Healing Abandonment Wounds With Inner Child Work

Many times in life we can operate from a place of fear, anxiety and insecurity because we have this fear of being abandoned. This is often due to our childhood experience of our parents abandoning us. If this emotional wound is left unaddressed, then we will carry this wound into our romantic relationships as an adult. In this article, we’ll talk about healing abandonment wounds through inner child therapy.

In the early stages of my life I experienced a lack of love, emotional disconnection and physical departures from my parents.

This conditioned me to fear endings and fear people leaving me and it manifested into insecure attachment and separation anxiety. 

When we experience emotional disconnection, inconsistency in parenting or physical departures as children, we interpret that we’re being rejected, abandoned and that we’re not enough. When this happens we end up feeling sad, lonely and alone. 

And because these experiences happen early on in our lives when we’re highly suggestible it creates an imprint in our subconscious mind, and as a result we believe that we’re not wanted, we’re not loved and we’re not enough. 

These feelings also get stored in the nervous system and get stored as triggers. So if this experience of abandonment is happening consistently over time and we get the same emotional imprint it becomes its own program or way of functioning.

How the subconscious mind works is that all of our emotional memories are stored in a part of our brain called the amygdala, which is our emotional memory system which carries all of our conditioning. It is also where our inner child resides. This includes the full range of intense emotions such as joy and pain, happiness and sadness.

So if you think of a favourite childhood memory, if you remember that memory now, as you tell the story of that memory you will feel the joy of that memory. That’s because all of those pleasant emotions were stored. 

But when you have a negative emotional experience that you couldn’t process. This might be a traumatic memory that you didn’t have the emotional tools to make peace with at that time, what’s happening is that you have all of this negative emotional storage trapped in your subconscious mind, and when something triggers it you’re experiencing all of the intense emotions that are coming from the past. 

So if we look at this in the context of being abandoned, if we have repetitive emotional experiences of being rejected, abandoned, unloved and alone, this self doubt, fear and insecurity becomes our baseline for how we interact with the world.

We have all of that emotional storage trapped in our nervous system, so when a person leaves the space, pulls away or rejects us, we might find ourselves going through a rollercoaster of emotions. 

If we find ourselves emotionally reacting or being hysterical with our emotions it’s because what is hysterical is historical. If we experience ourselves experiencing intense emotions that outweighs the event of the present moment, we can see that we’re not reacting as adults, but as the powerless and helpless child that we once were. 

Because when we were a child our basic human fears were abandonment. As a child we’re dependent on our caregivers for survival and without them we’d die. 

So at a young age when we feared abandonment, at the time that was about safety and survival.

So fast forward later in our lives when we’re an adult, we’re touching an emotion that makes us feel like we can’t survive without a person. It’s an extremely deep core wound that gets embedded into our psyche and our nervous system can go into complete dysregulation. This is why healing abandonment wounds is key, so we can consciously choose secure and healthy relationships.

Consciously we might know that we need to be cool and calm in relationships, but if our inner child is spilling out all of the emotions and we are experiencing those unresolved emotions of rejection, abandonment and pain. 

This might show up as extreme anxiety, nervousness in our stomach, adrenaline shooting down our legs and tremendous trapped emotions in our heart area and throat.

It also often manifests into the pattern of chasing emotionally unavailable partners who fear commitment, intimacy and can’t give us the emotional support, consistency and reliability we need to feel emotionally safe in a relationship.

When we have abandonment issues it’s not just our thinking that gets consumed by fear, self doubt and insecurity, but we have this physical response in our nervous system when we anticipate a departure, and we feel it in our heart, mind, body and spirit.

So it’s important to understand that healing abandonment wounds is key for healing the nervous system, so that we can shift our minds, our emotions and our bodily responses.

We need to be able to look at it as a deep emotional wound that we can heal, otherwise we will carry this wound in our friendships, relationships, work and we’ll continue to experience this extreme response in our nervous system when we experience a physical departure from somebody.

Now, what will heal these wounds on a permanent basis is the ability to self connect and self regulate. 

When it comes to healing abandonment wounds, most of the time, we have a fear of rejection and abandonment and we spend our lives focusing on what’s happening outside of ourselves. 

We become hypervigilant and hypersensitive to our environment and we’re consumed by what others are saying to us, what other people think about us, what others feel about us, rather than focusing on the relationship we have with ourselves. 

If this is where most of our energy is, then I invite you to ask yourself: who is here in your business meeting your emotional needs? Who is looking after you? Who is present with you checking how you feel? 

Nobody, we’re out there in everyone else’s business trying to get approval, get liked, protect ourselves from being abandoned, not be rejected, which means we have this disproportionate balance of where we’re putting our energy, which further fuels this need to not be rejected or abandoned from others as we think that’s our only source.

We think this is our only source of getting our needs met and that isn’t true. 

And this is because we’re desperate to be seen, heard and understood and this neglect from childhood and lack of emotional connection becomes our obsessive focus as adults, so what we do is we emotionally abandon ourselves to get approval and validation from others.

Awareness 

So one of the first step to healing abandonment wounds is awareness.

Until we acknowledge and address the root of this abandonment wound, we will never be able to truly heal it. 

So I invite you to ask yourself: what are the ways in which I experienced abandonment as a child and as an adult? How was I abandoned physically and emotionally?

What has been the impact of the physical departures, of the neglect, the divorce and of the deaths?

Reflecting on our childhood experiences is important because it allows us to cultivate self awareness and release all of the stored memories and emotions we have. 

If we experienced physical departures as a child we might have learned that love is conditional. It will have affected our self worth and created an identity wound that we don’t belong. We don’t feel loved or wanted and we learn to not trust others. When we repeatedly experience people leaving us we don’t trust that good things will stay. 

So this might show up as separation anxiety in relationships or panic when we anticipate people leaving or when things end. Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that when people leave us they don’t return we become hypervigilant and hypersensitive to any sense of people leaving us, rejecting us or abandoning us.

So we might hold onto unhealthy relationships because we believe that we won’t be able to find someone who treats us well. We might over emotionally invest in people early on to avoid being abandoned.

We might also have had parents who overlooked our emotional needs and experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect.

As a result, we believe that we don’t have the capacity to be loved or for people to stick around or to stay with us. We might think to ourselves “who is going to love me?”. Because of these repetitive physical departures and experience of emotional disconnection it has made us feel like we are unworthy and nobody is going to love us. 

And so being aware of whether it was neglect, divorce, abuse or death, there may be wounds you are carrying into your friendships and relationships that are sabotaging you.

And when we can acknowledge the root of our abandonment issues, we can cultivate self-awareness and see the patterns that this wound is creating.

We can ask ourselves what do I create in my life as a result of my abandonment fears? Or what do I allow because of my fears? Or what do I choose because of my fears? 

And we can ask ourselves how has this fear created more stress?

Once awareness is there, the second step to healing abandonment wounds is trauma therapy, such as inner child healing. 

Internal Family Systems therapy is a transformative approach that helps individuals heal by addressing the various “parts” or subpersonalities within them. 

In the context of abandonment wounds, IFS therapy can help individuals:

• Identify wounded parts: IFS helps clients recognize the parts of themselves that carry the pain of abandonment, such as an inner child or an insecure part.
• Develop Self-leadership: The IFS model emphasizes the importance of cultivating a compassionate, wise, and grounded “Self.” This Self can serve as a source of stability and reassurance for wounded parts.
• Heal wounded parts: Through the therapeutic process, clients learn to connect with their wounded parts and offer understanding, validation, and support. This allows for the emotional healing of abandonment wounds.
• Develop healthier relationships: IFS therapy can help clients establish healthier patterns in their relationships by addressing the underlying fears and insecurities that stem from abandonment wounds.

