calm can help counteract the effects of anxiety and create a more balanced emotional state.

Exploring and healing underlying trauma: By examining the experiences or traumas that have contributed to your anxiety, you can foster deeper emotional healing. IFS therapy facilitates this process by providing a safe and supportive environment for self-discovery and growth.

Facilitating integration and transformation: Through compassionate dialogue and understanding, anxious parts can be integrated into your internal system, allowing them to adopt new, more adaptive roles. This transformation promotes emotional resilience and reduces anxiety’s influence on your life.

IFS therapy for anxiety empowers you to navigate your emotional landscape with self-awareness, empathy, and confidence. By addressing the root causes of your anxiety and fostering a more harmonious internal system, you can achieve lasting emotional freedom and well-being.

How to begin IFS for anxiety

Start connecting to parts

To begin IFS for anxiety, you can start by connecting to your parts. When you feel overwhelmed with anxiety or emotionally triggered, practice mindfully separating yourself from the anxiety. 

To do this, starts by observing and noticing the anxiety and relating to it in a different way. You can begin observing where you notice the anxiety in your body. Perhaps you feel your heart racing and your anxious part is in your heart area. What sensations do you notice there? Get curious. 

Build a relationship with parts

Then you can begin building a relationship with your parts through the lens of your adult self. 

IFS for anxiety is all about unblending from parts and mindfully separating from your parts, so you feel less overwhelmed by them. So instead of saying “I’m feeling anxious” you can start saying “a part of me is anxious”. 

Another way to unblend from a part is noticing how you feel toward your anxious part or asking it to step aside. Once you have unblended from a part, then you have the self energy to get to know parts. You might begin saying anxiety, are you ok? I’m curious to get to know you better. What is making you feel anxious? What’s on your mind? Then you can listen and validate the feelings of your anxious part by saying “it makes sense why you feel anxious, it’s ok”. 

Often validating the feelings of your anxious part is a great way for building trust, because your part feels seen and heard. 

Work with a professional

IFS, we may encounter instances where certain parts remain overwhelmed, making it challenging to create space and differentiate ourselves from their intense emotions. Additionally, accessing a sense of calm or centeredness may prove difficult, especially if we have experienced trauma. This struggle can leave us feeling uncertain about the source of our emotional reactions and unsure of how to proceed.

When faced with these obstacles, seeking support from a therapist can be highly beneficial. A trained professional can guide us in working with parts burdened by trauma, assisting us in uncovering the root causes of our emotional distress and fostering a deeper understanding of our internal system.

Through therapy, we can learn to cultivate self-energy and strengthen our capacity to unblend from overwhelmed parts, ultimately creating a more harmonious balance within our emotional landscape. By addressing the unique challenges that arise in our IFS journey, we can move forward with greater resilience and self-awareness, fostering lasting emotional healing and well-being.

Next steps

If you’d like to begin reducing and healing anxiety, you can view my availability on my home page and book an intro session with me.

The 8Cs of Self in IFS Therapy: The Doorway To Wholeness

Have you ever felt like you’ve lost touch with who you truly are? 

Maybe life’s hardships or past trauma have left you feeling disconnected from your authentic self. You’re not alone. 

Many of us experience this sense of disconnection at some point in our lives, and it can leave us feeling lost, unsure of ourselves, and filled with self-doubt. 

But what if there was a way to rediscover and reconnect with that core part of ourselves that remains strong, wise, and compassionate, even in the face of adversity?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy believes that we all possess a powerful “Self” within us—our seat of consciousness that is inherently unbreakable, even when faced with life’s challenges. 

However, difficult experiences and trauma can lead us to rely on protective parts of ourselves that shield us from pain. Over time, these parts may dominate our lives, causing us to lose confidence and feel as though something is fundamentally wrong with us.

Fortunately, IFS posits that healing is possible through the transformative power of love and compassion. 

By embracing and nurturing the 8 C’s of Self—Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Connectedness, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, and Compassion—we can rediscover our inner strength and begin to heal the parts of ourselves that have been hurt.

What are the 8C’s of self?

The 8 C’s of Self in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy are essential qualities that reside within each of us, serving as the foundation for healing and personal growth. These eight characteristics include:

Curiosity: An open and inquisitive mindset that allows us to explore our inner parts and develop a deeper understanding of their experiences and needs.

Calm: A sense of tranquility and peace that fosters trust and safety within our internal system, enabling us to navigate emotional challenges with clarity.

Clarity: A clear and focused state of mind that empowers us to make informed decisions and cultivate healthier relationships with our inner parts and others.

Connectedness: A feeling of unity and belonging within our internal system, promoting integration and a sense of wholeness.

Confidence: A belief in our inner wisdom and resilience, providing the strength to face life’s challenges with self-assurance and empowerment.

Courage: The bravery and determination to confront difficult emotions and experiences, fostering personal growth and emotional healing.

Creativity: An adaptable and resourceful approach to problem-solving within our internal system, encouraging new perspectives and solutions.

Compassion: A nurturing and empathetic environment for our inner parts, promoting self-love and emotional well-being.

By cultivating these qualities within ourselves, we can strengthen our connection with our true Self and embrace the transformative power of love and compassion on our healing journey.

Going beyond the 8Cs of Self

While the 8 C’s of Self in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy provide a robust foundation for cultivating self-energy, it is essential to recognise that healing is a complex and multifaceted process. 

One of the shortfalls of IFS therapy is that it argues that all we need to heal ourselves is self. 

I would argue from my own personal and professional experience that we still need support and guidance with establishing a strong sense of self and this is something I do with my clients.

In my personal journey with IFS therapy, I discovered that integrating additional therapeutic approaches and practices was crucial to building a strong sense of self and building my self-confidence.

One key element in my healing process was seeking spiritual and emotional guidance from my therapist. When it came to connecting with my parts they had a lot of questions and unmet needs that needed to be addressed. 

I needed help with addressing isolation, finding community, setting boundaries, asserting myself with others, creating inner security, finding my purpose, finding my core values and connecting to external figures of support until I felt supported enough to access my adult self.

One thing my therapist said that I will never forget was “you can’t choose your external family but you can create an inner family”. 

This holistic and spiritual approach helped me to build an inner family of support, guidance and resources to feel more emotionally resourced to cope with life’s challenges.

Her guidance helped me learn many skills and coping mechanisms that my parts needed, such as self-soothing, grounding, developing my intuition, developing a toxicity radar, setting standards for relationships and connecting to my future self.

By incorporating spirituality into our sessions, I was able to develop this inner strength, which helped my parts feel more supported.

We also did energy healing, somatic therapy techniques and shamanism rituals which helped me to process grief, manage my anxiety and release hurt and anxious energy from the body.

By combining the 8 C’s of Self with these additional practices, I discovered a more comprehensive and personalised path toward healing. 

This experience has shown me the importance of remaining open to various therapeutic modalities and tailoring one’s approach to meet unique individual needs. In doing so, we can create a well-rounded foundation for personal growth and emotional well-being.

I can help you heal with internal family systems therapy 

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a compassionate, nurturing approach that acknowledges and validates the various parts of your internal system. 

By working together, we will explore these parts, recognising their unique roles, emotions, and motivations.