Conclusion

Healing abandonment wounds is a critical step toward achieving emotional well-being and cultivating healthier, more secure relationships. Internal Family Systems therapy provides a powerful framework for understanding and addressing these wounds, promoting self-compassion, and fostering personal growth. By embracing the transformative potential of IFS therapy, individuals can overcome the lingering effects of abandonment and move toward a more fulfilling life.

Healing Abandonment Wounds With IFS Therapy: A Gentle 3-Step Process

Step 1: Begin With a Free 15-Minute Consultation

Start with a safe, informal conversation. Share your experiences, ask questions about IFS therapy, and explore whether this approach feels right for you. There is no pressure or obligation—just a gentle first step toward understanding and healing your abandonment wounds.

Step 2: Explore Your Abandonment Patterns With Compassion

In therapy, we gently uncover how past experiences of abandonment show up in your thoughts, emotions, and relationships. IFS helps you understand the protective parts that developed to cope with early loss or neglect, offering insight and compassion rather than judgment.

Step 3: Reparent, Unburden, and Build Internal Safety

IFS supports your calm, grounded Self to nurture and care for wounded parts carrying abandonment pain. Over time, these parts soften, emotional energy is released, and you can develop internal security. This strengthens your ability to form healthier relationships, trust yourself, and engage with the world from a place of choice and confidence.

Inner Child Work: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional Freedom 

Inner child work is a powerful therapeutic approach that allows people to connect with and heal the unresolved emotional wounds and unmet needs of their childhood. The premise of inner child work is that the child we once were still exists within us, and by nurturing this aspect of ourselves, we can foster emotional healing, self-love, and personal growth.

At its core, inner child work is a journey of self-discovery and exploration. Through introspection and guided therapeutic practices, people can begin to identify and process the experiences and emotions that have shaped their self-perception, relationships, and overall well-being. This process often involves acknowledging and validating the pain and challenges faced during childhood, as well as cultivating empathy and understanding for the experiences of the inner child.

One key aspect of inner child work is the development of self-compassion. By recognising and tending to the vulnerabilities and needs of the inner child, individuals can learn to treat themselves with greater kindness and understanding. This self-compassion serves as a foundation for emotional healing and personal growth, allowing individuals to break free from limiting beliefs and patterns rooted in childhood experiences.

Engaging in inner child work can have a profound impact on mental and emotional well-being. By addressing unresolved issues from childhood, individuals can improve their self-esteem, enhance their ability to cope with stress, and cultivate healthier relationships. Ultimately, inner child work offers a path to greater self-awareness, resilience, and a deeper connection with one’s authentic self.

I have 5 years experience of using inner child work to help people work with unprocessed emotions from childhood and find more calm and inner harmony. You can read more about my therapeutic approach here. I offer in-person therapy in Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK and online.

What is an inner child?

The inner child is a metaphorical concept that refers to the child-like aspect of an individual’s psyche. It encompasses the emotional and psychological experiences, memories, and unmet needs that were formed during childhood. The inner child is often seen as a vulnerable part of the self that continues to influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors throughout our lives.

Our inner child holds the memories and emotions associated with our early experiences, including both positive and negative events. These experiences shape our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world around us, ultimately influencing our self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being.

The inner child can be thought of as a repository for the unprocessed emotions, needs, and desires that we may have suppressed or neglected during childhood. When these emotional wounds are left unresolved, they can manifest in various ways, such as low self-esteem, difficulties in relationships, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Imagine a young girl named Lily, who, at the age of six, experienced the painful divorce of her parents. As a child, she didn’t have the emotional tools or understanding to process the feelings of sadness, confusion, and fear that accompanied this tumultuous time. As a result, these intense emotions became lodged within her inner child, creating a sense of vulnerability and anxiety that persisted into adulthood.

Years later, adult Lily finds herself struggling in her romantic relationships. She becomes easily triggered by any sign of conflict, often withdrawing emotionally or reacting disproportionately. Through inner child work, Lily discovers that her unresolved emotions from childhood have been influencing her current relationships. By acknowledging and embracing her inner child’s pain and fear, Lily learns to address these emotions with self-compassion, reassuring her younger self that she is now safe and capable of navigating life’s challenges.

As Lily continues to nurture her inner child, she experiences a newfound sense of self-awareness and emotional resilience. She begins to communicate more effectively in her relationships, setting healthy boundaries, and expressing her needs with empathy and understanding. In connecting with her inner child, Lily is able to heal past wounds and create a more harmonious, fulfilling present.

In Lily’s case, using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach, we would explore various parts that have developed within her psyche in response to her childhood experiences. Some of the key parts that could be identified and worked with include:

Exiles:

This part holds the unprocessed emotions and fears related to her parents’ divorce, such as fear, sadness, abandonment, confusion, and anxiety.

Fear: A part that embodies the deep-seated fear and anxiety stemming from her childhood experiences.

Abandonment: A part that carries the pain of feeling abandoned and rejected during her parents’ divorce.

Rejection: A part that holds the sense of being unwanted or unlovable as a result of her childhood experiences.

Firefighters:

These part may emerge in moments of emotional overwhelm, leading Lily to react impulsively or engage in self-destructive behaviors to alleviate the pain of her exiles.

Impulsive: A part that drives Lily to act impulsively in response to emotional overwhelm, often as a way to cope with or escape from her exiles’ pain.

Emotionally reactive: A part that leads Lily to react intensely and emotionally in challenging situations, again as a way to manage or avoid the inner child’s pain.

Managers:

Avoider: A part that encourages Lily to avoid emotional intimacy or confrontation in relationships, serving as a protective mechanism against the inner child’s vulnerability.

Analytical: A part that relies on logic and rationalization to manage emotions and situations, potentially as a way to distance Lily from her inner child’s pain.

Inner critic: A part that generates self-judgment, negative self-talk, and feelings of inadequacy, often perpetuating the pain of the inner child and reinforcing her belief that she is not good enough.

The Self: This is the core aspect of Lily’s psyche, embodying qualities such as curiosity, compassion, and acceptance. The goal of IFS therapy is to help Lily connect with her Self, enabling her to engage with her other parts from a place of understanding and empathy.

By identifying and working with these parts, Lily can develop a more compassionate relationship with her inner child and create a sense of safety and stability within her internal system. This integration fosters emotional healing, personal growth, and the ability to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and self-awareness.

Understanding and nurturing our inner child is an essential aspect of personal growth and emotional healing. By acknowledging and tending to the needs of our inner child, we can develop greater self-compassion, address unresolved emotional wounds, and cultivate a stronger sense of wholeness and well-being.

Signs you have a wounded inner child

A wounded inner child can manifest in various ways, affecting our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships. Some common signs that may indicate a wounded inner child include:

• Low self-esteem: A wounded inner child often struggles with feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, or a lack of self-confidence. This can lead to difficulties in asserting oneself, making decisions, or pursuing personal goals.
• Trust issues: Individuals with a wounded inner child may find it challenging to trust others, establish healthy boundaries, or maintain stable relationships. They may also experience codependency or engage in people-pleasing behaviors.
• Emotional reactivity: Unresolved emotional wounds can lead to heightened emotional sensitivity, causing individuals to react intensely to perceived criticism, rejection, or abandonment. This may manifest as anger, defensiveness, or emotional outbursts.
• Self-sabotaging behaviors: A wounded inner child can contribute to self-destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse, poor decision-making, or engaging in unhealthy relationships. These behaviors may serve as coping mechanisms to avoid addressing the root cause of their emotional pain.
• Chronic stress or anxiety: Individuals with a wounded inner child may experience persistent feelings of stress, anxiety, or fear, which can negatively impact their overall well-being and quality of life.
• Difficulty regulating emotions: A wounded inner child can result in difficulties managing and processing emotions effectively. This may manifest as emotional numbness, emotional outbursts, or mood swings.
• Struggling with boundaries: Individuals with a wounded inner child may find it challenging to set and maintain healthy boundaries in their relationships. This can lead to feelings of being taken advantage of or overwhelmed by the needs of others.
• Fear of abandonment: A wounded inner child may cause an individual to experience an intense fear of being abandoned or rejected by others. This fear can result in clingy or codependent behaviors in relationships.
• Sense of loneliness: An inner child that has been wounded may contribute to persistent feelings of loneliness and isolation, even in the presence of others. This can lead to difficulties in forming meaningful connections with others.
• Attracting narcissistic behavior: Individuals with a wounded inner child may find themselves repeatedly drawn to narcissistic partners or friends. These relationships can further exacerbate emotional wounds and contribute to feelings of worthlessness.
• Tolerating emotional abuse: A wounded inner child may cause an individual to tolerate emotional abuse, such as gaslighting, manipulation, or excessive criticism. This can result in a diminished sense of self-worth and difficulties in protecting one’s emotional well-being.
• Identifying these signs of a wounded inner child can provide valuable insight into the ways in which early experiences and relationships have shaped emotional well-being. By addressing these issues, individuals can begin the healing process and develop the skills necessary to foster healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self.
• Physical health issues: In some cases, a wounded inner child can lead to physical health problems, such as chronic pain, digestive issues, or a weakened immune system.

Identifying the signs of a wounded inner child is an essential first step in the healing process. By acknowledging and addressing these issues, individuals can embark on a transformative journey toward emotional healing, self-discovery, and personal growth.

Why inner child work is important

Inner child work is a crucial aspect of personal growth and emotional healing, as it enables individuals to address unresolved emotional wounds and unmet needs from childhood. By engaging in this therapeutic process, individuals can cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness, self-compassion, and emotional resilience. Here are some key reasons why inner child work is important:

• Enhanced self-understanding: Inner child work encourages individuals to explore and understand the experiences, emotions, and needs that shaped their early development. This increased self-awareness fosters a deeper understanding of one’s identity, values, and emotional patterns.
• Healing emotional wounds: Through inner child work, individuals can address the unresolved emotional pain that may be impacting their current relationships and well-being. By acknowledging and processing these emotions, individuals can begin to heal and move forward in their lives.
• Improved relationships: Inner child work can help individuals establish healthier relationship patterns by addressing issues such as trust, boundaries, and communication. By understanding the roots of their emotional responses, individuals can develop more secure and fulfilling connections with others.
• Greater self-compassion: Engaging in inner child work promotes self-compassion, as individuals learn to acknowledge and validate the needs and experiences of their inner child. This self-compassion fosters emotional resilience and helps individuals navigate life’s challenges with greater understanding and kindness.
• Increased emotional regulation: Inner child work can improve emotional regulation, as individuals develop the skills necessary to identify, understand, and manage their emotions effectively. This emotional intelligence enables individuals to respond to challenges with greater flexibility and adaptability.

Inner child work is a transformative process that allows individuals to heal from past experiences, cultivate self-awareness, and develop healthier patterns in their relationships and emotional well-being. By engaging in this powerful therapeutic approach, individuals can build a solid foundation for personal growth and lasting emotional health.

How to connect to your inner child

Connecting with your inner child is a crucial step in the healing process, allowing you to address unmet emotional needs and unresolved wounds from childhood. Here are some ways to establish a connection with your inner child:

• Self-reflection: Engage in introspection and explore your childhood experiences, emotions, and needs. Reflect on how these early experiences may be impacting your current thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
• Creative expression: Engage in creative activities, such as art, writing, or music, that allow you to connect with and express your inner child’s emotions and experiences.
• Mindfulness and meditation: Cultivate present-moment awareness through mindfulness and meditation practices. This can help you become more attuned to your inner child’s emotions and needs.
• Inner dialogue: Communicate directly with your inner child through inner dialogue or journaling. Ask questions, listen attentively, and offer understanding and support in response to your inner child’s emotions and experiences.

When addressing childhood trauma, it’s essential to consider the protective parts that have developed as a response to intense emotions. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, these parts are recognized as aspects of the self that serve a specific function or purpose. Before connecting with the inner child, it’s crucial to acknowledge and work with these protective parts to create a sense of safety and stability.

Neglecting to address protective parts can result in feeling overwhelmed or emotionally flooded when attempting to connect with the inner child. By establishing a compassionate relationship with protective parts, individuals can develop a greater understanding of their roles and functions. 

This understanding can facilitate cooperation and trust, making it safer to access and heal the vulnerable inner child. Ultimately, integrating the wisdom of protective parts into the healing process promotes a more balanced and self-compassionate approach to addressing childhood trauma and fostering emotional well-being.

Signs your inner child is healing

When your inner child has undergone healing, there are several indicators that can signal a positive transformation in your emotional well-being and personal growth. Some of the signs that your inner child is healed include:

• Improved self-esteem: As you nurture and address the needs of your inner child, you develop a greater sense of self-worth and self-confidence. You feel more secure in your identity and are less likely to seek external validation.
• Healthier relationships: Healing your inner child allows you to establish and maintain healthier, more fulfilling relationships. You develop better communication skills, set healthier boundaries, and cultivate deeper connections with others.
• Emotional resilience: Addressing the emotional wounds of your inner child fosters greater emotional resilience. You become more adept at managing stress, navigating challenging situations, and recovering from setbacks.
• Reduced self-criticism: As your inner child heals, you become less prone to self-criticism and negative self-talk. Instead, you adopt a more compassionate and understanding attitude toward yourself.
• Greater self-awareness: Healing your inner child leads to increased self-awareness and insight. You develop a deeper understanding of your emotions, needs, and motivations, which enables you to make more conscious and authentic choices.
• A sense of playfulness and joy: When your inner child is healed, you may find that you are more in touch with your playful and creative side. You experience greater joy and spontaneity in your life and feel more connected to your passions and interests.

Recognising these signs of healing can serve as a powerful reminder of the progress you have made in your personal growth journey and the positive impact that inner child work can have on your overall well-being.

Inner Child Work with Internal Family Systems

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy provides a powerful framework for inner child work by acknowledging the various parts within an individual’s psyche, including the inner child. In IFS, the inner child is recognized as a vulnerable part that carries unprocessed emotions and unmet needs from childhood experiences. The goal of inner child work through the lens of IFS therapy is to develop a compassionate relationship with this wounded part, fostering healing and integration.

Through IFS, individuals learn to differentiate between their various parts and access the innate wisdom of their “Self,” a core aspect of the psyche that embodies qualities such as curiosity, compassion, and acceptance. By cultivating a connection with the Self, individuals can engage with their inner child from a place of understanding and empathy, creating a safe environment for exploration and healing. As the inner child feels heard, understood, and nurtured, the individual experiences a greater sense of wholeness, emotional resilience, and personal growth.

Inner child work summary

Inner child work is a transformative therapeutic process that invites individuals to connect with and nurture the vulnerable, youthful part of their psyche that carries unmet emotional needs and unresolved wounds from childhood experiences. By engaging in self-reflection, creative expression, mindfulness, and inner dialogue, individuals can access their inner child, fostering a deep sense of self-compassion and understanding.

Through inner child work, individuals develop the capacity to address emotional triggers, heal past traumas, and cultivate healthier relationships with themselves and others. By embracing and nurturing the inner child, individuals experience a greater sense of wholeness, emotional resilience, and personal growth, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and harmonious life.

If this resonates, go to my home page to view my current availability for booking a session. I offer virtual therapy for those in the UK, US & Europe.

Discovering how to heal your inner child with inner child work involves nurturing and supporting the vulnerable younger version of yourself that may have experienced pain or neglect during childhood. Early life experiences, such as being bullied, enduring family conflict, or going through trauma, can leave a lasting impact on our emotional well-being. By learning how to connect with your inner child, you create an opportunity to address unresolved emotions and provide the care and understanding that may have been missing in those formative years.