This empathetic exploration allows you to validate the experiences of your inner parts, particularly those that have been hurt or feel misunderstood. By fostering a supportive environment, these parts can feel safe enough to share their stories and express their needs.

As you develop a deeper understanding of your internal system, you can begin to address the conflicts and pain that may have arisen from childhood trauma or other difficult experiences. This healing journey encourages self-compassion and nurtures the connections between your various parts, promoting inner harmony and emotional well-being.

Through IFS therapy and other modalities we can listen to your inner parts, acknowledge their experiences and address their unmet needs and inner resources. 

My approach is gentle and compassionate. If this resonates, go to my home page to view my current availability for booking a session. I offer virtual therapy for those in the UK, US & Europe.

Internal Family Systems Therapy

Internal family systems therapy is a therapeutic approach that has been helpful to clients who have struggled with depression, anxiety, trauma and relationship issues. 

Internal family systems therapy, or IFS, is a type of therapy based on the premise that our minds are made up of sub-personalities or “parts”. 

Traumatic or life altering events and past relationships create a protective system of parts that step in and take over to prevent us from re-experiencing pain.

When we’ve experienced harmful events, such as abandonment, neglect, divorce or abuse, and we lack a strong support system to help us process those emotions, we develop unhealthy coping skills to cope. In internal family systems therapy, these coping skills are seen as protective “parts” that step in and take over as needed. This might look like anxiety, to warn us that we’re abandoning ourselves in some way or becoming emotionally detached to avoid facing overwhelming emotions. 

Over time, these protective parts become more layered and complicated and they behave in unhelpful and dysfunctional ways. When one protector after another is activated, they start to conflict with each other and it causes stagnation and dysregulation in the system.

Most people can think of a time when they were aware of different parts of themselves. For example, we might think ‘Part of me saw the red flags but another part of me felt abandoned or ‘On the one hand I know I need to take it slow but on the other hand, I feel anxious and struggle with the uncertainty in the early stages of a relationship’.

These parts aren’t bad…they all have positive intentions to protect us either if their actions or effects seem to be counterproductive. 

Because their intentions are good, the goal is to acknowledge and validate our parts with warmth and compassion. When they are validated and appreciated for the protective role that they play, they feel heard and they relax.

Instead of trying to fight with, judge or eliminate our parts, we realize that all parts are important aspects of ourselves and have helped us become who we are.

Parts and their roles 

There are three distinct parts in the IFS therapy model: “managers”, “exiles” and “firefighters”. 

Managers are protector parts. They are protector parts that manage the outside world. They proactively protect other parts from suffering and they work hard to manage or prevent painful or traumatic feelings from surfacing.

The inner critic as a manager

Oftentimes parts take on different personas that a person has been exposed to throughout their lives. For example, if a child is criticized a lot by their mother growing up and they feel like they can never do anything right, they will develop an inner critic. This voice will be a similar critical messaging to the mother’s criticism to preempt their mother’s criticism.

Exiles are “parts” that have been exiled into the psyche. They are usually parts that were formed in childhood and are characterized by feelings of shame, fear and unworthiness and are rooted in trauma and attachment injuries. 

Firefighters are also protector parts, but they take on more of a reactive role. They are signaled when exiles are triggered and demand attention. Like a firefighter, they will put out fires by numbing out pain through alcohol, drugs and addictions or engaging in intense emotions like rage. 

Children who don’t learn effective strategies when they’re younger will develop firefighter parts in an attempt to protect exiles. These often manifest into maladaptive behaviors such as binging, over-working, over-exercising or inappropriate sexual encounters. 

The good news is that these internal parts are not set in stone so they can change and transform with healing. The goal of IFS therapy is to become aware of our own parts, befriend them and unburden them from hurt and pain, so we can achieve balance and find inner harmony. 

The Self is the innate presence within each person that is the pure essence of who they are. When people experience hurtful and harmful events in their lives or relationship issues, they lose their sense of self and they struggle to trust themselves and others. 

The self is inherently good and whole and it cannot be broken or damaged. Sometimes, parts become blended and dominate the system, obscuring the Self. Through the course of internal family systems therapy, clients learn to differentiate the self from the blended parts and they feel more comfortable in their own skin.

During treatment, a person will know that the “self” has been accessed because challenges will be approached using the 8 C’s; Compassion, Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Connectedness, Confidence and Creativity.

Techniques in internal family systems therapy – the 6 F’s 

In internal family systems therapy, therapists will use a six-step process to help you to get to know parts and their fears.

Find

Turn your attention inward, possibly by starting with a body scan meditation and pay attention to the sensations in your body that come up. Perhaps you feel a lump in your throat? Or you feel a zig zaggy sensation in your stomach? Notice any sensations and see what parts are present. 

Focus

Identify the part you want to focus on and focus your attention there. 

Flesh Out

Flesh out the part you’re focusing on by describing your experience of it. What does this part want you to know? What image represents this part? Does it represent you at a particular age?

Feel Toward

How do you feel about this part? Are you open and curious to get to know it? Or are you resistant? Perhaps you feel frustrated toward it? This helps you discover additional parts that are associated with the target part (a resistant part and a frustrated part). 

Befriend 

Express curiosity towards this part and validate its role in protecting you.

Fear

Ask what this part fears would happen if it changed its role. For example, the resistant part may worry it won’t work and that life will fall apart. When you can understand what a part fears it helps you to slowly reduce shame and self-criticism as you understand your parts.

What to expect

The first session is an opportunity for you to get a feel for me as a person and how we could work together. We’ll start with clarifying the issues that made you seek therapy and may cover some personal history on a level that is comfortable for you, in order for you to better understand what you need help with and what you hope to get out of therapy. If we have time, we can start with the IFS therapy work itself.

During subsequent sessions, we will identify parts that are needing your attention and will start to get to know these parts. Each session we will use techniques like:

• Talk therapy
• Awareness of body sensations
• Imagery
• Seeing an image or using visualizations
• Dialoguing with parts

It is normal to experience anxiety, resistance, discomfort or shame and together we will help you manage these feelings and befriend them.

What internal family systems therapy can help with

Internal family systems therapy is a psychotherapy for a range of emotional issues, such as depression, anxiety, relationship problems, childhood emotional neglect and abuse. 

It was developed originally to treat severe mental health issues of trauma and abuse and it is effective at addressing other mental health issues such as mood disorders, addictions, compulsive behaviors and phobias.

Benefits of internal family systems 

In a study of female college students with moderate to severe depression, researchers found that IFS therapy to have the following benefits for participants:

• Viewing depression symptoms as normal reactions to stressors or trauma 
• Cultivating psychological resilience and the ability to bounce back from difficult life events
• Reframing their story from the lens of compassion and understanding 
• Giving them power through self-leadership in achieving an internal balance
• Strong self-awareness and a better understanding of themselves

Effectiveness of internal family systems

Internal family systems is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy that has been shown to improve general functioning and well-being in regards to clients with chronic pain symptoms.

It also found that IFS has promising outcomes for clients experiencing depression, phobia, generalized anxiety symptoms, issues with self-concept and physical health conditions.

Bessel van der Kolk, a psychiatrist and leading researcher on trauma, has strongly backed the use of IFS in his book, The Body Keeps the Score. In this book he details his own experience using IFS with clients suffering from harmful experiences and relationship conflicts.

How is internal family systems different to other therapy options?

Internal family systems is a very distinct model of psychotherapy but it has some aspects in common with Family Systems Therapy, Gestalt Therapy and hypnotherapy.

IFS vs Person-centered therapy 

Person-centered therapy is a widely used psychotherapy model that emphasizes the client’s natural ability to self-actualise or grow and change in ways that will help them carve their path. IFS and person-centered therapy are similar in that they both emphasize that the client is the expert of their own life and innate ability to heal. 

IFS vs CBT

Cognitive behavioural therapy is a therapeutic approach that focuses on changing a client’s thoughts and beliefs in order to change their behaviour. IFS on the other hand isn’t about changing the client’s thoughts. Instead it’s about understanding and addressing the root of where the thoughts have come from. The idea of IFS is that these thoughts are a result of painful and traumatic events that have created these thoughts to protect someone from re experiencing pain. Through ifs therapy, clients can heal their wounded parts and release trauma, hurt and pain out of the body.

IFS vs Gestalt therapy 

Gestalt therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on a person’s present life rather than delving into their past experiences. It operates from a place of understanding that as clients become increasingly aware, they will overcome existing roadblocks. It is similar to IFS in that it works creatively with parts and is body centered. For example, in sessions the therapist may ask the client where they feel the part in their body (e.g., a pit in their stomach). IFS differs to gestalt therapy in that there is a technique where clients revisit memories of the past to unburden wounded parts.

IFS vs Family Systems therapy

Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS was a trained family systems therapist and he was interested in how family members interact with each other and affect one another. IFS and family systems therapy sound very similar, yet whilst family systems looks at the external systems of a client, IFS focuses on the internal systems. Through IFS therapy, you’ll develop tools that will allow you to effectively lead all of your inner parts (thoughts, feelings, beliefs) which are responsible for behaviour.

Can IFS help my relationships?

Many times in our life, we can get stuck in old patterns. This might look like pursuing emotionally unavailable partners, abandoning ourselves or being codependent in relationships. 

Through an IFS lens, our parts unconsciously choose these partners from a place of fear, “not-enoughness” and shame. Internal family systems can help you to unburden these wounds, so you can cultivate self-leadership and choose relationships from self. 

Relationships also trigger parts of ourselves that carry unresolved emotions and working with an IFS therapist can help us to regulate our emotions better, communicate better and experience more harmonious relationships.

Can internal family systems help with insecure attachment?

Internal family systems is internal attachment work. As we relate to our parts from self, our parts feel seen, heard and understood, and overtime a secure attachment is formed. When this internal attachment becomes more secure, this is reflected outwardly when we attach to others. We become better at regulating our emotions, we become less defensive, we set healthier boundaries and our communication with others improves. 

Through the course of treatment, many clients feel more calm and grounded and less anxious in relationships. 

What if I’m not comfortable talking about myself or what I’m feeling inside?

The IFS approach is client centered and we ask permission form parts before talking about how we feel inside. If needed, we spend time getting to know and befriending protectors that might keep you from talking about something that can be overwhelming, embarrassing or shameful. 

These protective parts might cause you to judge, numb, resist or shut down, but all resistance in IFS is welcomed. Although it may seem counterproductive to pay attention to parts of you that worry therapy isn’t going to work, these protectors serve a role in your life and shape who you are and if they’re not acknowledged, they will retaliate and sabotage the process.

What would we talk about if I feel uncomfortable or awkward with the idea of therapy or talking to a stranger about my problems?

It is a natural part of therapy to feel uncomfortable or resistant about the process. We can be stuck in patterns and habits for so long, that we can feel trapped and hopeless that things will never change. 

When we stop trying to push away or get rid of feelings, an interesting thing happens. Rather than seeing them as obstacles to the real goal of therapy, we treat them as a valuable part of therapy.

These protective parts are working tirelessly around the clock to prevent us from feeling emotionally overwhelmed with our grief. When we can get permission from our protector parts, we become connected to self and experience a natural presence, calmness and curiosity. 

This allows you to talk about what you’re feeling inside without feeling emotionally flooded or anxious. You’re able to discuss things from a place of more ease and you’re able to release any stored emotions in the body.

Advantages of internal family systems therapy 

• Internal family systems therapy is a beautiful model that helps people to process their inner world with an energy of curiosity and compassion. This approach helps people to break old, unhealthy patterns.

• It is a creative and dynamic form of psychotherapy that can be adjusted

• Internal family systems therapy is an evidence-based approach that has been shown to ease symptoms of emotional stress long term.

• Internal family systems therapy helps people to process difficult emotions and release trauma out of the body.

• Internal family systems therapy is a model that helps clients build self-reliance and not only become dependent on their therapist but become their own inner healer. Once they’ve integrated the ifs model, they can continue to do the work on their own. 

How long does internal family systems therapy take?

When starting psychotherapy, there is a period becoming acclimated and developing trust toward a therapist. Another element to consider is that working with the internal family systems model will be very different to any other kind of therapy you’ve had. Many people will resonate with IFS right away and will experience noticeable changes in their emotional symptoms. But it usually takes 3-4 sessions to start to understand the flow of IFS therapy, so I recommend that you work with me for 1-2 months before you try to assess whether it is working for you. The period of your treatment can be anywhere from 4-9 months or more.

If you’re looking to ease or resolve emotional stress, this may be a good therapy approach for you.

Clients find that their symptoms of anxiety, panic and depression ease, and they feel more calm and grounded, and comfortable in their own skin. 

If this resonates, go to my home page to view my current availability for booking a session. I offer virtual therapy for those in the UK, US & Europe.

IFS Therapy for Stress: The Influence of Childhood Trauma on Stress Management

Stress is an unavoidable part of the human experience. It can manifest in various forms, such as workplace pressures, relationship challenges, or financial difficulties, personal admin, traveling and moving house. 

Our early childhood experiences, particularly our interactions with primary caregivers, play a pivotal role in shaping our ability to manage stress and navigate life’s challenges. 

A stable and secure childhood environment plays a critical role in shaping our ability to manage stress and navigate life’s challenges effectively. The foundation of love, support, and stability fosters the development of a well-regulated nervous system and a resilient internal system. However, an unstable and traumatic childhood can create a dysregulated nervous system that becomes overwhelmed by stress.

In this article, we’ll explore the impact of an unstable and traumatic childhood on stress management and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can help individuals who have experienced less stable environments heal and thrive.

The Benefits of a Secure and Stable Childhood

Growing up in a secure and stable environment often leads to the development of healthy self-esteem, confidence, and resilience. These qualities enable individuals to face life stressors and responsibilities with greater ease and adaptability. 

A stable childhood fosters a balanced internal system, with parts working together harmoniously to navigate daily challenges without becoming overwhelmed or resorting to extreme protective measures.

Manager parts within their internal system can handle daily tasks like booking a flight, planning a travel trip, or paying a bill without becoming emotionally overwhelmed or immobilized. Hence why these individuals can maintain a sense of balance and well-being even during stressful situations as they have those personal foundations of family, support, stability and community in place.