Healing your inner child means embracing the part of yourself that carries the memories, emotions, and unmet needs from your younger years. When left unattended, these experiences can manifest as emotional struggles and relationship challenges in adulthood. Understanding how to heal your inner child involves a variety of therapeutic techniques and practices designed to foster self-compassion, emotional processing, and personal growth.

Dr. Jane Smith, a licensed psychologist specializing in inner child therapy, emphasizes the importance of this work, stating, “Learning how to heal your inner child allows you to bridge the gap between your past and present selves. By addressing the emotional wounds of your younger years, you can break free from patterns of self-doubt, fear, and insecurity that hold you back in your adult life.”

Incorporating practices such as inner dialogue, journaling, visualization, and mindfulness into your daily life can help you establish a deeper connection with your inner child. 

As you become more attuned to the needs and emotions of your younger self, you can provide the nurturing and guidance needed to heal past wounds and create a more fulfilling and harmonious present. By understanding how to heal your inner child, you embrace the resilience and strength of your younger self while fostering emotional well-being and personal growth in your adult life.

How to heal your inner child with these exercises

When it comes to learning how to heal your inner child, inner child healing involves various therapeutic exercises designed to cultivate self-compassion, process unresolved emotions, and foster personal growth. Here are ten exercises that can guide you on this transformative journey:

1. Notice your inner child

The first step in nurturing your inner child is to become aware of their presence within you. Noticing your inner child involves recognizing their emotional needs and understanding how they influence your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By paying attention to moments when you feel vulnerable, fearful, or overwhelmed, you can begin to identify when your inner child is seeking your attention and support.

As you develop this awareness, you may notice patterns in your emotional responses or triggers that provide insight into your inner child’s experiences. This heightened self-awareness allows you to create a more compassionate and nurturing relationship with your inner child, acknowledging their vulnerability while providing the guidance and reassurance needed for emotional healing and personal growth.

In order to better recognize your inner child’s presence, it can be helpful to reflect on past experiences, childhood memories, or familial dynamics that may have contributed to their unmet needs or emotional wounds. By examining these early influences, you can better understand your inner child’s experiences and develop strategies to address their needs in the present. As you become more attuned to your inner child, you create a foundation for healing and transformation that fosters emotional resilience and well-being.

2. Identify triggers

Emotional triggers are situations, events, or experiences that elicit strong emotional reactions, often tied to past unhealed wounds or unmet needs. Identifying emotional triggers can help you better understand your inner child’s experiences and offer opportunities for healing and growth.

Recognising your emotional triggers involves paying attention to situations or interactions that evoke intense reactions, such as anger, sadness, anxiety, or fear. These reactions may seem disproportionate to the current situation, signaling unresolved emotions from your past. By observing your reactions and reflecting on the underlying emotions, you can begin to identify patterns and better understand the connection between your inner child’s experiences and your present emotional responses.

It is essential to approach this process with curiosity and self-compassion, acknowledging that these emotional triggers are a natural response to past hurts. Journaling, self-reflection, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can assist you in identifying your emotional triggers. As you become more aware of these triggers, you can develop strategies to address them, offering your inner child the emotional support and validation needed for healing and personal growth.

For instance, let’s consider Lucy, who experienced a childhood where expressing emotions was discouraged and often met with disapproval. As an adult, Lucy may find herself emotionally triggered when her partner expresses dissatisfaction with her actions or when she feels misunderstood during a conversation. These situations might cause her to feel inadequate, fearful, or ashamed, which may seem out of proportion to the events at hand.

Through introspection, Lucy may come to realize that her heightened reactions in these situations stem from her inner child’s unfulfilled need for emotional validation and acceptance. By recognizing this connection, Lucy can start addressing her emotional triggers through self-compassionate practices, open communication with her partner, or by seeking guidance from a therapist.

As Lucy becomes more aware of her emotional triggers and actively works on resolving them, she gains a deeper understanding of her inner child’s experiences. This newfound insight allows her to heal past wounds and develop emotional resilience and well-being in her relationships and personal life.

As you continue to explore and identify your emotional triggers, you may find that they become less intense, and your reactions become more manageable. This process of self-discovery and healing fosters a deeper understanding of your inner child’s experiences and lays the groundwork for emotional resilience and well-being in your adult life.

3. Inner child meditation

Inner child healing meditation is a powerful practice that allows you to connect with your inner child, offering love, support, and validation for their emotional experiences. This meditation provides a safe space for your inner child to express their feelings and needs, fostering healing and personal growth.

Begin by finding a quiet, comfortable place where you can sit or lie down without distractions. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and allow yourself to relax. Visualize a peaceful, safe environment, such as a serene garden or a cozy room.

Next, invite your inner child to join you in this safe space. Imagine them as a younger version of yourself, and allow them to express their emotions and share their experiences. Listen attentively, offering empathy and understanding. Reassure your inner child that they are loved, valued, and protected.

Now, envision yourself embracing your inner child, providing comfort and security. Allow the warmth of this connection to envelop you both, fostering a sense of unity and healing. As you hold your inner child, offer loving affirmations, such as “I am here for you,” “I love you,” and “I accept you just as you are.”

As your meditation comes to a close, thank your inner child for sharing their feelings and reassure them that you will continue to be there for them. Take a few deep breaths, and when you feel ready, gently open your eyes, bringing this sense of love and connection into your daily life.

Incorporating inner child healing meditation into your self-care routine can strengthen your relationship with your inner child, promote emotional healing, and cultivate greater self-compassion and emotional resilience.

4. Play

Play is an essential aspect of inner child healing, as it encourages creativity, self-expression, and emotional release. Engaging in play allows you to connect with your inner child, fostering joy, relaxation, and a sense of freedom.

To incorporate play into your healing journey, explore activities that you enjoyed during childhood or have always wanted to try. This could include coloring, painting, playing with clay, dancing, playing board games, or engaging in imaginative play. Allow yourself to let go of inhibitions and embrace the lightheartedness and joy that play brings.

As you engage in play, notice any feelings that arise, and allow yourself to fully experience them without judgment or self-criticism. Play provides a safe space for emotions to surface and be processed, fostering healing and personal growth.

Incorporating play into your daily life can also serve as a reminder to prioritize self-care, joy, and relaxation. By embracing your inner child’s need for play, you cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling life that nurtures your emotional well-being.

Remember, play is not limited to structured activities or specific times; it can also manifest as a mindset of curiosity, exploration, and wonder.

5. Practice self-compassion

Practicing self-compassion is a vital component of inner child healing, as it fosters emotional resilience and well-being. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially during difficult times.

To cultivate self-compassion, begin by acknowledging your emotions without judgment. Recognize that pain and suffering are part of the human experience, and that it is natural to encounter challenges and setbacks. Embrace your feelings with empathy and remind yourself that it is okay to struggle.

Next, practice offering yourself loving-kindness through gentle affirmations and self-talk. Replace self-criticism with supportive statements, such as “I am worthy,” “I am doing the best I can,” and “I am deserving of love and compassion.”

Another essential aspect of self-compassion is mindfulness. By being present with your emotions and experiences, you can develop greater self-awareness and respond to your needs more effectively. Mindfulness also enables you to distinguish between constructive and destructive self-talk, enabling you to choose more nurturing thoughts and behaviors.

Finally, remember that self-compassion is not selfish or self-indulgent. By treating yourself with kindness and understanding, you strengthen your capacity to extend compassion to others and create more meaningful connections in your relationships.

Incorporating self-compassion practices into your daily life can lead to increased emotional resilience, reduced stress, and a greater sense of well-being.

6. Write a letter

Writing a letter between your inner child and adult self is a therapeutic exercise that can facilitate healing and promote self-understanding. This exchange provides an opportunity for your inner child to express their emotions, needs, and experiences, while your adult self offers validation, support, and guidance.