Complex Trauma and Stress Management

For those who have experienced a very unstable childhood and have complex trauma where they experienced ongoing trauma of neglect, abuse, confusion of where home is and not having a place to go for refuge, will be carrying a lot of emotional trauma in their nervous system. 

This often leads to an adult who becomes emotionally overwhelmed, immobilised when it comes to simple tasks and responsibilities. 

For example, if they have important duties such as booking a flight or an appointment, they might consciously know they need to plan ahead, book an appointment and book their flight. 

But if they have a history of instability, neglect, abandonment and abuse, then these simple tasks can trigger their complex trauma and internal system that carries the wounds of abandonment, abuse, neglect, helplessness, powerlessness and feeling immobilised.

This is why stress for trauma survivors of complex trauma can be particularly challenging. The stress or pressure from the external world is triggering the internal system and the younger parts in the system that felt abandoned, helpless, powerless and immobilised.

Stress and complex trauma understood through the lens of IFS

These extreme emotions will be repressed and stored in the subconscious mind. In internal family systems therapy, these are called “exiles”. 

In an attempt to manage the emotional pain being triggered, the internal system or subconscious mind will develop coping mechanisms and behaviours in order to prevent the system from feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

Manager parts

Someone who has felt immobilised by their lack of secure and stable childhood, neglect and abuse, may develop “avoidant parts” that step in to distract from the the emotional pain. A common example of this may be a “procrastinator part” that procrastinates and leaves things to the last minute, a “self-neglecting part” that holds off washing their clothes or maintaining healthy hygiene whilst moving because the stress of moving is triggering a trauma of the past.

The internal family systems model would consider this procrastinator part and self-neglecting part “managers” because they’re protectively working to reduce emotional pain and distress triggered by stress. 

These protector parts engage in behaviors such as procrastination or neglecting personal needs to shield the individual from potential emotional overwhelm or re-experiencing past trauma. Their ultimate goal is to help the individual cope with stress and maintain a sense of safety, even if their methods may not be the most adaptive or effective in the long run.

Firefighter parts

Another example may be that someone is anxious about departing from their current location to go to another and this stress of moving can bring up anxiety of the past.

So they may have a substance-abuse part that may engage in substances in an attempt to numb the anxiety. They may also have an overspending part to distract them from their anxiety of “uprooting” and engage in shopping to get an emotional high. 

If they start to feel anxious and overwhelmed when travelling, their “dissociated part” may become active to disconnect from their emotions and feelings. They may become more spaced out and disconnected from their body and struggle to read and understand maps, read train times and meet appointments, because their subconscious mind is flooded and overwhelmed by the anxiety of the past.

The internal family systems model would consider this substance-abuse part, self-neglecting part and dissociating part “firefighters” because they’re protectively working to reduce emotional pain and distress triggered by stress. 

IFS Therapy for Stress

IFS therapy for stress offers a powerful approach for dealing with stress better and healing the distress caused by complex trauma so a person has a more stable and balanced system to manage stress, change and uncertainty.

By identifying and understanding the roles of different parts within their internal system, individuals can develop self-compassion, promote internal dialogue, and empower their core Self.

As the Self becomes more present and confident, parts that engage in avoidant or self-neglecting behaviors can feel more understood and less threatened. With the support of an IFS therapist, individuals can learn to navigate stress and complex trauma with greater resilience, fostering a more balanced internal system and a healthier relationship with their past experiences.

So if we were to break down how IFS therapy for stress would help a person to heal their inner system, these would be the main steps:

1. Connect with parts

Begin by identifying and connecting with the various parts within yourself, acknowledging their presence and sensations and let them know you’re curious to get to know them better.

For example, you would identify and connect with the parts that engage in avoidant behaviors, as well as the part that dissociates. 

You can practice developing empathy and understanding for these parts, acknowledging their protective roles in shielding the system from emotional pain.

2. Befriend Parts

Develop empathy and understanding for each part, recognizing their protective roles and offering validation and support. This helps to establish a trusting relationship between the parts and the core Self. This step is important to mindfully separate from protective parts, so that there is internal space in the system to mindfully support the exile parts that carry emotional trauma.

3. Unburden Parts

Assist the parts in releasing their emotional burdens, negative beliefs, and painful memories. This can be achieved through compassionate witnessing, processing emotions, and reframing past experiences in a more supportive light.

Once a trusting relationship has been established with the avoidant and dissociative parts, you would begin to work with the exile parts, such as the abandoned and abused child. This involves witnessing their emotional pain, reparenting them and releasing their emotional burdens, negative beliefs, and painful memories through compassionate awareness and mindful emotional processing.

4. Integrate Parts

The final phase is about facilitating cooperation and harmony by cultivating new capacities for the protector parts and exiles. For example, if there is an immobilised child due to experiences of neglect, abandonment and abuse, then it would be about asking the exiles “what new capacities do you want to give your immobilised child?”. These might be stability, support, safety, groundedness and calmness. Once the exiles are carrying supportive capacities, then the same process can be done for the protector parts. Now the protector parts know the exiles are lighter and more resilient, they can release their roles and take on other capacities. For example, the dissociated part may take on the capacities of calmness and presence.

Summary 

The IFS framework offers a powerful approach to understanding and healing the impacts of stress and complex trauma on our internal systems. By identifying, connecting with, and befriending the various parts within ourselves, we can begin to untangle the intricate web of emotional pain, negative beliefs, and protective behaviors that may have developed in response to adverse experiences.

Through the process of unburdening protected parts and promoting integration within our internal systems, we can foster greater emotional resilience and well-being. In doing so, we move toward a more harmonious and supportive relationship with ourselves, equipping us with the tools necessary to navigate life’s challenges and stress with renewed confidence and self-compassion. If this resonates and you’d like to begin befriending your parts, go to my home page to view my current availability to book a session.

Exploring the Internal Family Systems Model: A Comprehensive Guide

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, is a transformative approach to psychotherapy that has gained significant recognition for its effectiveness in fostering emotional healing and personal growth. 

At its core, IFS posits that our psyches comprise multiple “parts” or sub-personalities, each with its unique roles, emotions, and beliefs. These parts exist within a complex internal system, interacting and influencing one another in various ways. Central to this system is the “Self,” an innate source of wisdom, compassion, and curiosity that possesses the power to heal and harmonize the entire system. This comprehensive guide will explore the key concepts, components, and benefits of the Internal Family Systems model, and how it can be applied to promote emotional well-being and personal transformation.

The Internal Family Systems Model: An Overview

IFS therapy is built upon the premise that our inner world is comprised of various parts or sub-personalities, each carrying specific emotions, beliefs, and roles. These parts exist within a larger internal system and are categorized into three primary types: managers, firefighters, and exiles.

1. Managers: These proactive parts strive to maintain control and prevent emotional pain or distress by anticipating potential triggers and implementing protective strategies.
2. Firefighters: Reactive in nature, these parts are activated when exiles are triggered, often resulting in impulsive behaviors or coping mechanisms aimed at alleviating emotional distress.
3. Exiles: These vulnerable parts carry emotional wounds, often stemming from past traumas or painful experiences. They are frequently suppressed or isolated by managers and firefighters as a means of self-protection.

Central to the IFS model is the notion of “Self,” which represents the core, innate essence of an individual. The Self embodies qualities such as compassion, curiosity, and non-judgment, and serves as a healing force within the internal system. By accessing and embracing Self-energy, individuals can engage with their parts from a place of understanding and empathy, facilitating transformation and integration.

The IFS Healing Process

IFS therapy focuses on achieving a harmonious and balanced internal system by helping individuals access their Self-energy and engage with their parts in a compassionate and transformative manner. The therapeutic process can be broken down into the following steps:

1. Building trust and rapport: Therapists work to establish a safe and supportive environment, fostering trust and rapport with clients.
2. Identifying and understanding parts: Clients are guided to become aware of their various parts and explore their unique characteristics, roles, and emotions.
3. Accessing Self-energy: Through mindfulness and guided practices, clients learn to connect with their core Self and embody its qualities.
4. Engaging with parts: With the support of Self-energy, clients engage with their parts from a place of curiosity, compassion, and non-judgment.
5. Healing and unburdening: As clients develop a deeper understanding of their parts and validate their experiences, emotional burdens are released, and wounded parts begin to heal.
6. Integration and harmony: Transformed parts become integrated into the internal system, fostering a greater sense of wholeness and well-being.

Benefits of the Internal Family Systems Model

Applying the Internal Family Systems model to one’s personal growth journey can yield several significant benefits, including:

1. Enhanced self-awareness and self-understanding: By exploring the various parts within their internal system, individuals gain a deeper understanding of their emotions, beliefs, and behaviors.
2. Improved emotional regulation and resilience: As individuals learn to access their Self-energy and engage with their parts from a place of compassion, they develop greater emotional resilience and the ability to navigate challenging situations effectively.
3. Effective resolution of past traumas and emotional burdens: IFS provides a powerful framework for addressing past traumas and emotional wounds, facilitating healing and integration within the internal system.
4. Increased capacity for compassion and empathy: Embracing the qualities of the Self fosters greater empathy and compassion, both for oneself and others.
5. Strengthened relationships with oneself and others: By cultivating a more harmonious internal system, individuals can experience improved relationships with themselves and others, as well as enhanced overall well-being.

Visualizing the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model can help in understanding the roles and interactions of various parts. Below is a simplified diagram to help you visualize the components and their relationships.

In this diagram, the Self is positioned at the top, as it is the central, healing force within the internal system. The Self accesses and engages with two primary types of parts: managers and firefighters. These parts play protective roles, either by anticipating and preventing emotional pain (managers) or by reacting to emotional distress triggered by exiles (firefighters). Both managers and firefighters can interact with exiles, the vulnerable parts that carry emotional wounds.

The interactions between these parts are multifaceted and can include:

• Self accessing and engaging with parts
• Managers protecting exiles from potential triggers or emotional pain
• Firefighters reacting to the activation of exiles
• Interactions among exiles themselves

This diagram is a simplified representation of the complex dynamics within the internal system, and the relationships between parts can vary from person to person. By visualizing these components and their interactions, you can gain a deeper understanding of the Internal Family Systems model and its application in personal growth and healing.

For this example, let’s consider a common emotional distress trigger: receiving criticism. Here’s how the parts within the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model may interact in response to this trigger:

In this scenario, the trigger of receiving criticism may activate specific parts within the internal system:

Exiles: Vulnerable parts carrying emotional wounds, such as feelings of inadequacy, shame, or fear of rejection, may become triggered by the criticism.

Managers: Proactive parts may attempt to minimize the impact of criticism by activating protective strategies. For instance, they might encourage the individual to rationalize the criticism, become overly self-critical, or avoid similar situations in the future.

Firefighters: Reactive parts may engage in impulsive behaviors or coping mechanisms to alleviate the emotional distress triggered by exiles. This could include lashing out at the person offering criticism, engaging in self-soothing activities, or numbing the emotional pain through distractions.

The Self can facilitate healing by accessing its innate qualities of compassion, curiosity, and non-judgment. By engaging with the activated parts and offering understanding and validation, the Self can help release the emotional burdens and restore balance within the internal system. Over time, this process can improve the individual’s ability to cope with criticism and other emotional triggers.

Ok, now let’s break down how IFS therapy would aim to heal this emotional trigger

1. Establishing trust and rapport:
   • First, the therapist would prioritize creating a safe, supportive, and non-judgmental environment for the client. This often involves active listening, demonstrating empathy, and validating the client’s feelings and experiences to create “therapeutic alliance”.

2. Identifying activated parts:
   • Using various techniques such as guided meditation and somatic awareness, the therapist would assist the client in recognizing and identifying the specific parts that are activated by criticism.
   • The therapist would encourage the client to explore their emotions, physical sensations, and inner dialogue to gain a deeper understanding of these parts.
   • Questions might be asked, such as “What emotions arise when you receive criticism?”, “How does your body react?”, or “What thoughts or beliefs surface in response to criticism?”

3. Getting to know activated parts

• With the support of Self-energy, the client would engage with their activated parts from a place of understanding and empathy.
• This could involve listening to the concerns of these parts, validating their feelings, and acknowledging the roles they play within the internal system.
• The client might ask their parts questions such as “What are you afraid of?”, “What do you need?”, or “How can I help you feel more secure?”

4. Accessing Self-energy:
   • The therapist would guide the client in connecting with their innate Self by asking the client “how do you feel towards your criticised part?”
   • This may bring up other targeted parts to work with and build trust with. 
   • This helps parts of the system to relax and create more internal space so the client can access self-energy.
   • The client would learn to recognize and embody the qualities of the Self, such as curiosity, compassion, and non-judgment, which would enable them to approach their activated parts with a meditative state of mind.

5. Facilitating healing and unburdening:

• As the client develops a deeper understanding of their parts and validates their experiences, emotional burdens can be released, and wounded parts can begin to heal.
• So the therapist may help the client to witness, reparent and unburden the “criticized child”;.
• The therapist would guide the client in offering compassion and support to this part, helping them process and release emotional pain or distressing emotional memories.
• Techniques might include inner dialogues, visualization exercises, or somatic processing to help parts unburden and integrate new, more adaptive perspectives.

5. Integration and fostering resilience:
   • This criticized part will become integrated into the internal system, leading to a greater sense of wholeness and well-being.
   • The client learns to access their Self-energy more readily and engage with their parts in a compassionate manner, fostering increased resilience in the face of criticism or other emotional triggers.
   • The therapist will then help the client cultivate new capacities that replace the emotional legacy of criticism, such as “encouragement”, “self love”, “worthiness” and “joy”.

Conclusion

The Internal Family Systems model offers a transformative approach to understanding and navigating the complexities of the human psyche.

By recognising the diverse aspects of our internal worlds and learning to engage with them through the lens of Self-energy, we can cultivate lasting emotional healing, personal growth, and well-being.

If this resonates and you’d like to begin getting to know your parts, go to my home page to view my current availability for working with me.

IFS Therapy for Trauma

Trauma can have long-lasting effects on our mental health and well-being, leaving us feeling emotionally overwhelmed, isolated, disconnected and stuck in unhealthy patterns.