Begin by creating a quiet, comfortable space where you can write without distractions. Start with a letter from your inner child, allowing them to share their feelings, fears, and unmet needs. Encourage your inner child to be open and honest, assuring them that they are in a safe and non-judgmental space.

Next, write a response letter from your adult self, addressing your inner child’s concerns with compassion and empathy. Offer reassurance and understanding while acknowledging their pain and struggles. Provide guidance and support, emphasizing your commitment to their well-being and emotional healing.

As you engage in this dialogue, notice any emotions that surface and allow yourself to process them with self-compassion. This exchange can serve as a foundation for building trust and connection between your inner child and adult self, fostering emotional resilience and personal growth.

Incorporating this letter-writing exercise into your inner child healing journey can deepen your understanding of your emotional experiences and unmet needs. By fostering a compassionate and supportive dialogue between your inner child and adult self, you can cultivate a stronger sense of self-awareness, self-compassion, and emotional well-being.

7. Mirror work

Mirror work is a powerful technique that can help you connect with your inner child and promote emotional healing. By engaging in self-reflection and self-expression, mirror work allows you to explore your feelings, develop self-compassion, and cultivate a deeper understanding of your emotional experiences.

To practice mirror work, find a quiet, private space with a mirror. Take a few deep breaths and relax your body. Gaze into the mirror, making eye contact with your reflection. As you look into your eyes, imagine that you are seeing your inner child within them.

Begin by acknowledging your inner child’s presence and offering them a warm smile. Express gratitude for their resilience and their role in shaping who you are today. As you continue to maintain eye contact, take turns expressing your thoughts and feelings, both as your inner child and your adult self.

As your inner child, share your emotions, fears, and unmet needs. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest, trusting that your adult self is listening with empathy and understanding. As your adult self, respond to your inner child with compassion, validation, and reassurance. Offer guidance and support, emphasizing your commitment to their healing and well-being.

Throughout this exercise, observe any emotions or sensations that arise, and practice responding to them with self-compassion. By engaging in mirror work, you create a safe space for your inner child to be heard and acknowledged, fostering emotional healing and personal growth.

Incorporating mirror work into your inner child healing journey can enhance self-awareness, self-expression, and self-compassion. By nurturing this connection between your inner child and adult self, you can promote emotional resilience and well-being in your daily life.

8. Set boundaries

Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of inner child healing, as it helps create a sense of safety and self-respect in your relationships and daily life. Boundaries define your emotional, physical, and mental limits, allowing you to preserve your well-being and maintain healthy connections with others.

To establish healthy boundaries, begin by identifying your needs, values, and limits. Reflect on past experiences when you felt uncomfortable or disregarded, and use these insights to inform your boundary-setting process. Consider the types of interactions, behaviors, and communication styles that make you feel safe and respected.

Next, practice assertive communication when expressing your boundaries to others. Be clear and direct when conveying your needs and limits, using “I” statements to emphasize your perspective and feelings. Remember that it is not your responsibility to manage others’ reactions or emotions; focus on articulating your boundaries with empathy and respect.

It is equally important to uphold your boundaries by reinforcing them when needed. 

This may involve saying “no” to requests that conflict with your values or needs or disengaging from situations that make you feel uncomfortable. By consistently maintaining your boundaries, you teach others how to treat you and demonstrate self-respect and self-care.

Incorporating boundary-setting practices into your inner child healing journey can help you develop a greater sense of agency, self-worth, and emotional resilience. By prioritizing your needs and well-being, you create an environment that nurtures and supports your inner child’s emotional healing and personal growth.

9. Reduce interactions with toxic people

Reducing interactions with toxic people is an essential step in creating a supportive environment for inner child healing and emotional well-being. Toxic individuals can negatively impact your emotional health, self-esteem, and overall happiness, making it crucial to establish boundaries and limit exposure to such relationships.

To identify toxic people in your life, pay attention to those who consistently display behaviors such as belittling, blaming, manipulating, or being emotionally draining. These individuals may leave you feeling diminished, anxious, or unsupported, hindering your emotional healing and personal growth.

Once you have recognized toxic people in your life, begin to limit your interactions with them as much as possible. This may involve distancing yourself physically, setting boundaries in your conversations, or even ending the relationship altogether. Remember that your well-being and emotional healing should be your top priority, and it is not selfish to protect yourself from harmful influences.

In some cases, it may not be feasible to entirely remove toxic people from your life, such as in familial or work-related situations. In these instances, focus on limiting the time spent with these individuals and engaging in self-care practices to counteract their negative impact on your emotional health.

10. Focus on building a strong sense of self

Developing a strong sense of self is a vital aspect of inner child healing, as it fosters emotional resilience, self-confidence, and personal growth. A robust sense of self allows you to navigate life’s challenges with greater self-assurance and independence while staying true to your values, needs, and desires.

To cultivate a strong sense of self, begin by exploring your authentic self, including your unique strengths, interests, and aspirations. Engage in activities that bring you joy, and nurture your talents through continued learning and growth. By honoring your genuine self, you lay the foundation for a more confident and resilient sense of identity.

Embrace self-acceptance by acknowledging your imperfections and vulnerabilities as part of your humanity. Recognize that making mistakes and experiencing setbacks is an integral part of personal growth and learning. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and support, especially during challenging times.

Establishing healthy boundaries is another essential aspect of building a strong sense of self. By setting limits on how others treat you and prioritize your needs, you foster self-respect and self-esteem. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who uplift and encourage you, as their influence can significantly impact your emotional well-being and personal growth.

Incorporating these practices into your inner child healing journey can help you develop a robust sense of self that serves as a solid foundation for emotional resilience, personal fulfillment, and well-being.

How to heal your inner child with internal family systems therapy

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that can be incredibly beneficial for inner child healing. This modality views the inner self as consisting of various “parts” that serve distinct roles in our emotional lives. By working with these parts, individuals can address their emotional wounds, develop self-compassion, and cultivate a healthy relationship with their inner child.

• Identify and connect with your inner child: Begin by acknowledging your inner child as a distinct part of your inner self. Visualize them in a safe, comfortable space, and allow yourself to connect with their emotions and needs.
• Develop a relationship with your inner child: Engage in ongoing communication with your inner child, listening to their feelings and providing support and validation. Allow them to express their emotional wounds and unmet needs.
• Identify protective parts: Notice any protective parts of your inner self that may prevent you from fully connecting with your inner child. These parts often serve as defense mechanisms, and it is crucial to understand their roles and intentions.
• Befriend protective parts: Develop a compassionate relationship with your protective parts by acknowledging their positive intentions and the role they have played in keeping you safe. Help these parts trust your ability to heal your inner child without their constant interference.
• Integrate protective parts: As your protective parts begin to relax, integrate them into your inner self, fostering a more cohesive and balanced emotional system.
• Heal your inner child: With the support of your integrated inner self, continue to nurture and heal your inner child by addressing their emotional wounds and unmet needs. Offer them love, support, and validation while guiding them towards emotional resolution.
• Develop Self-leadership: Strengthen your “Self” – the core, compassionate, and confident part of you – by consistently practicing self-compassion, self-awareness, and emotional regulation. Self-leadership enables you to maintain a healthy relationship with all your inner parts, promoting inner child healing and overall well-being.

Incorporating Internal Family Systems into your inner child healing journey can foster a deeper understanding of your emotional landscape and promote lasting emotional healing and personal growth.

Navigating the complexities of inner child healing can be a challenging and emotionally charged journey, and it is entirely normal to feel overwhelmed at times. It is essential to remember that seeking support from friends, family, support groups, or mental health professionals can provide valuable guidance, empathy, and encouragement throughout the healing process.

Reaching out for help allows you to share your experiences, gain new insights, and learn effective coping strategies from others who have embarked on similar paths. Mental health professionals, such as therapists or counselors trained in inner child healing and therapeutic modalities like Internal Family Systems, can offer expert guidance and create a safe space for you to explore and process your emotions.