Thankfully, IFS therapy for trauma can offer people a powerful and transformative approach to healing and recovery. By tapping into our inner resources and embracing our inner selves, IFS can help us overcome trauma and regain a sense of emotional balance and wholeness.

What is trauma?

Trauma is an emotional and psychological response to an overwhelming or deeply distressing event, such as abuse, neglect, natural disasters, accidents, or violence. It can lead to a wide range of symptoms and behaviors, including flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, depression, emotional numbness, and difficulty trusting others. Trauma can also disrupt our sense of safety and security, leading to hypervigilance, anxiety avoidance, and feelings of shame.

It can result from various experiences, such as accidents, natural disasters, violence, abuse, neglect, or any other event that poses a threat to a person’s physical, emotional, or psychological well-being. Trauma can have long-lasting impacts on mental and physical health, affecting thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in significant ways.

There are different types of trauma, including:

• Acute trauma: Resulting from a single incident, such as a car accident or a natural disaster.
• Chronic trauma: Resulting from prolonged exposure to stressful events, such as ongoing abuse, neglect, or violence.
• Complex trauma: Resulting from multiple, often interconnected traumatic experiences, which can lead to complex emotional and psychological issues.

Unlike single-incident trauma, complex trauma is characterized by multiple and cumulative traumatic experiences that can significantly affect an individual’s development, sense of self, and ability to form healthy relationships.

Common sources of complex trauma include:

• Chronic abuse or neglect during childhood
• Ongoing domestic violence or intimate partner violence

The impacts of complex trauma can be pervasive and multifaceted, often leading to difficulties in various areas of life. Some common symptoms and effects of complex trauma include:

• Emotional dysregulation, such as intense or unpredictable emotions
• Disrupted self-perception (shame and guilt)
• Difficulties with self-esteem, self-worth, and identity
• Challenges with trust and relationships
• Interpersonal struggles, including aggression, avoidance, or codependency
• Somatic symptoms, such as chronic pain, headaches, or digestive issues
• Disorganized attachment patterns and difficulties with intimacy
• Cognitive impairments, including memory issues or problems with attention
• Dissociation

Seeking out IFS therapy for trauma can be an effective way to address these challenges. IFS offers a unique approach that recognizes the impact of trauma on the various parts of our inner selves, helping us to understand and heal these wounded parts. 

Through the process of self-compassion, unburdening, and strengthening Self-leadership, IFS can help individuals regain a sense of safety, stability, and emotional well-being.

What is Internal Family Systems?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a pioneering form of psychotherapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. It is premised on the idea that each person has a core Self that acts as a compassionate leader and healer for the various parts or sub-personalities within us. 

The goal of IFS therapy is to help individuals access their inherent Self-leadership by identifying, understanding, and healing the wounded parts that carry emotional burdens. 

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a powerful approach to healing the nervous system and integrating the fragmented parts of our minds, ultimately promoting long-lasting recovery and growth.

The Need for Trauma-Informed Therapy:

Trauma-informed therapy acknowledges the unique challenges faced by individuals with a history of trauma. These approaches recognize the need for specialized treatment that addresses the complex psychological, emotional, and physiological effects of traumatic experiences. IFS therapy for trauma goes deeper than traditional talk therapy as the focus is on “repair” and repairing challenging memories of the past.

An important aspect of trauma-informed therapy is offering a non-shaming and non-pathological approach. In non trauma-informed therapy clients may have experienced therapists that have shamed them for their complex traumas, they may judge the clients for staying in an abusive relationship dynamic or may say insensitive things to children growing up in neglect and overlooking the complex dynamics and complex trauma they’ve experienced. 

Fortunately, clients dealing with challenges such as dissociation, post traumatic stress, depression, emotional dysregulation or a mix of these conditions, along with those facing significant internal conflict, can greatly benefit from the Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach. 

This therapeutic modality is relationship-focused, fosters self-acceptance, and avoids labeling or shaming, thus creating an ideal environment for clients to navigate their experiences and cultivate personal growth.

Healing the Nervous System:

Trauma can significantly impact the nervous system, leading to symptoms such as anxiety, hypervigilance, and emotional dysregulation. Trauma-informed therapy, like IFS therapy for trauma, helps clients develop the skills and tools needed to regulate their emotions and promote a greater sense of safety and stability. 

Through the cultivation of self-compassion and trust, people can begin to restore balance within their nervous system, fostering resilience and well-being.

Integrating Fragmented Parts of the Mind:

Traumatic experiences can cause internal conflict and fragmentation, as different parts of the mind attempt to cope with overwhelming stress. 

IFS therapy for trauma addresses this fragmentation by encouraging clients to connect with their core Self, which acts as a compassionate leader and healer for the various parts of their inner system. 

By acknowledging and integrating these parts, individuals can rebuild a sense of wholeness and identity, reducing the long-term impact of trauma on their lives.

How does IFS therapy for trauma work?

IFS therapy for trauma works by helping individuals identify and understand the various parts or sub-personalities within themselves that have been impacted by traumatic experiences. 

This approach acknowledges that trauma can create internal conflict and fragmentation, leading to emotional and psychological distress.

IFS therapy for trauma focuses on guiding clients to mindfully differentiate themselves from their trauma-related thoughts, sensations, and emotions. This process enables individuals to cultivate compassionate self-observation of their traumatic experiences, allowing them to process their emotions without becoming overwhelmed or re-experiencing the traumatic event. By developing a more mindful and compassionate perspective, clients can strengthen their resilience and create a safe space for healing and integration.

In IFS therapy for trauma, the therapist helps the client develop a relationship with their core Self, which serves as a compassionate leader and healer for the wounded parts. 

Through dialogue and visualization techniques, clients learn to connect with these parts, listen to their stories, and validate their experiences.

As trust and self-compassion grow, clients can then begin the process of unburdening their wounded parts, releasing the emotional pain and burdens associated with trauma. This allows for greater integration and healing, as clients develop stronger Self-leadership and resilience in the face of future challenges.

The IFS Therapy for Trauma Process

An Example of IFS Therapy for Trauma for Abuse

Step 1: Identifying and Connecting with Parts

In IFS therapy for trauma, the initial step is to identify the various parts or sub-personalities affected by emotional abuse from a parent. These parts might include a shamed inner child, an unworthy inner child, a defensive protector, a self-critical manager, an intellectual manager, a dissociated firefighter, and an emotional eating firefighter. The therapist helps the client establish a connection with these parts, promoting an understanding of their roles and needs.

Step 2: Developing Self-Compassion and Trust

The therapist guides the client in connecting with their core Self, which embodies empathy, curiosity, and acceptance. By strengthening the Self-to-part relationships, clients learn to approach their wounded parts with compassion and understanding, fostering trust and creating a foundation for healing.

Step 3: Unburdening Traumatic Emotions and Memories

With the therapist’s support, the client witnesses the emotions and memories carried by the wounded parts, allowing them to release the burdens associated with emotional abuse. This unburdening process can help alleviate trauma-related symptoms and foster a sense of relief and integration.