Remember, you do not have to walk this path alone. Seeking support is a courageous step that demonstrates self-compassion and a commitment to your emotional well-being and personal growth. By reaching out for guidance, you provide yourself with the emotional resources and resilience needed to overcome challenges and achieve lasting healing.

Next steps

If this resonates, go to my home page to view my current availability for booking a session. I offer virtual therapy for those in the UK, US & Europe.

6 Inner Child Activities for Adults

Reconnecting with our inner child is a transformative process that can bring profound healing, personal growth, and emotional well-being into our lives. Our inner child represents the essence of our young, carefree, and curious selves that may have been wounded or neglected during our upbringing. Engaging in inner child activities for adults allows us to tap into the profound wisdom and joy that lies within, opening a pathway toward self-discovery and personal growth.

In our hectic adult lives, the responsibilities and pressures of daily life can distance us from the playful, creative, and imaginative aspects of our nature. This disconnection can leave our inner child feeling unseen, unappreciated, or misunderstood. By embracing inner child activities, we create a nurturing space where our inner child can safely express itself, release stored emotional energy, and experience the love and attention it deserves.

Inner child activities offer a unique opportunity to develop self-compassion, empathy, and emotional resilience. 

As we explore our inner world with curiosity and kindness, we begin to recognize patterns, behaviors, and beliefs that stem from our past experiences. This newfound awareness empowers us to heal old wounds, challenge limiting beliefs, and create healthier relationships with ourselves and others.

In the following sections, we will delve into a variety of engaging inner child activities designed to help you reconnect with your inner child and embrace the boundless potential that lies within.

1 Nature exploration

Nature exploration is a powerful way to nurture your inner child and promote healing. Wide-open spaces create a feeling of freedom, allowing us to escape the confines of our daily lives and the emotional overwhelm that can come with it. The vastness of nature symbolizes endless possibilities and encourages us to dream big, reminding us that there is so much more to life than our current circumstances.

As we immerse ourselves in nature, we’re also given the opportunity to practice mindfulness and gain a healthy separation from our emotions. This can lead to a fresh wave of energy, as we feel invigorated and inspired by the beauty of our surroundings.

One way to deepen our connection to nature is by visiting places that hold positive memories from childhood. For example, taking a walk in the forest, with its rich scents, textures, and sounds, can evoke a sense of nostalgia and comfort. Engaging in simple pleasures like picking wild berries or brambles can transport us back to a time when life felt simpler and more carefree, providing a sense of peace and joy.

Something that helps me is if I need to feel supported, I might lean against an oak tree and imagine what it feels like to have parents who are stable and supportive.

2 Reconnect to old hobbies

Rediscovering hobbies from our childhood can be an incredibly powerful way to reconnect with our inner child and build a healthy self-concept. By revisiting the activities that once brought us joy, such as dancing, we can tap into the confidence and self-assuredness that comes from knowing we have talents and interests beyond our careers.

While it’s natural to place importance on our professional lives, basing our self-worth solely on career success can lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression when things don’t go as planned. This is why it’s essential to cultivate other sources of confidence and strength in our lives, such as through hobbies, relationships, and personal growth.

By nurturing these diverse aspects of ourselves, we create a well-rounded sense of self that can withstand the inevitable ups and downs of life. The confidence and resilience we develop through our hobbies can also positively influence our professional endeavors, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life overall.

3 Spiritual symbolism

Connecting with our inner child through spiritual symbolism can serve as a powerful anchor, providing the gifts and higher messages our inner child needs for healing and growth. Many people carry shame or feelings of inadequacy stemming from childhood experiences, and inner child healing offers an opportunity to cultivate self-compassion and acceptance.

One way to engage in this process is by identifying the unique qualities and needs of your inner child. For instance, clients may visualize the color or energy associated with their inner child and use this as a guide for selecting symbolic objects that resonate with their healing journey.

Choosing items such as crystals, stones, or pieces of jewelry in these significant colors can serve as tangible reminders of the higher messages from their adult self. As they wear or interact with these objects daily, they are reminded of their commitment to nurturing their inner child and the unconditional love and acceptance they are cultivating for themselves.

Over time, this practice of honoring the inner child with spiritual symbolism can help people overcome feelings of shame and inadequacy, fostering a deeper sense of self-worth and resilience. By integrating these symbols into their daily lives, people can create a powerful anchor to the healing messages they wish to internalize, ultimately transforming their relationship with themselves and their past experiences.

4 Lean on inner resources

Many people who experienced inner child wounds often carry a deep sense of loneliness and an inner void resulting from the lack of love, affection, emotional support, and connection they needed during their childhood. In households where conversations were consistently brief, superficial, or dismissive, children may have struggled to develop a secure emotional bond with their parents, leading to feelings of disconnection and isolation.

This absence of emotional attunement and understanding can create long-lasting effects on an individual’s self-esteem and ability to form healthy relationships in adulthood. The unmet emotional needs from childhood can manifest as a persistent longing for connection, love, and validation in their adult lives.

As these people embark on their inner child healing journey, it’s crucial to acknowledge and process these feelings of loneliness and disconnection. By recognizing the roots of these emotions and offering self-compassion, people can begin to fill the void left by their childhood experiences and develop a stronger sense of self-worth and resilience.

When facing feelings of loneliness stemming from inner child wounds, it’s essential to rely on personal strengths and inner resources to cope and foster a sense of self-reliance. For people who enjoy planning and writing, journaling can serve as a valuable tool to navigate these emotions. By creating a list of activities, affirmations, or self-care practices to turn to when feeling lonely, people can develop a sense of preparedness and empowerment.

This proactive approach not only offers practical strategies to counteract loneliness but also strengthens one’s connection to their inner wisdom and resilience. Over time, as people engage in these self-supportive practices, they can begin to reframe their relationship with loneliness and create a deeper sense of self-trust and emotional independence.

5 Notice the glimmers

In moments of loneliness and emotional vulnerability, it’s essential to notice the “glimmers” of positivity and connection that surround us. Loneliness can often skew our perspective, causing us to focus on the negative aspects of our lives and diminish our awareness of the good. By actively seeking out and acknowledging the small gestures of kindness, support, and love that we receive from others, we can begin to shift our mindset and cultivate a renewed sense of hope and connection.

These “glimmers” may come in various forms, such as the warmth of a beloved pet, a friendly greeting from a stranger, a thoughtful check-in from a friend, or a simple act of consideration from a loved one. By recognizing and appreciating these moments, we can gradually rebuild our emotional safety and encourage ourselves to engage in more meaningful social interactions.

Over time, as we continue to focus on the positive and seek out glimmers of connection in our daily lives, we can begin to rewire our brains to prioritize and appreciate these moments of warmth and kindness. This practice not only reduces feelings of loneliness but also fosters a more optimistic and resilient outlook on life.

6 Improve self care

Engaging in self-care is a critical aspect of inner child healing, as it helps to prevent the self-neglect that can occur when we feel down and alone. When experiencing feelings of loneliness, it’s common to resort to negative patterns from our past, such as not washing clothes, eating poorly, isolating ourselves, or even preemptively pulling away from potential connections. These behaviors can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and emotional distress.

To break this cycle and promote emotional well-being, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care activities. Perhaps we’ve got into a bad habit of eating processed foods and we need to begin incorporating a variety of nutritious foods to support our physical and mental health?

Or maybe we’re self isolating and we need to take small steps to initiate connection with others, such as scheduling a weekly meetup with a friend or joining a club or community group.

If we’re neglecting our physical needs and hygiene, perhaps we need to engage in better personal hygiene, including washing clothes once a week to ensure cleanliness and comfort.

By consistently engaging in these self-care practices, you can begin to replace destructive behaviors with healthier habits that support your emotional well-being and foster a greater sense of connection and self-worth.