Step 4: Integration and Strengthening Self-Leadership

As clients heal their wounded parts and enhance self-compassion, they become more proficient in Self-leadership. This enables them to navigate life’s challenges with increased confidence, resilience, and inner harmony, leading to lasting healing and personal growth.

Consider a client named Sarah, who has identified several parts, including a wounded inner child that carries shame, a self-doubt part (manager), an intellectual part (manager), a dissociated part (firefighter), and an emotional eating part (firefighter).

Through unburdening, Sarah witnesses the emotional pain carried by her wounded parts, releasing the burdens associated with emotional abuse. As she strengthens her Self-leadership and integrates her parts, Sarah discovers a renewed sense of wholeness and resilience, empowering her to engage more fully in life and relationships.

By following these steps and engaging in the healing process, clients like Sarah can experience the transformative potential of IFS therapy for trauma, fostering resilience and well-being in the aftermath of emotional abuse from a parent.

An Example of IFS Therapy for Trauma from Neglect

Step 1: Identifying and Connecting with Parts

In IFS therapy for trauma, the initial step is to identify the various parts or sub-personalities affected by neglect. These parts might include a hurt inner child carrying feelings of abandonment, a people-pleasing manager, an avoidant manager, and a dissociated firefighter. The therapist helps the client establish a connection with these parts, promoting an understanding of their roles and needs.

Step 2: Developing Self-Compassion and Trust

The therapist guides the client in connecting with their core Self, which embodies empathy, curiosity, and acceptance. By strengthening the Self-to-part relationships, clients learn to approach their wounded parts with compassion and understanding, fostering trust and creating a foundation for healing.

Step 3: Unburdening Traumatic Emotions and Memories

With the therapist’s support, the client witnesses the emotions and memories carried by the wounded parts, allowing them to release the burdens associated with neglect. This unburdening process can help alleviate trauma-related symptoms and foster a sense of relief and integration.

Step 4: Integration and Strengthening Self-Leadership

As clients heal their wounded parts and enhance self-compassion, they become more proficient in Self-leadership. This enables them to navigate life’s challenges with increased confidence, resilience, and inner harmony, leading to lasting healing and personal growth.

Example Scenario:

Consider a client named Emma, who experienced childhood neglect. In IFS therapy, Emma identifies a wounded inner child carrying feelings of abandonment, a people-pleasing manager, an avoidant manager, and a dissociated firefighter.

Through unburdening, Emma witnesses the emotional pain carried by her wounded parts, releasing the burdens associated with neglect. As she strengthens her Self-leadership and integrates her parts, Emma finds a new sense of wholeness and resilience, empowering her to engage more fully in life and relationships.

By following these steps and engaging in the healing process, clients like Emma can experience the transformative potential of IFS therapy for trauma, fostering resilience and well-being in the aftermath of neglect.

An Example of IFS Therapy for Healing Trauma from Domestic Abuse in Adulthood

Step 1: Identifying and Connecting with Parts

In IFS therapy for trauma, the initial step is to identify the various parts or sub-personalities impacted by domestic violence in adulthood. These parts might include an abandoned inner child needing security, a fearful inner child scared of the violence, a people-pleasing manager, a hypervigilant manager, a dissociated firefighter, and other parts specific to the individual’s experience. The therapist helps the client establish a connection with these parts, promoting an understanding of their roles and needs.

Step 2: Developing Self-Compassion and Trust

The therapist guides the client in connecting with their core Self, which embodies empathy, curiosity, and acceptance. By strengthening the Self-to-part relationships, clients learn to approach their wounded parts with compassion and understanding, fostering trust and creating a foundation for healing.

Step 3: Unburdening Traumatic Emotions and Memories

With the therapist’s support, the client witnesses the emotions and memories carried by the wounded parts, allowing them to release the burdens associated with domestic violence.

Step 4: Integration and Strengthening Self-Leadership

As clients heal their wounded parts and develop greater self-compassion, they become more adept at Self-leadership. This enables them to navigate life’s challenges with increased confidence, resilience, and inner harmony, leading to lasting healing and personal growth.

Example Scenario:

Let’s consider a client named Anna, who experienced domestic violence in her adult life. In IFS therapy, Anna identifies several parts, including an abandoned inner child needing security, a fearful inner child scared of the violence, a people-pleasing manager, a hypervigilant manager, and a dissociated firefighter.

Through unburdening, Anna witnesses the emotional pain carried by her wounded parts, releasing the burdens associated with domestic violence. As she strengthens her Self-leadership and integrates her parts, Anna discovers a renewed sense of wholeness and resilience, empowering her to engage more fully in life and relationships.

By following these steps and engaging in the healing process, clients like Anna can experience the transformative potential of IFS therapy for trauma, fostering resilience and well-being in the aftermath of domestic abuse.

IFS Internal Family Systems: What is it and how to begin

IFS Internal Family Systems is a revolutionary healing modality and form of psychotherapy that reduces emotional distress by healing parts of the mind that have become hurt and fragmented due to childhood trauma. 

IFS Internal Family Systems: What is it?

IFS Internal Family Systems isn’t like traditional talk therapy where the approach relies on talking about the past and having cognitive insights to create change. Instead, IFS Internal Family Systems is focused on “repair” and healing the nervous system and parts of the subconscious mind that carry hurt and pain from emotional trauma. 

IFS Internal Family Systems is a form of trauma therapy that focuses on healing parts of the self that have taken on extreme roles in order to protect oneself from further pain.

For example, if someone has grown up with a parent who was emotionally dysregulated and explosive, then as a child they may have felt fearful and unsafe. When a child has experienced repetitive experiences of a parent crossing their boundaries, the child starts to carry fear and anxiety in their nervous system and the “anxious inner child” is formed. 

Later in their adult lives they may struggle to set boundaries and advocate for themselves, because their boundaries weren’t respected or modeled to them as a child.

Let’s say the same child that grew up in chaos, grew up with a parent who was narcissistic and emotionally immature and they often belittled the child, the child doesn’t have the tools, brain capacity and knowledge to assess their parents behaviour and discern that their parent is emotionally immature, dysregulated and that they’re not at fault. 

Rather, the child will absorb their parents’ treatment and internalize a belief that there is something wrong with them, leading to low-self esteem. 

If we’re to break this down through the lens of IFS Internal Family Systems, this child carries a wound of anxiety about the parent’s explosive behaviour and fears that their parent will get angry at them. We’ll call this the anxious part. 

The child has also been shunned by their parents a lot and carries this belief that something is wrong with them and they’ve done something wrong. We’ll call this the shame part. 

Due to ongoing mistreatment from their parent, the child doubts themselves and their feelings and struggles to trust their own feelings and judgements about things. We’ll call this the self doubt part. 

This child that grew up in chaos with a parent who constantly berated them, belittled them, criticised them and yelled at them, will become so accustomed to chaos and a parent that is controlling and not respectful of their boundaries, feelings and needs that they can become drawn to partners who are controlling and explosive. They have become so accustomed to high stress situations, they will be unconsciously drawn to partners who are unsafe, controlling and manipulative, because familiarity is safe.

If this person who had experienced this form of complex trauma, where they grew up with abuse and experienced abusive relationships as an adult, may show symptoms of PTSD and become emotionally triggered when someone gaslights them, belittles them or uses emotional manipulation such as triangulation.