Inner Child Therapy Activities for Adults

Inner child therapy activities for adults are gentle, intentional practices that help us reconnect with the younger parts of ourselves that may have been wounded, neglected, or silenced. These activities invite curiosity, compassion, and playfulness back into our lives, allowing us to build emotional safety and self-trust from within. By engaging in practices such as nature exploration, creative hobbies, symbolism, self-reflection, and nurturing self-care, we create space for our inner child to feel seen, supported, and valued. Over time, these activities can help heal old emotional wounds, soften shame, strengthen resilience, and foster a deeper, more loving relationship with ourselves—laying the foundation for healthier connections and a more grounded, fulfilling adult life.

Consider inner child therapy

Inner child therapy is an insightful process that involves working with a trained therapist to identify and address unresolved emotional needs or issues originating from one’s childhood. Through this collaborative journey, individuals can gain valuable insights into the root causes of their current challenges and cultivate self-compassion, personal growth, and effective coping mechanisms.

A pivotal aspect of inner child therapy lies in the therapist’s ability to extend genuine empathy, understanding, and validation. Their role as a supportive and compassionate presence serves as a model for individuals to create a nurturing relationship with their inner child, fostering self-care and self-love.

This therapeutic approach is particularly transformative for individuals who experienced emotional neglect or a lack of support during their formative years. A skilled therapist can provide the validation and emotional attunement that may have been missing in childhood, enabling individuals to develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of their emotions and experiences.

If you’re contemplating embarking on a journey of inner child therapy, scheduling a session can be a significant first step towards personal growth and healing. I have 5 years of experience helping people create internal emotional safety and inner harmony and have first-hand witnessed people recover a more calm, centered, balanced self. With professional guidance and support, you can explore unresolved issues and work towards a more fulfilling and authentic life. Go to my contact page to book a 15 minute consult.

12 Powerful Inner Child Healing Exercises For Your Personal Journey Home to Wholeness

As a young woman, I would have given anything to know that I had a wounded inner child. I was stuck with false beliefs that I absorbed growing up: beliefs about my worthiness, belonging, and trust in others. This kept me feeling limited and stuck, suffering from low-level depression, anxiety, emptiness, and loneliness. 

I was disconnected from myself, love, wisdom, and my own divine guidance. I spent 6 years studying psychology and was taught that childhood traumas were a life-sentence. But I had a glimmer of faith and hope that I would manifest miracles and that healing from my past was possible.

That’s when I started on a spiritual search – a search to connect with source, love, higher guidance, and wisdom. I had read a lot about spirituality to know that this was a path I needed to learn more about. 

It wasn’t until I discovered inner child work that I realised that I was able to heal and give little Vicky the love and validation that she needed.

For years, I was looking outside of myself to seek truth from other spiritual gurus. But instead of looking for a god and somewhat scary parent-in-the-sky, I realised that I could be my own modern-day mystic who could hear the voice of truth, wisdom, and love in myself. 

I was highly self-aware and I had a strong connection to this idea that my inner child was the echo of the child that I once was. 

Time after time, people would say to me: you need to connect to your inner child. I met a therapist who said that I needed to self-soothe my inner child, but she couldn’t tell me how. 

I was frustrated that she couldn’t give me the steps, so I took it upon myself to go looking for them. 

And so, for the past few years, I’ve been on a quest to uncover the codes to inner child healing. 

Since then I’ve found my own inner child healing exercises that have helped me to connect with my inner mother and inner father and cultivate psychological resilience. 

And it’s been nothing short of a miracle. To me, nothing has crystallised my emotional pain more than inner child work, because it gets to the core of the emotional wounds that were holding me back in life. 

I’m still a work in progress, but it’s helped me to find internal strength, inner peace, and the deepest connection to love that I’ve ever had. 

What I love about it the most, is that it’s a self-healing tool that I am in full control of. I may not be able to change my past, but I have my own healing toolkit to create my own sense of psychological safety. 

This is something that nobody can take away from me.

I’ve tried a few different things but here are the exercises that have worked for me the best. 

But before I dive in, a word of caution: this process takes time. 

After so many years of repressing your inner child it may take a while for you to connect with it, so pause and be patient. 

1. Listening to your inner child

Oftentimes an unhealed inner child shows up through overreacting, irritation, righteousness, blame, and/or telling feelings. 

Listen to your inner child to reflect on what is triggering you. Because the root of the trigger is where love and self-compassion need to be applied. For instance, you might feel rejected by someone and this might trigger rejection issues from your childhood. 

The key is listening to the cries and pains of your inner child. How are they feeling? Are they stressed, anxious, angry, or lonely? Then, you want to ask them: how can I validate and reassure you? 

A lot of us do not allow our inner child to just be. We might criticise, diminish, shame, or suppress certain emotions. But intense emotions are signs of unmet emotional needs from childhood.

Now, how can you practice self-acceptance? If you feel lonely, tell yourself: it’s ok to feel lonely. It’s ok to feel sad. It’s ok to feel anxious. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.

Allowing yourself to feel the feelings is a form of self-soothing and it will reduce the intensity of the emotions. 

2. Journaling

Another one of my favourite inner child healing exercises is journaling.

Traumas, attachments and early painful experiences in our lives manifest into emotions that become stored in our bodies. 

If we ignore and avoid them, the built-up emotional storage compounds over time and can manifest into illness. 

If you work on your mind and you’re not integrating your body, your body is manifesting all of that suppressed pain. This is why writing your feelings out helps you to release any stuck emotions in your body. 

One way you might do this is to recall a childhood incident and write about it. I recommend thinking of an incident with a 4/10 stress level, so that you can bring up memories that you have the capacity to process without feeling emotionally overwhelmed and too blended (a term that we use in IFS therapy when we get consumed by an emotion). You can read more about IFS therapy here, it’s a form of psychotherapy that helps you to explore inner child work by reaching meditative states of calmness, openness and curiosity, so when it comes to processing emotional trauma, your body is exploring it with safety and stabilisation.

You can imagine yourself as a younger child. How old were you? Who were you with? Then you can start writing a letter to the person involved and begin with: this is what you did, this is how you made me feel and this is how I choose to feel about it now.

3. Art therapy

Another way to connect with the inner child is through art therapy. 

Art is a powerful tool in releasing trauma as it goes to the parts of the brain in the limbic system that words don’t. Whereas the left side of the brain is connected to language, the right side of the brain is where emotions are stored. This is why expressive art therapy is incredibly healing because it allows you to speak the language of the inner child. 

Some argue that organs in the body have a consciousness of their own and that they will speak to you if you give them a chance. 

One of the ways to start this process is by sitting with the body, quieting down, and paying attention to anything that is uncomfortable or in pain. 

Now, on a piece of paper, you can colour in the areas of the body that feel pain and discomfort using colours associated with that sensation. 

For example, if you feel pain in your lower back then you might colour it red and orange to show the inflammation. Next, you can have a written dialogue with your back by asking your back: what are you? How do you feel? Why do you feel that way? What is causing it? What can I do to help you? 

It may sound strange but our body is our greatest healer because it knows what it needs. It’s a very simple exercise, but it’s often the most simple exercises that move the needle the most.

4. Teddy bear exercise

Another one of my favourite inner child healing exercises is the teddy bear exercise.

The teddy bear exercise helps you to see how your inner child runs you when you’re triggered or emotionally reactive. So, if you get triggered then you might have a few days when you feel anxious or depressed. 

This is because you have a part of the brain called the amygdala and if it becomes too activated, you feel like a hot mess, because adrenaline is running through your system.

But until you become aware of these triggers and create more space between stimulus and response, they will run your life. 

So, how it works is you carry a small teddy that fits in your bag. You carry it around all day and notice when you’re having a reaction and your inner child is running the show.

For example, if someone makes a negative comment and you suddenly feel overwhelmingly sad or lonely, you’ll see that your wounded child is crying for comfort. And because you’re an adult, you can call in your inner mother and inner father to reassure your inner child. This will help you to cultivate resilience and you’ll no longer avoid your painful feelings, because you’ll have a self-healing process and self-support system.

This awareness will help you to have more understanding and compassion for your feelings. So instead of feeling powerless and helpless with your emotions and drowning in them, you’ll feel more in control and on top of your emotions. 

This combination of awareness, writing therapy, and art therapy will help you to release these traumas from your system. 

It allows you to take your power back and go back in time and be the caregiver that you needed in your life when you were little. It can be a way to step into that situation as an adult and comfort the inner child. 

At first, it’s likely to feel hard, scary, and overwhelming, especially if you’re witnessing your trauma and thinking about the sad times in your childhood. But trust the process and give it time because it will deactivate triggers and give you a sense of grounding in your life.

5. Look at photographs

Another one of my favourite inner child healing exercises is looking at photographs. As you begin reparenting him or her, you can imagine retrieving them from that place when they were sad, scared and afraid, and bring them to a safe place. 

It feels reassuring to know that you can take her somewhere safe, where she is seen, heard and loved. This can be as simple as putting her in a photo frame in your bedroom.

Now, as you look at that picture of her, you want to imagine bringing that young girl into your bedroom. Perhaps, you can create some space in the room for her, where you can talk to her and reassure her that you’re there.

Perhaps you have several photographs at different times in your life, and you want to bring all of those versions of you into the present moment. You can have these photographs in your room, where you can speak with them often. 

6. Identify unmet emotional needs

Another one of my favourite inner child healing exercises is identifying unmet emotional needs. Inner child healing is a way to address unmet emotional needs that weren’t met in childhood. You might look back and wish that you had more love and affection, empathy, emotional validation, guidance, protection, encouragement and appreciation. 

Even if you think you had a good childhood, everyone has childhood wounds. These childhood wounds are a result of stressful life events, that can range from neglect, abuse and parental abandonment, to bullying, struggling in school, having an emotionally absent father, mental illness in the family, moving house, discrimination, racial oppression, harassment and chronic illness.

So if you think about the stressful life events you’ve experienced: what emotional needs do you think weren’t met? What do you think you needed at the time?

7. Invite play into your everyday life

Another one of my favourite inner child healing exercises is inviting play into your life. If you faced lots of stressful experiences as a child, it’s likely that you missed out on being playful and spontaneous. 

It’s likely that your quirky, spontaneous and goofy side has been repressed after being judged or labelled as “too much” by others. But the problem with this is that we’re rejecting our inner child when we don’t let our inner child express themselves.

Making time for fun and getting back in touch with your playful side is incredibly healing as it allows you to meet those needs for joy, fun and play that weren’t met in childhood.

Inviting play into your everyday life can be as simple as enjoying the small pleasures like playing games with friends, stopping in the middle of the street to stroke a cat, playing games, going to a ceilidh and playing songs from your childhood. 

8. Do activities you loved as a child

Doing activities you enjoyed as a child helps you to take back your inner child. This might be dancing, singing, acting, joining an improv class, drawing, painting or baking.

9. Mirror gazing exercise

Mirror gazing is a one of the powerful inner child healing exercises. It allows you to dialogue with your inner child in a powerful way and give your inner child the words of affirmation they wish they heard as a child. 

You want to do it when you’re calm and you’re not overwhelmed. To do this, place your hand on your heart and gaze softly at yourself. 

See if you can sense the presence of your inner child emerge in your eyes and just observe your inner child from self (self is your seat of consciousness and inner guidance system that can help you to connect to your inner child without feeling overwhelmed.

Practice giving your inner child pure loving presence and embodied listening. This is what your inner child yearns for – to be seen and heard. 

Let your inner child know that you’re there and that you’re here to listen. You can say “hey, sweetheart”, “I’m here”. 

As you lovingly show up for your inner child, she or he might feel emotional, shocked or in disbelief that you’re showing up for them. Observe their feelings and reaction to your presence.

Now you can say something reassuring or loving to comfort your inner child. You can say “I see you”, “I’m so proud of you”, “I think you’re so brave”, “I’m here now’, “I’m not going to leave you”.

10. Write a letter to your inner child

Another one of my favourite inner child healing exercises is writing a letter to your inner child. Something that will help your inner child feel loved is self-compassion. 

You can start to cultivate self-compassion by dialoging from your self to your inner child. 

You can start writing this letter by asking your inner child, how are you feeling today? Would you like me to listen or give advice? What do you need?

11. Self-soothing

If you feel overwhelmed, stressed or anxious, you can self-soothe your inner child and use breathing and meditation to calm you down. 

To practice this, place your hand on your heart and take 3 deep breaths. Say to your inner child “it’s ok sweetheart”, “I’m here”. You might also want to validate their feelings by saying “I hear you”, “it’s ok to be upset”, “it’s ok to have feelings”, “it’s ok not to be ok”, “i’m here to listen”.

The limits of doing inner child healing exercises alone

Although inner child healing exercises at home are one step toward, there are limits in the healing you can do alone.

Connecting to your inner child alone can be emotionally overwhelming as it brings back past memories that can cause distress. Our inner child holds emotional turmoil that we’ve repressed for a long time, and it can be overwhelming to process these feelings alone. 

In IFS therapy, instead of going directly to the inner child parts, we develop a relationship with the parts that protect our inner child – this might be an analysing part, judging part, anxious part, criticising part etc.,

This is a safer and more supportive approach and doing this groundwork can be just as important as healing our inner child parts. It helps you to build self-compassion and most importantly create an environment of inner safety so that you are exploring childhood trauma once safety and stabilisation is achieved.

From delivering IFS therapy for 5 years, I’ve witnessed first-hand people develop a calm and meditative states, which helps them to build their capacity to witness inner child parts, reparent and unburden emotional hurt and pain from their subconscious mind and nervous system.

This process creates sustainable healing more than any self-led inner child healing exercises can do. It helps to release stored emotional energy, rewire the brain, calm the nervous system and improve emotional regulation and emotional balance.

If you’re interested in doing inner child healing without being emotionally overwhelmed and flooded, I can help. I invite you to book a consultation with me, talk about what you’d like to focus on and get out of therapy.

Beginning inner child work: A Gentle Path to Emotional Healing

Inner child therapy offers a compassionate and structured way to explore and heal wounds that formed earlier in life. These wounds often develop when emotional needs were unmet, when you had to grow up too quickly, or when it didn’t feel safe to express feelings openly. Inner child therapy works at a pace that feels safe and respectful, supporting healing without overwhelm.

In Newcastle, UK, and online, my practice provides a supportive space to reconnect with parts of yourself that may still carry fear, sadness, shame, or a sense of being alone.

Step 1: Begin With a Free 15-Minute Consultation

The process begins with a free, informal consultation. This is a chance to ask questions, share what brings you to therapy, and explore whether inner child therapy feels like the right fit for you. There is no pressure to commit, just a gentle opportunity to connect and gather information before deciding your next step.

Step 2: Explore Patterns Linked to Early Experiences

In therapy, we begin to explore present-day patterns that may be connected to earlier experiences. This might include people-pleasing, fear of rejection, emotional shutdown, harsh self-criticism, or difficulty soothing yourself when distressed. These patterns are approached with curiosity and compassion, helping you understand how they developed and how they once helped you cope.

Step 3: Build Safety and Healing Through Inner Child Work

Inner child therapy, informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS), supports you to gently connect with younger parts of yourself that may still hold unmet needs or emotional pain. Therapy focuses on building internal safety and a nurturing inner relationship, allowing these parts to feel seen, heard, and supported. I offer IFS therapy in the UK and online.

Over time, this process can reduce emotional triggers, soften self-criticism, and strengthen your ability to care for yourself with kindness. Many people experience a greater sense of emotional stability, self-trust, and connection both internally and in relationships with others.