This person may look for a trauma therapy such as IFS Internal Family Systems to reduce emotional distress, soften their reactions to emotional triggers and heal from their childhood trauma. 

An IFS therapist would help them to get to know and befriend the parts of their mind that carry pain from their childhood. 

Here’s how the process usually works:

IFS Internal Family Systems: How to do it

Phase One – Befriending Protectors

In IFS Internal Family Systems phase one is focused on building a solid foundation of trust and understanding with your protective parts, which are the aspects of your psyche that work to shield you from emotional pain or trauma. 

The primary goal is to develop a relationship with your protective parts, acknowledging their presence and recognizing the roles they play in your internal system.
During this stage, you work to:

Identify your protective parts: Become aware of the various protective parts within you and understand their intentions, feelings, and beliefs.

Develop trust and rapport: Establish a sense of trust and understanding with your protective parts, letting them know that you recognize their efforts to keep you safe and protected.

Understand their roles: Explore the specific roles each protective part plays in your life and the ways in which they have served you in the past.

Validate their experiences: Acknowledge the emotions and experiences of your protective parts, creating an environment where they feel seen and understood.

Begin to differentiate from your parts: Start to recognize that your protective parts are distinct from your core Self, allowing you to observe and interact with them from a more objective, compassionate perspective.

So with the case of our example, this would involve helping the person befriend their self doubt part, beginning to dialogue with it, build a trusting relationship with it and validate their experience, so they feel seen and understood. 

Often this phase is very healing for people, as the process of simply acknowledging the protector, helps them to feel validated, and they experience an emotional release, where they feel lighter in their body. 

It also empowers people to see that protective parts of the self have acted as allies to protect their exiles or inner child parts from further hurt, and they learn to develop compassion for themselves.

Phase Two – Working with Exiles

In IFS Internal Family Systems, phase two is focused on healing the wounded and vulnerable parts of your psyche, known as “exiles.” 

This phase, called “Working with Exiles,” builds upon the foundation established in Phase One and aims to facilitate deep emotional healing and transformation. 

Accessing exiled parts: With the support of your protective parts, you’ll work to safely access and connect with the exiled parts of yourself that carry emotional pain, trauma, or burdens.

Witnessing and validating their experiences: By observing and empathizing with your exiles, you’ll provide a compassionate presence that allows them to feel seen, heard, and understood.

Unburdening exiles: Through compassionate and mindful interaction, you’ll help release the emotional burdens carried by your exiles, promoting healing and transformation within your internal system.

Integrating transformed exiles: As your exiles heal, they’ll become more integrated and connected with your core Self, allowing their unique qualities and gifts to contribute positively to your overall well being.

Strengthening the internal system: Through this process, your internal system becomes more harmonious and cohesive, with your protective parts learning to trust and collaborate with your healed exiles and your core Self.

So going back to our example, this would involve helping the person witness the younger version of themselves that carry shame from the past and the belief that they’re a bad person due to ongoing abuse and mistreatment.

When the protective parts have stepped aside through earned trust, it creates more internal space for someone to connect to their exile parts with compassion. 

It helps them to get into a more meditative state of mind where they can connect to the younger version of themselves with curiosity and compassion, as opposed to feeling overwhelmed, emotionally flooded and retraumatised. 

They connect to their inner child with “self energy” and their inner child experiences the calmness, centeredness and presence needed as a child. 

Sometimes it takes a while for our exiled parts to trust our adult self, when they have been criticized and judged by ourselves and others, but by being gentle and kind, our exiled parts eventually trust us to support them, and it’s incredibly healing when our exile gets the love, appreciation and affection they deserve.

This second phase focuses on healing the roof of the emotional pain and suffering by healing and integrating exiled parts. This process fosters greater emotional resilience, self-acceptance, and personal growth, leading to lasting positive change in someone’s mental health and overall wellbeing.

The Role of Self-Energy in the Healing Process

Self-energy is a crucial component of the IFS Internal Family Systems healing process, as it serves as the nurturing and compassionate presence that guides the interaction between the core Self and the various parts of the internal system. Characterized by qualities such as curiosity, empathy, and acceptance, self-energy facilitates the therapeutic process by fostering a safe and supportive environment for healing and growth.

The Eight C’s of Self-Energy

Curiosity: By approaching parts with genuine interest and openness, you can gain valuable insights into the needs, fears, and motivations of your parts, leading to greater understanding and empathy.

Compassion: Extending warmth, kindness, and understanding to parts helps them feel seen and appreciated, fostering a sense of safety and trust in the healing process.

Clarity: As self-energy increases, you can experience greater mental clarity, making it easier to differentiate between the needs and emotions of various parts and the presence of the core Self.

Calmness: By cultivating a sense of tranquility and peace, you can can approach your parts with a balanced and non-reactive presence, allowing for more effective communication and healing.

Connectedness: Strengthening the connection between the core Self and various parts promotes integration and harmony within the internal system, fostering a greater sense of wholeness and well-being.

Confidence: Developing trust in your own ability to navigate and heal the internal system empowers people to take an active role in their healing journey.

Courage: Facing and healing wounded parts requires bravery and resilience, but it’s an innate aspect of the self that can be accessed.

Creativity: Engaging the creative aspects of self-energy allows individuals to approach their healing process with creativity and resourcefulness.

Integrating IFS Internal Family Systems in Daily Life

If you resonate with IFS, then you can begin incorporating the principles of IFS Internal Family Systems into daily life. Before undergoing IFS Therapy, you can begin a few practices to begin exploring the self and calming the mind.

By creating a regular practice of connecting with and nurturing various parts, you can cultivate greater self-awareness, emotional resilience, and improved relationships.

Here’s some practices you might consider:

Meditation: Practicing mindfulness meditation can help you to become more attuned to the presence of your various parts and develop the skills needed to approach them with curiosity and compassion.

Journaling: Writing about interactions with different parts can provide valuable insights into your needs and motivations, fostering greater understanding and self-awareness. You might want to draw a map of all the different parts of the self that you’d like to get to know and work on in IFS Internal Family Systems. 

Perhaps there is a trigger map that is prevalent in your life that you’d like to work on such as “the abandoned child trigger map”, in which an abandoned child is being triggered and there are protective parts that try to cope with the pain of abandonment. 

These might include “the anxious part” that feels anxiety in relationships, “the overthinking part” that overthinks about people’s behavior, the “critical part” that puts you down for being anxious in relationships and the “self doubt part” that doubts your intuition. 

Self-compassion practices: Engaging in self-compassion exercises, such as loving-kindness meditation or self-empathy techniques, can strengthen one’s capacity for self-energy and promote healing within the internal system.

IFS Internal Family Systems offers a powerful approach to healing past traumas and promoting personal growth. By cultivating self-energy and integrating the principles of IFS into daily life, people can significantly reduce emotional distress and create sustainable emotional healing in their life.

Next steps

If you’re curious about IFS and would like to begin befriending your parts, I understand the importance of working with someone who is compassionate and holds space for your parts without judgement. Book an intro call to see if you resonate with my energy and approach.